My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

[KayZ]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

Okay, I really need your help PLZ!!!!!

I understand that ALL men stare at women and check them out even if they're with the most gorgeous woman ever. I'm sure Abhishek Bachan checks out women occasionaly even though he's married to the most beautiful woman in the world.

But honestly my husband does it ALOT. Whenever we go somewhere, I will catch him looking at almost any young girl who is thin and somewhat pretty...Okay Im not jealous at all, if a really gorgeous woman was walking down the street, I would totally understand if my husband WAS looking at her...however it makes me so mad that he looks at ALL girls...

Whenever we go out, local store, restaurant, he somehow finds that one "pretty" girl in the corner somewhere and keeps glancing at her, and it drives me nuts! I mean, i figure when me and him go out, were so lost in our own talks and our life that we don't notice....I mean I notice hot guys too, but not notice them right away in a supermarket far away!! Or we go out in a restaurant, he noticed a girl in the far corner and will try to glance at her in a non obvious way, but I know perfectly well what he's looking at...

I've spoken to him, yelled at him, soo many times....whenever I catch him of course his answer is always: "no i wasn't!" "I was looking at something else" of course he's not gonna admit checking out the girls...

Everytime I talk to him about it, and I even cry so much in front of him. He promises me that he won't do it again, but that just means " I won't do it in a way that I will get caught" and he still continues doing it, but does it in a secret way when he's sure I'm not looking..

Also, whenever he sees a pretty girl walking this way or something, he starts getting weird, and starts looking in the other direction oddly and behaves weirdly, and its sooo freakin obvious to me! In my head i'm just thinking okay he thought that girl was hot, thats why he's behaving strangely.

I love my husband, we get along so well, this just really bothers me sooo much! its bothering me to a point where I'm scared to go anywhere with him, because I will have to see him checking out girls, like I said if he randomnly did it, I probably wouldn't care, but it's almost every girl...it makes me feel like he's a jungle ka aadmi who hasn't seen girls ever! and It makes me feel so insecure....and the girls he checks out aren't even that hot, they're just okay looking...it makes me mad that he doesn't even have class

I've talked to him so many times, he knows it hurts me, but he just can't stop...I know it, I've tried ignoring it when going out, I've tried changing and just accepting it, but I just can't, its too hard...I just wanna go out normally and spend time together just the two of us, theres always gonna be people everywhere can't avoid that.

I don't think im being jealous, I just don't like the fact that my husband will think any randomn girl is pretty especially now that were married...whenever we go somewhere I see a pretty girl and I'm like "oh no, don't turn this way my husband is gonna stare at her" and when she does, sure enough he starts glancing at her, possible checking her out when my back is turned, and starts getting weird....

It hurts so much, I just think about it soo much....I cry when I'm alone..I can't talk to anyone about this, plz plz help me! Any advice?? dua's to you guys :)

this simply means that your husband is a normal guy. But it was disappointing to read that he has got no class and goes for every single girl (that is definitely not like a normal guy). Yeah ham mardo ko bad naam karnay wala kaam hay :)

i think you should just ignore and even if he wants you to notice it, just ignore in a way as if you dont care at all.

[Sara516]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

You know I get that every guy stares at girls...but guys like these are chichora creeps tbh....usually the best way for them to learn their lesson is if the girl they're staring at does clals them out on it and embarrasses the hell out of them...maybe then they will stop.

[KayZ]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@Sara516

You know I get that every guy stares at girls...but guys like these are chichora creeps tbh....usually the best way for them to learn their lesson is if the girl they're staring at does clals them out on it and embarrasses the hell out of them...maybe then they will stop.

aap nay to har banday ko chichora bana dia :)

[Sara516]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@KayZ

aap nay to har banday ko chichora bana dia

I meant the ones who act like that dude…just stare and stare and stare. and really…if it makes your wife THAT upset, why not just stop? is it really that hard?

I wonder how those girsl dont’ notice or say anything when they know they’re being checked ou by a married guy?

[cutefifa]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@maryam23

Ok, i think its normal for a guy or girl to notice another good looking guy or girl , but if hes staring all the time, and cant help himself, i think theres a problem, and could lead to other things if he gets the chance. ignore him, be cold, rude, hes hurting you, you dont have to evoke the fear of god, or be the perfect wifey,sucking up to him wont help he knows hes screwed up, show him his place, start taking care of yourself, not for him , for yourself. if i was in your place, and he reall didnt stop, he would be facing divorce. Its not a light issue at all

Are you sure.. you will go for a divorce only because he has this creepy habit of staring?What if he is a perfect husband and cares about you a lot and love you a lot and very caring and loving and fulfill his all responsibilities, but he has just this bad habit.

I mean every person has some negative points... none is perfect in this world. If he has one or two bad habits then we should just ignore them and move on. But it doesn't mean that we should divorce him. He just stares, he doesn't have any illegitimate relationship with another girl. I know its very irritating when guys stare not only for girls but for thier wife as well but still divorce is not a solution. just my point of view.

[KayZ]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@Sara516

I meant the ones who act like that dude…just stare and stare and stare. and really…if it makes your wife THAT upset, why not just stop? is it really that hard?

I wonder how those girsl dont’ notice or say anything when they know they’re being checked ou by a married guy?

we got a couple of such gents in our family and i have often listened to aunties how they talk about them. the funniest one i heard was “bhai jaan to mur mur kar aisay daikhtay hein jaisay ghar tak chor kar ai gay”

[Crime_Master_GOGO]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

With no offense to anyone, our ideal was also a 'normal' guy. He also had a 'class'. His class was the ultimate and the highest in degree that one can ever achieve. His 'class' was that a normal guy should not look at a stranger of opposite gender no matter how 'gorgeous'/hot/cute that person is.

The concept of 'normal' guys look at gorgeous women might be introduced by holly/bolly/lolly wood culture but certainly not by Islam.

[hareem01]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@Crime_Master_GOGO

The concept of 'normal' guys look at gorgeous women might be introduced by holly/bolly/lolly wood culture but certainly not by Islam.

It's not a concept, it's human psychology and that's why God said "lower your gaze" because He knew His creation the best. "It's normal for guys to look at gorgeous ladies" means "it is normal for men to feel attracted toward women unless they're homosexual or something".

[Crime_Master_GOGO]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

^ My mistake, I misunderstood. JazakAllah Khair for the clarification. I feel that it would have been easier to understand if people use "attracted" in place of "looking" when they consider a normal guy. Because looking is looking and getting attracted means getting attracted. I can't say that I am looking at a woman and also lowering my gaze at the same time. But same can be said about attraction.

[AngelEyess]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@Lusi

tit or tap in a relationship doesn't help. I am sure there are better ways to deal with the issue.

yeah i hope so!

[princessjojo]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

^^ After 4 pages, I still haven't read a good solution other than get used to it. So, juvenile as it may be, sometimes you have for the tit for tat way.

Honestly, the only thing that will stop him is one of these girls embarrassing him big time or, maybe, age.

[Ashy2010]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@princessjojo

^^ After 4 pages, I still haven't read a good solution other than get used to it. So, juvenile as it may be, sometimes you have for the tit for tat way.

Honestly, the only thing that will stop him is one of these girls embarrassing him big time or, maybe, age.

Or may be when the guy becomes the father of daughters, only then he will be able to understand how bad it is to stare at girls.

[Sweet_LiL_Hunnie]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

After crying so much to him and his empty promises i would bring the subject up to the women in his family and his elders. a lot of times that's when in-laws come in handy and they will side with you and really put an end to this disrespectful bad habit of his. People can break bad habits so it's possible to for him to learn to behave properly, even when you aren't around it's not right for him to watch women like that.

Also I'd give him a taste of his own medicine if the family won't step in and shame/embarrass him into acting properly. I would check out every guy and be really obnoxious and obvious about it. Let your husband know exactly how it feels and when he gets up explain you were merely giving him a taste of his own medicine. Some people have to learn lessons the hard way, maybe unfortunately he's that type.

also I've seen men like this and they blame it on human nature but most guys can control those things are aren't lusting and starring at every woman or teenage girl that walks by. you can't say it's because he's a man that he's acting this way bc i'm pretty sure the men in our families don't drool over women like that and what not. no woman should feel like this is behavior that they just have to simple live with in my opinion.

[maryam23]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@Crime_Master_GOGO

Well, I agree that one would get in Jannah what one desires and if one desires to be alone with her husband that desire would be fulfilled, inshaAllah.

Just out of curiosity I don't understand why most Muslim women of present age feels it to be a big deal sharing her husband with hoors (a different creature of Allah) when their ideals & role models (Umm-ulmo'mineen and Suhabias) didn't have any problem sharing their husbands with other women (as wives and bandhis) in this world and sharing them with hoors in the life hereafter. In so many hadiths the suhabias came to know that their shaheed husband is with hoors in jannah. None of them had any problem with that. They were happy with the decision of Allah (swt). When Hazrat Saad (r.a) got Shahadat, the prophet (saw) mentioned that many hoors of jannah ran to recieve his soul. Did the wife of Hazrat Saad (r.a) complaint about this saying of the Prophet (saw) ?

Are you a guy or girl? First of all, there are records of one of the holy prohet (PBUH)s wife aisha being jealous of his first wife, hazrat khadija. Did you know that when the holy prohpet (PBUH)'s daughters husband wanted to marry a second wife, this irritated the prophet (PBUH) very much. This is human nature. And secondly, you cant compare the prophets (PBUH) marriages to normals mens second or third wives. He married widows mostly, women who had lost thier husbands in wars and were in need. Why do you cry when you lose a loved one? why are you happy? Why do you get scared? This is human nature, and i dont think its in the nature of any woman to share thier husband. If you are male, would you want to share your wife with other men? How does that thought feel to you? Do you think women dont have hearts, we dont feel. Did you know in saudia arabia where polygamy is the norm, the women have high rates of depression Islam didnt allow multiple marriages so men could fulfil their lustful desires, It was for a time and age where wars lessened the numbers of men, and widows were left behind, and no one to look after them. Does it not also say in the quran that one woman is better, because you would never be able to justice to 2 or 3 or 4. About the hoors, all i know is that a prominent scholar zakir naik said that they are both males/females. Hoor is not only applicable to females. And from other sources I have read that hoors are separate creatures who will be in heaven, of extreme beauty, there to serve us.

I am a muslim but i cant deny the questions that i sometimes ask, not about my faith, but about issues like this, i wish i had a clear answer.

[maryam23]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@cutefifa

Are you sure.. you will go for a divorce only because he has this creepy habit of staring?What if he is a perfect husband and cares about you a lot and love you a lot and very caring and loving and fulfill his all responsibilities, but he has just this bad habit.

I mean every person has some negative points... none is perfect in this world. If he has one or two bad habits then we should just ignore them and move on. But it doesn't mean that we should divorce him. He just stares, he doesn't have any illegitimate relationship with another girl. I know its very irritating when guys stare not only for girls but for thier wife as well but still divorce is not a solution. just my point of view.

I never said that i would go for a divorce if he had a creepy habit of staring. The way this girl presented her problem was that her husband would look out for the prettiest and stare at her. IF this man was my husband, i would never trust him, why? If hes picking out the hot ones infront of me, he could be doing them behind me? Once you lose the trust, its all ruined, me and my husband (used to be in a relationship for 5 yrs) , we go out all the time, we notice good looking people, make fun of it, laff, he notices pretty girls, but his** gaze never lingers,** and he doesnt like stepping into shops where there are lots of ladies (mashallah), he waits outside, so yes, i started my post with saying its normal for girls and guys to look at the opposite sex beauty. Did you read her post? It happens all the time, shes crying over it, shes losing sleep over it, so what, she should be okay with it? Wow, good luck with that. The perfect husband doesnt make you cry and then repeat the same ****,so thats an oxymoron. I dont know her well, but thats the feeling i got that such a man, if he had the chance , would get into an extra marital relationship, so thats why i said divorce. Unless you think thats a light issue too?

[maryam23]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

i agree with sweet lil hunnie

[NomiCA]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

so divorce it is......

[Lusi]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

@princessjojo

^^ After 4 pages, I still haven't read a good solution other than get used to it. So, juvenile as it may be, sometimes you have for the tit for tat way.

Honestly, the only thing that will stop him is one of these girls embarrassing him big time or, maybe, age.

I am sorry, there are places where you can say..oh tit for tat but this is not one of them.

[Crime_Master_GOGO]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

^ True.

[sharaabee]

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

Improve your sex life.