Most importantly your tone of voice has to be calming and agreeable. 90% of everything is mannerism and not what you say but how you say it.
this is very very true. if your tone is showing haughtiness even though your words are not. the other person will start to feel resntment big time.
if it is not your tone mr.azimscot than i would have to say your wife is ehsas-e-kamtri. and you got to be careful with these types because they just take every other word that comes form your mouthas an under-handed attack on them.
Same case wid me, I too spent only 2 months wid my husband n now since may im in saudi arabia n he is in US.
I feel the distance is the biggest hurdle between couples, if i look behind to the time spent together i see no difficult times in terms of differences in opinions, thinking, cultural bk etc.
But now i do see many differences n bcz of them problems do arise sumtimes.
Actually its much bcz of different personality traits. As im concerned i am quite bossy in nature n thruout my life i hv been in charge n on the frontend.... So its little difficult for me to accept others point of view specially in new relations...
But MA my husband is very nice n thanks to his patience tht he has never complaint to me abt this n manages it well.
I do feel tht im worng at times n trying to overcum this prb.
For u i wud suggest tht try to avoid such topics where thr r such kind of differences n let her understand everything thru her own experience.
If sum1 is educated n understanding then i think thr wont be much prb to settle in the UK or US for anyone.
Insha ALLAh she will be alright, feel good abt her, u hv just started ur new life so giv her time to see everyting thru her own eyes n do everything thru her own intelligence.
i hav a question OP when u r apart for 6 months n still newly wed y the hell u hav to discuss politics,science n all that ....u should b discussing more abt u n her in general n try to build a strong emotional bond.choti baton pe khalish can b bad in the long run.n where u see a conflict of views just change the topic.when u r apart never discuss controversial topics.also knowledge n smartness isn't limited to the west only so stop thinking u r always right may b shes sometimes more aware of u or hav a mature view than urs.this is a time to develop bond n memories n not discuss world affairs.
Mano04{If sum1 is educated n understanding then i think thr wont be much prb to settle in the UK or US for anyone.
Insha ALLAh she will be alright, feel good abt her, u hv just started ur new life so giv her time to see everyting thru her own eyes n do everything thru her own intelligence.
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i totally agree.ppl coming from even remote areas of pak settle really well with time n learn all the tricks of the game.i hav seen simple paindo girls amazingly westernizing in a few yrs of living abroad.
the problem at times bcums in choosing the right medium of understanding and communication as i myself faced the same. actually at times the expectation level gets so high that v find the other partner superseding or inferior to us. one must not look for a paragon of all the best but should take humans as humans who are prone to have flaws. so, understanding ur spouse is a must as this is the key to a successful relation.
it is not the matter of being a pakistani girl. nowadays, with the pace of life the girls are also not left behind. if you talk about eduction and general knowledge, it always are girls at the top. i myself have experienced this, don't give a prejudiced view by entering into a gender discussion.
i have seen that at times boys just dont digest the idea of the girls surpassing them although they look for a girl who is well-equipped with knowledge.....it seems to be a puzzle or a contradiction. at times it is the husband who want a YES SIR! treatment from his wife.
there is a problem of the way of communication in most of the cases where ppl r unable to understand each other so take the other person as authorotative.
Islam is more practical in the UK more facilities than Pakistan.
Now if you think you were right and she was wrong on this one, many of us here also disagree to some point too. She is right on this one, how can you say UK has more facilities than Pakistan, where every corner there is mosque, here you have one in may be a town depending on the location, in my area its not on walking distance here. Its not easy to practice as you get time off according to Islamic calendar in Pakistan, Eid in Pakistan is like Christmas here, you get the feeling all around you.
disability in UK certainly has more incentives and facilities than Pakistan considering UK is 4th largest economy and a developed nation. it cant be compared with Pakistan.
Thanks so much for all your wonderful and helpful comments. I don't feel inferior to my wife or her as superior, but I do feel competition in getting things right and when you make a mistake its frowned upon.
Also, the communication barrier although she knows English quite well its not conversational and fluency and its broken, but I guess within 5 years or so she will be more fluent inshallah.
