my fiance is cheating on me??

Lifestyle Relationships
141

There isn't really solid evidence that he is cheating. Are you sure he wrote those emails? Sometimes other people can use someone elses account, sa or write something in someone elses name. (for example, my older brother used to say fake things to some of my friends, they thought it was me) Maybe someone is trying to get your fiance in trouble for nothing. Or perhaps he allowed someone in his family or one of his friends to use his email.

First try to find out who is the sender of those emails. If you really are sure he is a cheater, then you should consider if you could live with someone like that. Personally, I would want someone for whom I would be enough. He could have any male and female friends, but for love, I wouldn't want to share my husband. For each person it's different. Some females don't have a problem with it. Think about what you want in life, what you can handle, how much he does or doesn't care about you. Then make a decision that suits your own character.

142

These are the actions of a person who just got caught red-handed. Basically, your fiance got caught cheating on you and now is begging you to take him back. Its not like he is denying it, he is apologizing for it and saying openly that it happened. Im sorry, I wont do it again...meaning I have done it at least once before.

Being mean to someone who is pleading with you is hard. But you're not being mean here...you're trying to do what is right for you. Strawberry...his feelings, his family, his cheating, his excuses all come later. YOU come first. You need to figure out if this is the type of life you want.

Ill give you an example from my own life...I dont bother checking up on him. I dont call him to find out where he is, what he is doing, why he isnt home, etc. I dont ask for his passwords, I dont even look in his phone! WHY? Because I trust him and I know he isnt going anywhere. If I have to keep tabs on him all the time, Ill get a pet! I need a partner that will share this life with me, not someone I have to baby-sit! Thats how you should feel. You should NOT be anxious about him possibly falling in love with another girl. You should not have to live with this horrible feeling of never knowing what he is upto.

Do you realize what this could be Strawberry??? This could be a wakeup call for you woman! Dont you think there is a reason you found those emails? You've got all the evidence you need and if you still dont take any action then at the end of the road you will have no one to blame but yourself. You've got proof of what he is doing in front of your face.

Ill also tell you something Ive seen happen PERSONALLY. This is a true story. I know a girl, decent looking, educated, dentist, good family, etc. She got engaged to this guy who is pretty well known in the community for being a ladies man (to put it delicately). But the family is well off so he got what he wanted, a dentist. A month or so after the engagement, I saw him with my own eyes kissing another girl at a restaurant in downtown. What an idiot! I was with some friends who saw it too and we also knew the girl. We got in touch with this gal and asked her what the hell she is doing kissing a guy who is about to marry another girl...we were mad at her. She had no idea he was engaged and was irate! I left the scene at that time...it was too much drama for me. But from my friends I heard that the girl actually went to the fiance and told her what was going on...she even 3-wayed him and spoke to him in front of her face to prove she wasnt lying.

Guess what? They still got married. And guess what? He never stopped cheating on her. He was seen by my friends twice in different hotels of Chicago with some very questionable looking women (no, they werent his sisters and no he wasnt helping them cross the street) AND also tried to get in touch with my friend again. What a sleaze ball.

The point of this post is...now you know. You were literally handed all the evidence you need. I think it would be foolish to continue with this relationship. He doesnt love you. He is not sincere. He isnt honest - which is the LEAST we ask for in a relationship. He doesnt care about hurting you. Your familly doesnt mean anything to him. Most importantly, you dont mean anything to him. All he is afraid of is being outed in front of his parents and your parents. Thats it.

Drop him.

143

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

stawberry i am so sorry you are going through this :hugz: IS there a way to talk to one of your parents and show them the emails without them flipping out? talk to them calmly and ask for their advice on the situation. I really truly hope that atleast your dad wont say you are being childish. I know my abbu would not tolerate this situation if my fiance was doing this to me.

And also whoever is suggesting, go talk to the girl, that is just ridiculous. He can easily find other girls to talk to, are you going to go talk to all of them?

144

Oh my heart goes out to you.
I know it hurts alot but stay calm.

Give him a phone call, say okay i think I donot like you anymore..And i will definately find a perfect guy for me.And say but as i was loyal n i think i loved youso now its my duty to think good for you, i will try to combine you both(i mean your f and his girlfriend)

Arrange a dinner for them both ,Congratulations n Celebrations etc.

Then pray for your self..

145

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

strawberry please do not forgive him this time , men who are not comitted at engagement woh baad main kya comitted hongay ..

he knws he wronged u and if u forgive him again he will keep on doing it.

give ur parents the evidence , and stay adamant that u will not marry this guy

in fact u should have recorded the convo when he admitted he cheated on u

i cant believe he actually had the nerve to apologise knowing he had done this before and promised the same then

he is truly a looser

please dump him , we end up getting hurt ourselves by giving men like him a chance

146

Strawberry, what is there to think about? What more do you need to convince you that this guy is a loser, and really only wants for your greencard? Do you need to catch him in bed with another girl AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED, before you finally make your decision?

I fully agree with the statement, FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU; FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME.....

Consider this something from Allah swt that is showing you MULTIPLE times the reality of this guy. Take that hint from Allah and drop him asap. Shut this laptop, say bismillah, and give those e-mails to your parents and tell them you are done with this guy.

Also, you are making me want to scream with this "he will sweet talk to me" thing AT YOU! For heaven's sake, do you not have mind of your own? Are you really that gullible? If you're going to through life falling for "sweet talking," Then people will just bury you alive! Consider this also an oppurtunity to make yourself a stronger more independent person. YOu are taking this sweet talking excuse way way to far- I say, build a stronger backbone, and USE YOUR HEAD!!

"Sweet talking" is NOT going to excuse gullibility on your part! Personally whem I meet women like this, I think "if you are that gullible, then you are asking for it and noone can help you"

147

hey strawberry you ave been given some awesome advice by many people here. I seriously think you can do so much better than this guy. Do not give him another chance as you already gave him one before. This is your life remember, you do not need this loser in it, inshallah you will find someone better who loves you for you and acts like a man. Do not listen to his sweet talk, call him and tell him its over. this is not the time for isthkara that time passed long ago.

Girl if you stay with loser you will always wonder, what he is doing all your life because he broke you trust long ago. Seriously what would you do in 10 years time when ur married to him + kids and he cheats. Save your self from the pain to come as a lepord does not change its spots.I think all he sees in you is a green card

148

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Agree with straightup, drop it like it's hot.

I've had friends who's bfs have cheated on them, and after being caught plenty of times they still continue it. Think about it, the guy us doing this cuz he's not happy with just being with u. Do u think there will be some miracle and suddenly he will be sincere to u? Uve gotta be out of ur mind if u think he won't cheat on u again and if u think u can remain sane and happy after marriage to this guy.

Please don't marry this guy. You don't deserve all the mistrust and misery. There are truly great guys out there and u will find someone much better that actually deserves u inshallah. Talk to ur family before u speak to him again.

149

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

If anyone tells you things will be fine after marriage...dont believe them. There are certain boundaries that should never be crossed, a certain respect that should always be maintained, a loyalty that should always be honored, your image in his eyes as his partner, etc. Once you cross these limits...its not often that people make a complete turnaround.

ab us se rishta-e-jaaN ustuwar apna hai
ab us se rishta-e-jaaN ustuwar apna hai
150

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Strawberry, dump him, he is cheating on you. He will do it again. How can you not see that he is after your green card, he doesn't care for you. So what if your Dad and his friend won't be happy or even friendly after all this. Trust me, if you carry on with the Fraudia Guy, you will be more upset as a married woman than as an engaged woman. Your parents need to be involved now. No need to go to your little sister, let her study - go straight to your parents and tell them that you will not marry this guy. I bet you can find someone 100 times better. Think of your long term future.

And please don't be weak and keep saying that you think he will sweet talk you. Of course he will - thats his role as a cheater. He will say anything and everything to get that greencard and not get besti from his parents. They will be mad at him and maybe even you. But who cares. Cut your losses and run, there are so many decent men in the USA on H1's and on TN's and with Green cards and American citizenship - marry one of those - forget this guy... seriously woman you are making me worry :)

Take care xx

151

I've heard so many parents say this, as if a wife is some magical solution to the man's bad behaviour whether it's 'messing around' with girls, doing drugs or drinking. 'Oh he'll change' and in the vast majority of cases they don't. Makes me sick.

152

Strawberry, all the guys on here who are saying it's no big deal, engagement isn't a commitment etc. they would not be saying that if it had been you or their own fiancees who had written those emails. In that case it would have been 'she has no morals', 'she has no shame' etc. etc.

Get rid of ur fiance, u can do better. He hung up on u so he can go off to delete the incriminating evicence and then made up some crap about his fone being out of credit. He's a cheater and a liar - not husband material.

On another note, people in Pakistan get up to the same stuff (and sometimes worse) as those in the West, it is all happening, just behind closed doors. I was reading on the Islamic forum Ummah.com the other day about a woman whose husband had cheated on her and prior to this had been sleeping with his own 15yr-old niece back in Pakistan - and who knows how many yrs this had been going on!! His family knew and just looked the other way so pls don't assume that because someone grew up 'back home' that they will usually have better morals.

153

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

I am so glad you found out abt your finace's bad habit now...before the wedding.

I think you should involve the parents in this matter (both his n urs). one of the main reason i m suggesting this is so he is embarrassed by what he did and nothing could be worse thn parents n their "looks"...i m pretty sure thats not going to stop him doing it again but at least you wont be the bad one in the situation.

Tell the parents tht you want out becuase of his behavior in the past and current, you dont want to give more chance and that you wont ever be able to trust him again. Also dont let the parents change your mind (they probably will try to).

good luck!

154

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Some woman convention here!

Strawberry - you wont trust the guy ever again anyway. Whats the point.

155

^Auraton mein aapka kiya kaam? :grumpy:

156

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

^ somebody needs to be there to neutralize the situation. With all due respect to the feminists here, some of this valuable advice is good enough to turn a straight girl into a lesbo if you know what I mean. Just playing my part in keeping the world a better place.

157

Lol I wondered when that word would crop up...

Timepass- December 2012
158

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

dont get married, you are not mature enough too.

passwords are very personal things. "oh there should not be any thing hidden b/w wife and husband" talks look good in afsanay and dramey but in real, this is very personal space that everyone need to live. If someone is willingly and happily sharing the password then its ok else you should not force anyone too.

159

Would you also care to comment on the other "real" issue here?

160

relax, my solution will solve the "real" issue too.