My friends dark past...

[ZaiN_12345]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *

errr ..I think Hoor bano is talking about her friend.. not herself.
[/QUOTE]

i know that and i'm not talking and her either. but she is the one posting her problem . i don't know if that girl even knows her problem is being discussed here.

anyways, i said it before and will say it again, i for one am not at all posting with regards to any islamic perspective. so don't bring me in if you want to bash others for bringing in islam.

[ZaiN_12345]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by hiccup: *

I refuse to be drawn into your petty thought, don't be so presumptuous, and do not put stupid idiot and ignorant words in my mouth, before you pass judgement on me and take things so personally as to hurt, think of the girl. In fact, start to think. I am happy for your family, I wouldn't wish that **** on anyone.
[/QUOTE]

i have no need to put any stupid idiot or ignorant words in your mouth.
knowing that you are a brit is enough for me. :p

about thinking of the girl, she should think of herself too. instead of sheeding tears and feeling guilty, she should have told someone to take care of this problem. but no she didn't do that and worse, maybe she won't do anything at all. its her friend who is seeking help on her behalf, no body knows what that girl is doing to lessen the pain and trauma, if any.

[amelie]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by hoor bano: *

Going public would benefit her health

[/QUOTE]

Ok, I'm going to repeat this...going public is not a must or a priorty to help her heal. I know many women who wre molested and they did not have to tell their family or reveal the guy to "deal" with the problem....they can if that's important but I would rather have her get counseling and deal with her own emotional issues and not hesitate to do that because she feels that she must go public.

[LuxuryItem]

^ This is incredible. It seems like hoor bano was own ideas about how her friend ought to proceed in this matter.

hoor bano,

Best thing you can do for your friend is to encourage her to seek professional help.

[Ex-Guppy]

*Originally posted by amelie: *

Ok, I’m going to repeat this…going public is not a must or a priorty to help her heal. I know many women who wre molested and they did not have to tell their family or reveal the guy to “deal” with the problem…they can if that’s important but I would rather have her get counseling and deal with her own emotional issues and not hesitate to do that because she feels that she must go public.

Your right that’s what I had suggested to her before posting thinking counseling would be the best way for her to deal with it, everyone is suggesting going public (telling her family) would benefit other girls who could have been possible victims.

[Ex-Guppy]

*Originally posted by ZaiN_12345: *
why should we be ashamed of ourselves? you should be ashamed of your so-called-civilized-self that a person comes here on a BB and accuse someone of molesting her that too with out any proof or evidence and here you all are, up with arms to slit his throat.

keeping this in mind, anyone can accuse anyone at anytime and he’ll end up in a lot of trouble even without knowing why all this happened.

For the life of me I don’t know, why you think she’s making this up.

[paki_maryam]

*Originally posted by ZaiN_12345: *

i was only making a point. proof or no proof, i don’t case. if the accused asked for proof, it won’t be my headache. and about making up things, why on earth anyone make up anything? for personal gains, revenge, hatred, jealousy etc. motives are countless. however, the berdon of proof lies on this girl’s shoulders. however, i don’t think she wants to prove anything. all she wants is peace of mind and that guilt [surprisingly she is feeling guilty] to go away.

when you are in someone else shoes, you think more logically. but when you are only there to advice, you come up with loads of crap to justify almost anything that eould harm the person, without giving him/her any chance to defend. in the end truth will come out, sooner / later,

OK Now your making my blood boil, why would anybody be motivated to make such a lie, do you have any idea of what the girl is going through, I don’t think you understand, you missed the point and made this situation into another ordeal about lying, she’s trying to give her friend a piece of mind here. Her friends a victim and she’s suffering the consequences because of what that freak imposed on her does it ring a bell or shall I say it again SHE IS THE VICTIM HERE NOT HIM.

Hoor bano check your PM.

[samina_mm]

I just hope your friend makes it through whatever path she chooses, maybe you could take the suggestions of those girls into account, those who have actually been through similar ordeals (lastknightness, pariyon ke rani, corrupt angel) that should help. take care!

[Shakila_ss]

Zain and Lajawab I am at loss of words to describe how I feel about what you two wrote, my God in this day and age I can't believe people still think in those terms.

[ch_and-be_ii]

Irem: why were certain comments deleted? Those regarding a certain someone mostly? He posts on this board, so it is not something unusual that he gets reactions from other members.

I don't think the comments were even anywhere near to as insulting as some member's post in other forums( which btw don't get deleted).

[ZaiN_12345]

*Originally posted by Shakila ss: *
Zain and Lajawab I am at loss of words to describe how I feel about what you two wrote, my God in this day and age I can’t believe people still think in those terms. slap

yeah its strange that people talk about proof and evidence in this day and age. it shouldn’t be like that. it should be like wht bush did to invade iraq. cook up a lie and attack a country and kill thousands to gain access to oil. is this the day and age you are talking about?

and for pak m, read again. when you are motivated for something, you don’t think how low / high you’ll go to achieve it. this is a general perception. what happened between her and that guy is between them. the only 3rd being there was Allah. now if she can get Allah to come and testify for her, all the better. :halo: if not then what can i say. if she went on to accuse that guy, she’ll be in for a rude awakening. mind you its not a new thing that the accuser gets bashed for nothing. its a similar reaction everywhere. you can call it a universal truth. no one will go down without a fight, no matter how guilty they are.

[abc1234]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
Irem: why were certain comments deleted? Those regarding a certain someone mostly? He posts on this board, so it is not something unusual that he gets reactions from other members.

I don't think the comments were even anywhere near to as insulting as some member's post in other forums( which btw don't get deleted).
[/QUOTE]

Chandbeti, the comments were deleted for the reasons I mentioned in the thread already. That is, they were personal in nature, either were too insulting or alluded to family members.

I'm not sure about other forums, I don't even read all of them, so if there is something offensive there, please PM the respective forum mods, and they'll take care of the issue :) I'm only responsible for this forum. If you also find similar comments in this forum, I might have skipped them by mistake so I request you to PM me about them and I'll take care of it. Shukria :)

p.s. I'll leave your comments and my reply here just for this time. Next time if you have questions that are directed to me and unrelated to the topic of the thread, please PM me rather than replying to the thread just so we don't derail the thread :) Thanks and salam.

[larki_punjaban]

CB- what I meant by saying that i partially agree with Lajawab was that I do believe that coming out in the open may not be the best thing for her.

Some ppl need to get revenge and let everything out to come to terms with the situation...however there are others who don't need or want that...from what i've read about her friend it seems like she's not emotionally strong enuff to deal with the probing question and comments that are bound to come her way if she decides to go public...it may as well cause her family to fall apart...i mean if the girl is scared to tell her mother than she is most definately not ready to tell the public! Personally I think that the best thing for her to do is to seek professional help! If she's in US then it should not be too tuff to seek help without letting her family know.

[Shakila_ss]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ZaiN_12345: *

yeah its strange that people talk about proof and evidence in this day and age. it shouldn't be like that. it should be like wht bush did to invade iraq. cook up a lie and attack a country and kill thousands to gain access to oil. is this the day and age you are talking about?
[/QUOTE]

Ahuh, noo I was talking about the fact that you accused the girl of being a liar, and that Lajawab thought the only way she'll get some piece is if she forgives, we are trying to help the girl here not the other way around.

[Shakila_ss]

*Originally posted by larki_punjaban: *
CB- what I meant by saying that i partially agree with Lajawab was that I do believe that coming out in the open may not be the best thing for her.

Some ppl need to get revenge and let everything out to come to terms with the situation…however there are others who don’t need or want that…from what i’ve read about her friend it seems like she’s not emotionally strong enuff to deal with the probing question and comments that are bound to come her way if she decides to go public…it may as well cause her family to fall apart…i mean if the girl is scared to tell her mother than she is most definately not ready to tell the public! Personally I think that the best thing for her to do is to seek professional help! If she’s in US then it should not be too tuff to seek help without letting her family know.

Yeah I think you have a point here I don’t think she’ll be able to handle publicity, it seems she’d rather just deal with it.

[Ex-Guppy]

Just wanted to add a update we just found out “his” son has a major crush on my friend, she turned him down, his son is going to be paying a price for his fathers actions seems as if he’s heads over heels over her, he didn’t take it lightly. Whats your take on that?

[Fatso]

Does your friend know that you are discussing her personal life with bunch of strangers?

I know i wouldnt like it. I mean she trusted you with this secret and you are discussing it on open fourms.

Its good that you care but you shouldnt talk about it so openly and then provide us with updates on her personal life.

I know ..I dont have to read it … but i cant help it

this is just my opinion…

Sorry if u dont like it

[ZaiN_12345]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Shakila ss: *

Ahuh, noo I was talking about the fact that you accused the girl of being a liar, and that Lajawab thought the only way she'll get some piece is if she forgives, we are trying to help the girl here not the other way around.
[/QUOTE]

ahaan, i'm accusing the girl of being a liar. hmmmm, very strange, may i ask where is the proof from her side that she is telling the truth? anyways i don't want to argue again. seems like you people are head-over-heel to make her life more miserable [not to mention to make lives of many others] by bringing the whole issue into the open. ok so forgiveness is not the best option. what else is then? to kill the guy? where will she end up then? on a death-row most likely. if killing the guy is to extreme then sueing him is the next best option. but then where is the evidence? where is the proof? well there is none. this option goes down the drain. what else is left to try. a shrink ofcourse. how will that shrink help her to deal with it. in the end the only person who can help her is she herself. she can't forget and can't firgive. in that case, she'll continue to suffer forever. there is no way out unless she wants to get out.

[Fatso]

*Originally posted by ZaiN_12345: *

ahaan, i’m accusing the girl of being a liar. hmmmm, very strange, may i ask where is the proof from her side that she is telling the truth? anyways i don’t want to argue again. seems like you people are head-over-heel to make her life more miserable [not to mention to make lives of many others] by bringing the whole issue into the open. ok so forgiveness is not the best option. what else is then? to kill the guy? where will she end up then? on a death-row most likely. if killing the guy is to extreme then sueing him is the next best option. but then where is the evidence? where is the proof? well there is none. this option goes down the drain. what else is left to try. a shrink ofcourse. how will that shrink help her to deal with it. in the end the only person who can help her is she herself. she can’t forget and can’t firgive. in that case, she’ll continue to suffer forever. there is no way out unless she wants to get out.

Well said :k:

I m not saying that the girl is making up the story. but believe me forgiving him is best thing she can do. and i m speaking from personal exerience. I hope she can put this all behind her and move on. its easier said than done. but one got to try it.

[larki_punjaban]

forgiving him is easier said than done...she has suffered for several years and she can't just simply decide to forgive someone who put her thru the suffering, its not that easy...she needs to rele understand more about herself and her situation before she decides to do nething...and a psychiatrist can help her to do that...she needs professional help!