Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
Not that simple to make nikaah for first time bride without her Wali present, and that is Daddy dearest!
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
I think its not unusual for a couple to get married without parental consent- she is a grown woman (26yrs old)...and islamically, i think there is nothing stopping her from having the nikaah, as long as there r 2 witnesses present...and both parties are fully consenting without being under pressure! I hate to say it, but in this case Daddy Dearest is being stubbourn, and allowing a major sin to happen (ie his daughter hanging out with her finace regularly)-sorry sparrow!....so technically, by doing a nikaah without dad present, she will be committing the lesser of 2 sins (thats IF having a wali at your nikaah is a must!)
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
that could stir up issues. i dont think she should marry w/o her parents blessing. What kind of MAN takes someone's daughter away without their permission?
As far as making him halal for her.....she should just stay away from him until they get married that would be a better solution then to run off and get married....IF that is what you are implying.
I think you need to tell your parents that you are going to marry him and you would like to have their blesssings.
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
i agree with that.....but still....
Re: My Parents aren’t doing anything…
Wow at all the replies 
You know what, you have your solution in one of your replies **When the time comes, it will happen jou jis ki kismat mein aur jab hota hai.. waisa hi hoo gha 
**There are 3 things in life that you can’t decide.. Life/Death, Marriage and Income. These are decided by Allah, written as your fate.. no point in fretting over them.
I don’t like any of the ideas of bringing home molvis and brochures etc, hope those were jokes. But you can talk to one of the elders in your family and have them talk to your parents, someone that your parents will consider, may be taya or dada or nana whoever. They should stress the getting married early point in Islam and the fact that everything is set up. I can imagine what you are going thru actually, b/c one of my friends is in a similar situation for the past two years. Their family is too conservative so he can’t even say anything!
As most of the people said, its just that your parents are having a hard time letting you go and its because you are the first daughter they are marrying off.
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
As far as making him halal for her.....she should just stay away from him until they get married that would be a better solution then to run off and get married....IF that is what you are implying.
I think you need to tell your parents that you are going to marry him and you would like to have their blesssings.
Sparrow has mentioned in the thread, that the parents and families have all met and agreed to the rishta...yet it is only her mum n dad, who r opposing the actual nikaah ceremony taking place-yet in theory they hav given their consent...in an un-orthodox kind of way they have given their permission havent they???...
so it'd be stupid to let the feelings of her mum n dad come in the way of what surely has now become her islamic duty...i know that sounds soooo cruel....but its the truth...she wants to marry this guy, her mum n dad originally said yes, she has committed heself to this proposed marriage-mortgage etc....so its a bit silly if she doesnt go ahead with it....
...and in the situation that she does go do a solo nikaah, then surely its the parents who have bought it upon themselves??? (once again sparrow...sorry for using your parents in my "scenarios" )
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
^ your solution is ok islamically, but not so ok culturally :) I guess it depends on Sparrow
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
LOL....CULTURE-SHMULTURE....
I feel sorry for her....but seriously..if i was her big brother, and our parents weren't doing something about it....i'd take sparrow and fiance to the mosque and get the nikaah done....then bring her back home, and pretend nothing had happened....and wait for the parents to eventually agree, in their own time...and then pull out the nikaah-nama! LOL....tht would be sooooo cooooooooooool
Re: My Parents aren’t doing anything…
Kazi – I don’t think she’s making her parents sound lik bad guys. Seems to me she’s trying to understand the situation and figure out how to get married.
Still, it’s not the same as you being in the house.
I was 24. We moved into an apartment about 10 minutes from my parents’ house pretty soon after the wedding (about a week after we got back from Pakistan where the wedding was), lived there for 10 months, and bought a house closeby and moved in there. Meanwhile his parents also moved to the area, in my parents’ neighborhood.
I could cook a bit, but nothing much more. I’m much better and more versatile at it now. And I hate to clean. My husband is the neat one and we usually share and help each other with both things, tho he is in charge of cleaning and I’m in charge of cooking.
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
From what iv read on the thread...the folks come across as illogical....and as always there r 2 sides 2 a story....i'm sure theyv got their reasons...but obviously sparrow doesn't know what those reasons r....otherwise she wouldnt be here....so in that sense...they r coming across as the negative party....
Re: My Parents aren’t doing anything…
Adopted parents are still “real” parents.
The only concern I think adoption would create is telling the groom and his family and worry that they would not be able to accept it/her.
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
My Bro poor guy is always saying " get her married" but he unfortunately doesn't have the final say in our house…I really didn't mean to make my mum and dad look like the bad guys...i I have the best parents in the world! other girls would love to have parents so liberal as mine...they've always supported me in everything...but for some reason we have come to a halt...
You know i sooo can't do the whole nikah on my own thing...I've been such a good daughter all my life...would never give my dad a reason to feel ashamed of his daughter. I couldn't repay his love and kindness all these years like that.
My dad is a quiet guy...very humble and simple... always sees the good in people, always has good intensions...he's not too out going or money minded...maybe the whole wedding (I mean the actual ceremony day itself) scares him? Maybe he thinks what if things go wrong on the day....he's never even organised a birthday party at home let alone a wedding...so maybe he's scared? I have said that I will take care of everything…I even said a small thing at home...but maybe he has dreams of something bigger and better for me....
Re: My Parents aren’t doing anything…
errr, as an adoptive parent I take exception to that comment. a person adopts because he wants to, and/or needs to.. and jumps through all sorts of hoops to adopt, not with a goal to treat the adopted child any differently than his biological kids.
the bonds of blood are strong, but all bonds do not exist due to blood relation.
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
Sparrow: Be Patience!
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
Sparrow, your situation is unique, because here in the US, I can't think of one parent that would even dream of delaying the wedding of their 26 year old daughter. You're not a baby, you're a fully educated, intelligent, young woman.
Even if your cousins are older and unmarried, that's still not an excuse to not get you wedded. We have younger boys here who get married before their older sisters-- the parents are just happy that someone is settling down, the order doesn't matter.
My sincerest advice to you would be to get your brother on your side, along with your fiance and his family and go talk to the local imam of your masjid. Explain to him in detail your situation. He will most definitely side you as it is makruh to delay marriage for no valid reason. He may be able to convince your parents as well. I know it may not be the wedding of your dreams, but consider a simple nikah at the masjid. You can always have a reception later. (A friend of mine was in the same situation as you, except that her inlaws were delaying the marriage. They got married anyways, in a simple ceremony. They had a wonderful recepetion six months later, and everyone lived happily ever after.)
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
They dont sound like desi parents...if its not the money then theres gotta be something there.
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
Tell the guy u r marrying to tell his parents to talk to your parents about setting a date soon as they want to get their son settled (unless the guy's parents aren't in a rush either) A bit of pressure from the guy's side might get the ball rolling
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
Hi,
some of you may remember this problem that i was having...well i just wanted to update you all on what's happening with this.....
Well last night the guys dad came around my house....he and my dad discussed my nikkah, just a small thing at home with my family and they decided on the 26th of August which is about 17 days away...both families agreed BUT....it totally freaked me out and i started crying and saying it was too early...what's wrong with me? first i was harassing them to sort it out and now i'm telling them not to do it!!
is this normal? have other people felt like this before the nikkah? i've told my parents that after ramadan would be better.....i don't know why i'm so scared.
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
are YOU sure you want to get married
Re: My Parents aren't doing anything.....
1- I think you should get the support of a near relative. It could be an Uncle (mamoo, chachu etc), an Aunt (Khala etc). Any one who has a say in front of your parents.
2- Ask your hubby-to-be to send someone as a fake proposal for you who should NOT be better than your hubby-to-be. This will leave them with no other choice.
*3- Try to find out what is it that your parents dislike about your choice and they are not expressing. *