my fiance is cheating on me??

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

thanks redvelvet!

so im not making this into a big deal right?

im srry if i sed anything wrong in my pervious posts.. it just got me really heated how
some of u think becuz dats how he probably thinks too!

the pwd issue is bothering me becuz if he never gave it to me.. i wud have probably never found out nd he wud have been someone to me that hes not. funny thing is he knows i kno his facebook pwd nd i never went on it cuz it didnt matter but i did check today.. nd it has NOTHING but guess wat all the grls he talk to secretly are from fb. he e-mails them instead of writing on their wall so i wudnt find out. how cleaver!

Strawberry,

You're not making a big deal out of the password since 1) he gave it to you himself and 2) you found inappropriate emails. The fact that you found such emails justifies your concern.

There is one advice that I would like to give you. Be confident and secure with yourself. Not every girl that a guy talks to is his "girlfriend." She can also be just a friend, cousin, sister, coworker, neighbor.

In the future, no matter which guy you marry, don't jump to conclusions about his contact with females UNLESS you have strong evidence (as in your current situation). I have female friends on facebook...who have male contacts. Many of those male contacts are just friends or cousins or coworkers or acquaintances.

You know my dad travels a lot in his line of work. Sometimes he'd be away for a couple of weeks. And one day I asked my mom if the situation makes her nervous. And she told me, "It's all about trust. Marriage should have trust." My mom trusts my dad when he's away from home or when he's on the internet. My dad, AH, has not given my mom reason to be suspicious.

^ And that's what you need to remember in the future. WAIT until you have STRONG evidence. If you DON"T HAVE evidence....then its not right to assume that every single girl is a girlfriend.

After marriage, you might one day run into a male acquaintance from your school. You might even run into a male family friend. You might stop and smile/talk to this male. It would be wrong for your husband to assume that you have romantic feelings for the guy. See what I mean?

If a guy has female friends on facebook.......so what? That's no big deal. It's no reason to get scared. BUT if you have SOUND EVIDENCE that he's communicating romantically with these females.....then you can worry about it. BUT until then......it's better to not to become suspicious.

In your current situation, you found proof that your fiance is acting shady. So, you have every right to be concerned. You're not making a big deal in this situation as you have the evidence. Now you just have to hear what he has to say.

As I said earlier, you're on the right track. I'm proud of you for making the effort to talk to this guy. You're already becoming stronger:)

Also, please show the emails to your parents as they are also involved in this matter. Maybe you should print out the emails....in case they are deleted by him later on. If your fiance gives you a stupid explanation for those emails...then the only way for you to convince your parents is if u show them the emails. So print them out or have them read it on the computer.

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Please dont listen to anyone that says your being wierd about the password situation. You're not. You didnt hack into his account, you didnt go behind his back, you didnt follow him around or stalk him. You asked and he gave...thats how it is between a couple...any couple. IF I ever needed his password, I would ask him and he wouldnt hesitate to give it. And vice versa of course.

You're doing fine.

Dear Sweet Strawberry, my heart goes out to you and your present predicament. I really hope that you can see that you are:

(1) suspicious of this guy for good reason (trust your gut instinct)
(2) unhappy with him at a very deep level even though you wanted to make this rishta work
(3) have found proof of his bad niyat towards you - he has no respect for you being an engaged man he should not be contacting girls with lovey dovey emails
(4) attractive to him for your greencard (as soon as he hits the USA, he could spend 1 or 2 or more happy years with you to qualify for his own green card then bugger off to Pak and find a new Dulhan to bring to the US (Lots of girls have had this happen to them)).
(5) engaged to an immature guy
(6) too scared to break it off for fear of your parents, your own reputation (you seriously don't have to worry about this - a divorce is a hundred times worse than broken engagements and there are many divorced girls who re-marry - so a broken engagement is easier to bounce back from)

You had EVERY right to ask for his password. He obviously deleted his inbox emails and was too dumb to delete his 'sent emails'. Seriously find a nice guy in the US yaar, yeh Pakistan se rishta lanaa is such a bad idea unless you really fall in love with someone and KNOW them. I am stereotyping but in the UK where I live so many girls have gotten burnt by bringing someone from back home. AND BEFORE ANYONE JUMPS DOWN MY THROAT - yes there are many happy examples of arranged UK/US/pakistani wedding - but in my experience few and far between...

Strawberry, be rational, be calm, take your time, gather evidence, speak to your mom again and again... remember she is as scared as you are... Stand your ground sister, we are all here for you (even the people telling you off for asking for his password want you to be happy and at peace deep down) and let us know what happened.

xx
E.

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

strawberry plz do and i cant emphasize the do not more , please do not marry a guy and think you can or he will change after marriage coz im telling you he will not !

after marriage especially these paki guys think they acquire the right to do whatever they want as they are the "husband"

better to be safe den sorry

dump him before it gets worse and there will be someone better who truly deserves you

and im suprised at engagement not being a comittment no wonder we gt so many sados here who cnt even think straight

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

strawberry, not all men think like the ones here: i know my husband would never ever think of an engagement as not a committement. Neither would my brother. Or my abbu. Thats just not "normal".

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

i agree ira

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

ASSALAM O ALAIKUM

all i will say that since your suspicious on him , you should contact that girl he wrote mail to, if you think that he cant satisfy you about this matter or you think he might lie.

either send that girl mail from your personal E-mail address or create a new one if you don't want your finance to know about it.

that girl can clarify many things between you and your finance or make it worse .ALLAH knows best.
and IF they both are interested in each other you can show that to your parents. they will think deeper than they are now.

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

^ this is a good idea.

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

ok so i talked to him today!

basically i asked why is he marrying me? nd why is he ruining my life? he's like wat u talking abt and i asked if he likes a grl why dunt he just marry her.. y bring me in the middle. i asked him abt the grl nd hes like "oh u scared me.. shes like my lil sister" iduno how he expect me to believe dis but at this time he didnt know i read the mail cuz he thought he deleted them! i asked if dis is how u talk to ur lil sis.. read one of the lines nd i think he hung up on to me delet the mails. well i kinda got a clue so quickly went print them but only got to print 2 before he deleted all of them. he called me bak saying he didnt have creadit nd just bought some and dan he kept saying sorry for whatever he did and asking me to give him one last chance. i asked him why is he doing dis but he just kept quite ... dan when i yell and tell him to give me an answer..he says he dont know.

oh yeh i also asked him if this grl knows if we are engaged.. his answer was " shes not important.. y shud i tell everyone abt my engagment?" hello dis grl is filirting bak wit u cuz she tinks ur single. after he kept saying sorry for how he made me feel.. my phone died.

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

wait so he gave you his password knowing his 'lovey dovey' emails were still there?

that's definitely some high level hanky panky. good thing you're not married to this guy yet.

yeh i can do that but u really think she will tell me the truth. from her mails it seems like she has to hide and talk to him. she was like im srry i cant give u my number blahh blahh. she probably will be like i dunt know him. arent most grls like dat dere?

well he thought he deleted them but forgot to delet sent mails!

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

What are you going to do strawberry2? Stay with this man? He has admitted to his guilt (again). Only you can make the decision.

I think you should walk away now, have you discussed this with your parents yet? What is their advice?

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

i have talked to him in the morning and he called right now again. hes basically saying sorry again nd to give him one last chance to let me prove himself. he sed he will do everythign to make me trust him again. he will stop everythign from now on but i keep asking how do i know he is telling me the truth now? he sed the same thing last time. i asked why shud i give him one more chance .. hes like plz i will stop everything u just watch. i will make u trust me blah nd blah nd he admit he was wrong nd shudnt have done it. basically hes telling me not to tell my parents. i sed u always gona need other women to satisfy u! hes minpulating me. i hate dis! dan i was like if i dont tell them dan i want to do istakara but my parents wont do it unless i give them a good reason. hes like if this is wat u want.. i can have my mamoo do it for us. im like wat if he sees something wrong.. hes like i'll tell my mom we want to do it. i told him i need time to think abt this.

so guys now im just more lost dan before. hes making it hard for me? why cudnt he be a jackass nd b like do watever u want!

no today my sister had to studyy so i'll tell them tom inshallah nd i wont pik up his calls this way he cant sweet talk me into not telling them?

do u guys think i shud tell him dat i will tell my parents before telling them?

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Strawberry - I'm sorry, the guy does sound like a flunk.

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Strawberry, the way he reacted - you have to drop him like a hot potatoe!

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

No, don't tell him you will tell your parents. He will only sweet talk you more. And then he will run to his parents and manipulate them just as he has been manipulating you. Show the evidence to your parents, and let them handle it with his parents. Let your parents show his what kind of a son they have. If you tell him that you are involving the parents, he will run to his parents first and convince them that he is their innocent son. And then there is a good chance that you and your family will look like the guilty party.

Furthermore, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS! He hung up on you just to delete the emails! He is a liar, he is a manipulator, he is cheat, he is a snake. I'm so sorry to say these words to you, I know you are his fiance. Please don't put up with this. There is no happy ending dear. Think about tomorrow, next week, next year - think about your married life... You will always wonder, 'is he being honest with me? Is he lying? Is he cheating?' You don't want to live your life like that, do you?

And what if the worst does happen? What if he does cheat? What do you do then? End your marriage?

He might be scared enough right now not to try it right away. But in year, or a couple of months, once he feels comfortable, what's the guarantee that he won't do it again? And remember, he will be much smarter this time. It will be much harder to catch him..