OK so my best friend finally confided me in on a something she held to herself for a period of seven years. She told me she was molested for three consecutive years by a close relative starting in the 8th grade and well into the 10th grade. She said he would come over everyday when she would be alone in the afternoon (while both her parents were still at work) and touch her, he would offer to take her to doctor appointments and tell her to sit in the front seat and touch her, at family gatherings whenever the adults would look away he would touch her and always kept a watch on her. He bought expensive gifts for her for Eid perhaps trying ease his guilt, I don’t know. She felt ashamed of herself all this time and hence kept it a secret and also because she though it would wear away itself but in fact it increased, she would cry herself to sleep, her grades began to drop and finally after 10th grade when it started to wane away she ignored that it had ever happened. The reason she is not telling her mother is because her mother always is saying to her to “protect” yourself from these things and that’s all I need, but that’s exactly what happened and she feels it’ll hurt her mother and her mother is already emotionally stressed so she can’t bear to tell this to her parents it would just cause them more sadness. Now this close relative was a male uncle with a son older than her and three daughters now six years later his daughters are grown and he watches them like a hawk, he’s changed himself for the better and has become real religious and everyone is endlessly praising him for it, but my best friend still sees only his dark side whenever she lays her eyes upon him.
My friend well no exaggeration here mashallah she’s a beauty, and really intelligent mashallah she got into a prestigious university, and she lacks nothing…but these days she dwells so much on her past she feels like she doesn’t deserve anything because of what happened, she thinks she shouldn’t get married because getting close to someone will remind her of the unwanted attention she got not so long ago, she’s become so depressed over this I don’t know what to tell her.
What should she do? How do I comfort her? And guys how would you feel if your spouse told you she was molested for such a long time? Do you think she should tell this to her spouse before marriage takes place?
