My Niece

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: My Niece

:smack:

It’s sarcasm.

42

Re: My Niece

Growing up in the US I used to think that I had the right to work after getting married. I had all these views and opinions on women's rights. What young women fail to realize is being able to stay at home and manage the household while the husband works and provides for the rest of the family is a privilege. Many women are not fortunate enough to have this. In this economy many women have to get jobs and help support the household, come home cook dinner, spend their days off doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom/kitchen. Managing a household is a full time job. IMO... at the end of the day cooking and cleaning is a women's job, while putting food on the table, clothes on our back, and a roof over our head is a man's job. We each have roles and duties according to our skills. When these duties are divided, it helps lessen the burden. Some of us have to take on extra work to help out. Eventually your niece will realize this.

As far as the hijab situation goes, that’s a personal choice that is between you and your husband. I believe it is your sister’s responsibility to explain that to your niece. You know who you are and how strong and independent you are, do not taking her childish comments to the heart. People grow up over time and opinions change. :-)

43

Re: My Niece

^:k:

Thanks matey.

44

advice taken. :k:

Thanks

45

It's possible that your sister may be jealous of you. Sometimes when someone is jealous of us...they pick out flaws in us...so they can feel better about themselves. And if someone has made up their mind about you........buying a plane ticket and visiting them......is no guarantee that you'll change their opinion of you.

46

While i agree with this:

and this:

i still do take into account Hareem's situation, that it's her family we're talking about here, and more than not being about the hijab, it probably could be.

about "are pakistani kids like this nowadays" ... it's not like there arent hijabis in Pakistan ... there are ... but there is a general concept in peoples' minds that those who go abroad, or are abroad, are out-of-the-blue stricken with islamism, and the need to go conservative. i used to think on similar lines. but my view changed once i came here.
my friends used to ask me about if i've done this .. or that (fun related things not too nice in the eyes of isam) .. and i said no i dont, it's not nice to do that ... and they'd be like ... "bahar ja ker kya logoun go islam yaad ajata hai"* ..
i explain this shift in psychology as an unconscious channeling of oneself into the struggle of mainting what you are, where you've come from when you're exposed to uncontrolable freedom.
it's only natural to want to rebel when you're controlled. and very natural to hold onto yourself, when you have moutain worths of freedom.
though ofcourse, there can be exceptional cases.

*this does not mean that they godforbid look down on islam .. dont take it in the extreme context please ... although i think that will be hard for some people here.

47

Re: My Niece

Hareem, she is just an immature kid...don't take anything she says to heart!
As she develops a brain...she will understand the value of being a mother and wife! :)

48

So you agree that my niece finds my views suffocating. Well, my niece doesn't even know me and that's why I want to see her.

49

What you are talking about is something entirely different. If people don't agree with your choice for whatever, it's a separate issue from what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the victim syndrome, where people who reckon others are being mean to them, or whatever, because of their hijab/beard. No. It's most likely because the person has personality traits (regardless of hijab/beard) that grate on others.

But it's easier to blame the hate on something external.

50

Re: My Niece

^Oh phaleeeeeeezzzz…stop psychoanalyzing me. :rolleyes:

She’s not being mean to me, she thinks I’m not free because of a piece of cloth on my head. Is that clear enough?

And I don’t feel like a victim here.

51

Re: My Niece

Just go see her and put an end to this misconceptions. :)

52

it's a possibility ... but nothing that i can guarantee a 100%. i dont know her or her reasons. it could be just about your hijab, it could not be about your hijab ... goes both ways .. it could be about your suffocating views, it could not be about your suffocating views (i.e. if they are suffocating to begin with) .. it's an imagination of what you're like upon which your niece is resting her opinion. she has nothing concrete to base it on.

does she know other people besides you who live in the UK? does she know the family jin say rshta aya hai? are they also imaginatively similar to you in her mind?

but i'd agree with as someone said above ... that go there not to specifically sit and explain to her how you feel everyday that you're there ... instead ... let her observe you while you live your life and have a nice holiday ... and if need be ... towards the end you can have a conversation if she still feels the same way about you ...

53

seriously people it ain't that complicated. I think Hareem got her answers on the first page. The rest is just a never-ending debate.

Let us know how you get on Hareem when u go to meet her.

54

Re: My Niece

Thanks Reha for your advice and support. I like positive answers. :k:

55

Try not to take it personally (i know its hard not to) but since you have mentioned that you married very young, she at 19 might just be using your example to explain that its not something she wants so early on for herself, being 'free' to her might mean she is not willing to take on the responsibilities of a marriage just yet like you did. just a difference of opinion I think and not a criticism of you as a mother or a housewife :)

56

Re: My Niece

^Yes. That's another way of looking at things positively.

57

Your reply should make her feel good about herself, she is already down :smilestar:

58

Re: My Niece

To be honest, people will have all kind of views and opinions about others. Hijabi or not. That's just how it is. She is your niece and I am sure if it wasn't for hijab she would've rejected the rishta based on some other stupid reason. Maybe she doesn't even truly believes what she said or finding reasons to not get married.

In the case she does believe in all that blah she said, you are a strong woman, don't let her comments bother you. Unless you really want her to get married to this person, don't bother changing her veiws about you. She has a mother to teach her things that are right or wrong. Its her job.

For young girls to think this way is really stupid and lot to do with how their parents have raised them. Of course your sister agrees with what her daughter have said. Your sister has the same views about you.

I agree with desi beautii's advice.

59

I’m not talking about you. I made that clear in my first post regarding this.

And you said ‘probably’ anyway, so it is just your assumption.

60

hareem01,

I’ve never had a problem wearing a hijab in the US, nor have any of my relatives here questioned me about it…

However during my last visit to Pakistan, I was sitting in the house wearing a hijab and minding my own business when my cousin’s wife comes into the living room and says “What’s wrong with you, all of a sudden you’ve become so religious, living in a foreign country, why do you wear even that (hijab)”… I remained silent because I didn’t feel like she deserved a response. Her tone was really rude and condescending…

Out of nowhere, my dad, who isnt religious at all, got upset, and said, “What’s wrong with you, you guys (my relatives) don’t even practice your religion and you have a problem when she is practicing her’s. Ppl abroad don’t take their religion for granted. Leave her alone.” I was so proud of my dad! :lifey:

This I’m sure is not an isolated incident. Pakistanis living in Pakistan think differently then Pakistanis living abroad. I cant really say much more than that without offending Pakistanis in Pakistan. Both your sister and your niece have a different perspective on religion. Please dont take it personally. You can only show by example that as a hijabi you are not oppressed.