My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

Okay, I really need your help PLZ!!!

I understand that ALL men stare at women and check them out even if they’re with the most gorgeous woman ever. I’m sure Abhishek Bachan checks out women occasionaly even though he’s married to the most beautiful woman in the world.

But honestly my husband does it ALOT. Whenever we go somewhere, I will catch him looking at almost any young girl who is thin and somewhat pretty…Okay Im not jealous at all, if a really gorgeous woman was walking down the street, I would totally understand if my husband WAS looking at her…however it makes me so mad that he looks at ALL girls…

Whenever we go out, local store, restaurant, he somehow finds that one “pretty” girl in the corner somewhere and keeps glancing at her, and it drives me nuts! I mean, i figure when me and him go out, were so lost in our own talks and our life that we don’t notice…I mean I notice hot guys too, but not notice them right away in a supermarket far away!! Or we go out in a restaurant, he noticed a girl in the far corner and will try to glance at her in a non obvious way, but I know perfectly well what he’s looking at…

I’ve spoken to him, yelled at him, soo many times…whenever I catch him of course his answer is always: “no i wasn’t!” “I was looking at something else” of course he’s not gonna admit checking out the girls…

Everytime I talk to him about it, and I even cry so much in front of him. He promises me that he won’t do it again, but that just means " I won’t do it in a way that I will get caught" and he still continues doing it, but does it in a secret way when he’s sure I’m not looking..

Also, whenever he sees a pretty girl walking this way or something, he starts getting weird, and starts looking in the other direction oddly and behaves weirdly, and its sooo freakin obvious to me! In my head i’m just thinking okay he thought that girl was hot, thats why he’s behaving strangely.

I love my husband, we get along so well, this just really bothers me sooo much! its bothering me to a point where I’m scared to go anywhere with him, because I will have to see him checking out girls, like I said if he randomnly did it, I probably wouldn’t care, but it’s almost every girl…it makes me feel like he’s a jungle ka aadmi who hasn’t seen girls ever! and It makes me feel so insecure…and the girls he checks out aren’t even that hot, they’re just okay looking…it makes me mad that he doesn’t even have class

I’ve talked to him so many times, he knows it hurts me, but he just can’t stop…I know it, I’ve tried ignoring it when going out, I’ve tried changing and just accepting it, but I just can’t, its too hard…I just wanna go out normally and spend time together just the two of us, theres always gonna be people everywhere can’t avoid that.

I don’t think im being jealous, I just don’t like the fact that my husband will think any randomn girl is pretty especially now that were married…whenever we go somewhere I see a pretty girl and I’m like “oh no, don’t turn this way my husband is gonna stare at her” and when she does, sure enough he starts glancing at her, possible checking her out when my back is turned, and starts getting weird…

It hurts so much, I just think about it soo much…I cry when I’m alone..I can’t talk to anyone about this, plz plz help me! Any advice?? dua’s to you guys :slight_smile:

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

He just looks at them right?
It's OK. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you. maybe he's just checking them out and thanking his stars and saying "phew, thank goodness I'm married to pakieyez!!"

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

Tissue? :flower1:

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

God, that made me so sad to read. Did you know about his habit before getting married? And you should be really blunt with him and rather than saying how hurt you are about it, also add in how girls find guys like that ultra creepy and uncomfortable. And confront him by saying "Look, i get people are pretty and we might get intrigued to look at them, even I would at some handsome guy, but then there comes a point where you glance and MOVE ON. What you do is borderline creepy and really embarrassing -- not just for me but mostly for you!"

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

You should stop cooking dal chawal and start making spicy/chat patti Biryani at home.

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

Im sorry for what you're going through :(

How long have you been married?

I have seen men who do what your husband does. Its not uncommon. However, if you asked him to trade his wife for any one of those hot girls...he would never do it. Some men have this habit and most of the time...dont even know they're doing it. They have no idea they were checking out a girl, its a momentary thing and so short they forget it happened.

My advice to you is to NOT let it get to you. That will be a struggle since he checks out everyone. Stop being so insecure and allowing this to eat at your self-esteem. It cannot and should not. Its easier said than done, I know.

When he checks them out, ask him if he'd like their number.

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

he does this in a secret way and you are so good you still see him checkin out other girls. really now.... either your husband is too dumb to be discreet enough to check girls out, or you are hell bent on noticing this no matter what. which is it?

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

why are you so creepy?

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

If he's staring at them, that's kind of rude. Most guys will take a second look if they can get a chance, but then again, most normal decent people will be more careful when their wife is next to them.

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

i said the same thing in other kind a words and receive warning... :(

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

In the end If nothing helps, I would perhaps do the same and let him have a taste of his own medicine until he realizes how it actually feels like to be on the receiving end.

I'm not a Professional when it comes to life1 matters so hence pardon if the advice given is inappropriate or unfair.

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

I have always maintained that if someone oggles at woman or vise versa, then it is wrong. Secondly, you are his wife...try to understand why does he looks at other women like this. May be there is something missing in bed?. Try to address this and see where both of you are at..and willing to improve yours and his relationship.

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

really.. if the guy gets good sex, he wont look at other women when he isnt having sex? who makes these rules?

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

should i remove my post? :konfused:

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

Well Monogamous marriage is not for everyone, thus Islam allows Polygamy. ;)

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

uh thats a terrible thing to say

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

I was being sarcastic! There's a reason I have a wink smilie in that post.

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

Thurkey punnay ka koi Ilaaj nahi...aap bhi taro aur larko ko maybe then he'll know how you feel.

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

Sister, we need to realize that no matter how many times we try to rotate a fan with a stick, the fan will stop moving the moment we remove the stick. We need to try to develop current inside the fan so that it may keep rotating even in our absence.

For your husband to stop staring at girls, your fear is nothing for him. It is only possible with the fear & love of Allah (swt), nothing else. Even though I can't provide you the references, but few things I would like to share that I learn't from scholars having the knowledge of authentic hadith books.

First try to develop an understanding with him through love & affection. Serve him with an intention of pleasing Allah (swt). Prepare the food he likes, wear the clothes that he likes to see at homes,..help him in his office matters by giving good logical points...etc. (whatever you are good at). Once you feel that he is going to listen carefully to what you say. Share with him that you came to know of few things about looking at na-mehrams that has really helped you. That those who misuse their eyes won't be able to see the Prophet (saw) in their dreams. That heart is the place where the most precious thing in the universe reside, i.e. IMAAN. Out of the 4 windows of heart (Eyes, ears, mind & tongue), eyes protects from shaitaan 70% of ones Imaan. If this window (eyes) is kept open to all the dirt/dust (immoral gaze) this dirt would first enter the mind through the eyes to develop immoral thoughts and then it enters the heart to develop immoral desires.

Whoever immediately removes his gaze from a stranger woman Allah (swt) would bless his heart with spiritual satisfaction and his nikkah would be done with a hoor of jannah. Just like he himself doesn't want his mother/wife/sister/daughter to be stared at in an immoral way, other people also don't want it. Justice demands that we should like for others what we like for ourselves.

These eyes are a blessing of Allah (swt). He has taken it back from thausands of people after giving it to them in this life. Alhamdulillah, if Allah hasn't yet taken back this blessing from us, the best way of being thankful to HIM for this blessing is to use it the way HE wants us to use it. Protection of one's gaze is related to the memorizing of Quran and hadith. Anyone who doesn't protect his gaze won't be able to easily memorize the verses of Quran and Hadiths. Also, in the grave the first thing that the insects eat are the eyes. Those who have misused it would feel the unexplainable pain in their eyes.

Pray to Allah (swt) for him as much as you can. Do astaghfaar and tell him that the dirt added to ones soul through eyes can only be washed with tears of repentance and quran recitation. Also when you yourself protect your eyes from seeing na-mehrams on TV & in real life, nothing can have a better impact on him than your own practice, as actions speak louder than words.

Sorry for the lenghty post. Would try to add later more of what I learned from my elders, inshaAllah.

Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!

U said u cried...he promised he won't do this again but he still does...!!!!He won't change . Accept him the way he is or leave him if it's hurting you everytimr and you think you can't take this anymore.Allah unhe hidayat de .ameen.