She looks down at me for being a mother and a housewife and probably because of wearing a head-scarf.
She’s around 19, lives in Pakistan and graduating from a Uni. She’s like 7 years younger than me and it’s been 6 years since we’ve met but I talk to her mom(my sis) regularly over the phone and stuff.
Now, her rishta came from UK and she rejected it by saying that “I don’t want to be like her(me), I want to be free”(she probably can’t even explain this).
When my sister told me this, it just broke my heart and made me quite sad.
I want to tell her that it’s noble to become a wife and mother, and it doesn’t mean that you’re not free.
Does majority of girls think this way in Pakistan these days?
Girls in Pakistan are not what they used to be.. Us british girls are seen as more backward and old fashioned. Anyways girls and boys in Pakistan are out of control... my mum just got back from lahore and some of the stories she told me, shocking.
Many uni gals are like this, even western ones. They have a very young view of the world and fail to realize that people like us - the stay home moms -are so very lucky and blessed to have the freedom to choose to be with our kids! In these bad economic times, many women do not have this freedom. They must work. The youngsters dont have a clue about being married, being a parent. And the majority will be singing a very different song a few years down the road.
I am proud and feel so lucky to be a full-time mom. Sure, there are some who look down at this but thats their problem not mine!!
I dunno what kind of graduation she's doing at 19.
Anyway, Hareem, if you are happy and fulfilled, I don't see why this would effect you. She's still young, her ideas will change and adapt with her experiences.
Being a wife and mother (especially the latter) does bind you physically. Your time is not your own, it's dictated by all the responsibilities you have. Your children and their needs come before your own. I know you manage to fit in learning a lot of things for yourself too. This is might be your personal freedom, you might thrive on this but it isn't necessarily what everyone else wants, especially at a young age.
She should respect that too and it wasn't a nice thing for her to say, just because she doesn't want it for herself.
hmm she is 19. I was like that when I was 19 too but I have matured and realized the value of being a wife and mother and contribute to social development by being a good wife and mother and that I dont have to be a career freak lady to make some changes in the society...changes comes from happy homes..she will learn with time.
u dont have to think much about it. she is 19 in Pakistan...where girls are trying to be more 'modern' than what the term modern consist of meaning that they want to break boundaries and feel a freedom that they havent had in their society...
and u dont have to travel only for this purpose..what u can do is to plan a relaxing trip to PK, enjoy urself and let her observe your values.
I'm actually annoyed at my sister who agrees with her daughter. I was thinking I take enough bullz from my inlaws and now I have to deal with some more bullz from my own sister and niece.
I'm actually annoyed at my sister who agrees with her daughter. I was thinking I take enough bullz from my inlaws and now I have to deal with some more bullz from my own sister and niece.
I'm gonna go and see her.
I think you should think about what triggers these feelings inside you. why do you have the need to prove your point?
I wear hijaab too and I know what kind of reactions we get from ppl around us - be it family or strangers, Muslims or non-Muslims
the most important thing is to be happy with yourself and have a strong identity. both for you and your niece. I believe she has every right to reject a proposal at the age of 19 when she is still in search of her own identity. our religion gives her that right...
is the proposal from UK from among your friends or in-laws? why do want to convince her?
you shouldn't care what some idiotic 19 yr old thinks of you especially considering how little she has seen and experienced and achieved in her life so far. don't go to lengths trying to change her mind because that will probably have a negative impact when she figures out how much you care. the attitude of young pakis these days is to just not give a crap about what anybody else thinks and live their own life the way they want. why can't she apply that same rule to you. maybe she realizes that she won't be valued in the british society since her degree won't mean anything and she basically won't be considered equally educated to her peers. let her stay in pak where she feels comfy and you stay where you've made a life for yourself through your hard work. don't waste your time/money trying to change the attitudes of people who don't care enough to try and understand or appreciate you.
Thats exactly what I would do... talk directly, face-to-face... but as respectfully as I could.
Also, from what I can gather, Hareem doesn't have a problem with her rejecting the rishta, its the image of hareem that her niece has in her head thats bothering hareem and instead of saying "ignore what people say and get over it" , its best to talk this out in order to prevent this image of hareem living a prisoner-like life grow and spread even futher.
Plus, she's 19, she could do with some reality checks.
You're dealing with a child, she still has so much growing to do. And I don't know why you even care about what she thinks. The fact that you're protected by ALLAH through the hijab and you have a loving husband, anything else is minor compared to what you have.
As Barbiecue said, I don't want her to get married so soon either and neither I'm going to convince her for marriage(that's her parents' job).
I don't care what my inlaws or others think of me and I have a strong personality so I don't let anybody influence me in a negative way. Truth is that I never brag about how much I've learned or how much freedom I have or how much money I have now, in front of my sisters and other relatives. My sister don't really like my husband because he's religious and I think she has depicted a very different picture of me in front of my niece, hence she thinks I'm "oppressed".
So that's why I thought that I need to show her the real me and also to demonstrate the freedom we have in the West.
My cousins' teenage kids(in UK and pak) just love me and share everything with me but it's sad that my own niece thinks of me low and worthless.
She looks down at me for being a mother and a housewife and probably because of wearing a head-scarf.
She's around 19, lives in Pakistan and graduating from a Uni. She's like 7 years younger than me and it's been 6 years since we've met but I talk to her mom(my sis) regularly over the phone and stuff.
Now, her rishta came from UK and she rejected it by saying that "I don't want to be like her(me), I want to be free"(she probably can't even explain this).
When my sister told me this, it just broke my heart and made me quite sad.
I want to tell her that it's noble to become a wife and mother, and it doesn't mean that you're not free.
Does majority of girls think this way in Pakistan these days?
Looks down at you for being a mother? I know about becoming housewives or wearing scarfs, but mother? Maybe its all three things, accumulative.
Unfortunately, yes. Girls dont want to take responsibilities that come with becoming a house wife.
Hareem, if anybody puts you down, you need to just take one look at your boys and feel pride. You are an exceptional mother and wife (from what I read from your posts, that is my conclusion), and it's hurtful when family members/relatives make these kinds of comments.
The girl is only 19, and immature by default. Try not to let it get to you. I am assuming she has very little life experience. Her opinions will change as she grows emotionally and experiences the various obstacles life will throw at her.
^ but her sister isn't 19. It makes sense why hareem is upset over this. Her sister who has supposedly gone through all those "obstacles of life" and is mature, also thinks hareem is oppressed only because her husband is religious, she wears a hijab and is a house wife?
you know when she is passing by you, kick her on knee joint from behind.
More like with you foot push her knee forward. that will cause her to fall on her knee.
Then punch on her face real hard.
and say "who is the B now"
And if she whines "I never called you B"
you say "I know B"
throws a red bull at Jimmy