Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
Oh wow, this is the first time i am hearing that an engagement is not a committement. I am glad not all guys think like that.
Oh wow, this is the first time i am hearing that an engagement is not a committement. I am glad not all guys think like that.
There is always a first time for everything.
Just because we are naively oblivious to hard facts of life, doesn’t prove a non-existence of those facts…
Islamic Shadi/Nikah has a religious significance that’s why there is a certain Islamic procedure for undoing them (TALAAQ).
On the other hand, engagement is just a cultural thing, which means nothing more than compatibility evaluation period for the two parties involved…
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
Again, this is not an issue of invasion of privacy. Secondly, the guy gave the password it's not like she forced it out of him.
It's an issue of infidelity.
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
As people have said the password isn't the issue here, but I will say he didn't actually decline to give it because he felt it was an invasion of his privacy (as many people are suggesting), but instead made other excuses. If I were in your shoes fact that he declined for reasons other than privacy would raise my suspicions too.
I am astounded that your mother has tried to turn it back on you? Is she really that desperate to get you married? I realise izzat etc is at stake, but a broken engaement is far better than a broken marriage and/or a life of misery. No mother would want that.
I would speak to your mum again. Print off emails (if they're still there), otherwise explain clearly verbatim what the content of the emails he sent was. It is NOT right or appropriate for him to maintain ANY level of intimacy with females. Female friends/work colleagues - fine, but if his interaction with them is anyway romantic then that is in no way acceptable.
You do also need to speak to him again, burying your head in the sand won't make the situation better or go away. Yes it's hard knowing what to say, however this is the guy your planning to spend the rest of your life with, you should be able to approach him with any of your concerns, and he should be man enough to listen to them and respond accordingly.
I'd start by explaining clearly to him why you wanted his password, that you weren't expecting to find anything, but when you looked at the sent items you found some emails that unfortunatley are causing you so worry, and making you wonder about his commitment to you and the marriage. Ask him to explain to you what those emails were about - give him a chance to defend himself, but say to him that you're not stupid and not to patronise you in assuming you'll believe him in saying it was his friend that sent it. If he does say that, ask why is it ok for his friend to have access to his account, but not you?
Say to him you want the truth, and that you are prepared to take it no matter how much it hurts - if he's had any kind of (virtual) relationship, then to be open and honest with you. As only then can you both decide what to do in the future, and how to build a strong and healthy relationship. IF that's what you want.
Do not allow him to stray and come back at you with the 'if you hadn't been snooping argument' - just say to him, what's done is done, but we now need to tackle the issue hand.
Once you've had this discussion, go back to your parents and tell them what was said, so that they can help you make the right decision, if you don't feel well equipped.
If it was just purely an evaluation period wouldnt it be acceptable for the boys and girls to carry on seeing other potentials?? - which obviously it isn’t.
The concept of engagement **does **exist in Islam, tho not in the exact same way as in the West with the exchange of rings and so on. Engagement in Islam signals the intention and agreement to marry the person in question, it’s not a ‘let’s see how we go and both carry on seeing other people incase I find someone better’
Engagement according to sharee’ah
'What is the concept of engagement in Islam. Usually an engagement party is one in which the fiance/fiancee exchange rings. Is this the prescribed method in the shariah?.
Praise be to Allaah.
**Engagement according to sharee’ah means that the man asks the woman to marry him. The view of the scholars is that engagement is prescribed for one who wants to get married. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): **
** “And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal…”**
** [al-Baqarah 2:235]
**
**and it was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) got engaged to ‘Aa’ishah. (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4793). And in al-Saheeh it also states that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) got engaged to Hafsah. (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4830).
**
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged the one who wants to get engaged to look at the woman to whom he wishes to propose. According to the hadeeth, “When any one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.” (Abu Dawood, al-Nikaah, 2082; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1832).
But in Islamic sharee’ah there are no specific practices that must be followed with regard to engagement. What some Muslims do, announcing the engagement, having a party to celebrate and exchanging gifts, all comes under the heading of customs which are permissible in principle, and none of them are haraam except those which sharee’ah indicates are haraam – which includes the exchange of rings between the engaged couple, a custom which is known in Arabic as “dublah.” This custom goes against sharee’ah for the following reasons:
1 – Some people think that these rings increase the love between the spouses and have an effect on their relationship. This is an ignorant (jaahili) belief and is an attachment to something for which there is no basis in sharee’ah and which does not make sense.
2 – This custom involves imitating the non-Muslims such as Christians and others. It is not a Muslim custom at all. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against that when he said, “You will inevitably follow the paths of those who came before you, handspan by handspan, cubit by cubit, until even if they entered the hole of a lizard, you will follow them.” We said, “O Messenger of Allaah, (do you mean) the Jews and Christians?” He said, “Who else?” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-I’tisaam bi’l-Kitaab wa’l-Sunnah, 6889; Muslim, al-‘Ilm, 6723).
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Libaas, 4031; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 3401).
3 – This engagement usually takes place before the ‘aqd (marriage contract), in which case it is not permissible for the man to put the ring on his fiancée’s hand himself, because she is still a stranger (non-mahram) to him, and has not yet become his wife.
Finally, we will quote the words of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) on this matter:
“ ‘Dublah’ is a word that refers to the engagement ring. In principle there is nothing wrong with rings (i.e., they are permissible), unless they are accompanied by certain beliefs, as some people do when the man writes his name on the ring that he gives to his fiancée, and the woman writes her name on the ring that she gives to her fiancé, believing that this will guarantee the bonds between the spouses. In this case this ‘dublah’ or engagement ring is haraam, because it represents an attachment to something for which there is no basis in sharee’ah and which does not make sense. Similarly it is not permissible for the man to put the ring on the woman’s hand himself, because she is not yet his wife, so she is still a stranger (i.e., non-mahram) to him; she is not his wife until after the marriage contract is done.”
Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 3/914.’
Source: Islam Question and Answer - Engagement according to sharee?ah
**Oh wow, this is the first time i am hearing that an engagement is not a committement. **I am glad not all guys think like that.
Me too, funny the rubbish some people will come out with to try and justify what this man did.
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
wow....this thread has taken the religious turn in no time..hmmm has anyone wondered why Allah has put so much emphasis on "neeyat" ..???
if a man makes a neeyat to marry the girl, and while holding this commitment he does "moon maring" elsewhere..then he is at fault....it doesnt matter what you call it....mangni, baat pakki...engagement...etc...they are all words describing the very neeyat you hold...and make a mockery of...
strawberry...i truly feel for you.
wow....this thread has taken the religious turn in no time..hmmm has anyone wondered why Allah has put so much emphasis on "neeyat" ..???
if a man makes a neeyat to marry the girl, and while holding this commitment he does "moon maring" elsewhere..then he is at fault....it doesnt matter what you call it....mangni, baat pakki...engagement...etc...they are all words describing the very neeyat you hold...and make a mockery of...
strawberry...i truly feel for you.
*Sorry, I was just answering PakiAmerican's incorrect point about engagement. I've heard a few other people say there's no such thing as 'engagement' or intention to commit prior to marriage in Islam so just wanted to clear it up.
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
^lol..that wasnt directed to you deeba... :) but to the "men" who think mocking a commitment is ok.....how typically supportive of them..
I agree with the fatwa above ( google molvi - zinda baad 
).
My point was that engagement is not a strong commitment as marriage. Now you can keep beating the dead horse, but at the end you will come to and agree with my point.
BTW. You are doing TANQEED BARAYAY TANQEED…
No, never 
^lol..that wasnt directed to you deeba... :) but to the "men" who think mocking a commitment is ok.....how typically supportive of them..
Oh ok lol :)
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
im quite suprise that most of the men here think its ok to talk to other grls like dis while u have a girl who you will marry soon!! i m not saying its not ok to have frends who are grls BUT there is a limit to evberything! so engagment is nothing to u MEN? is it a game like how u play with ur girlfrends. i understand if i was his gf nd there were no families involved but FAMILIES ARE INVOLVED! how can u grantee a MAN liks this whos doing it while we are engaged nd won't do it later on after marriage. right now i can actully say whateva da ef i want to him nd make him stop! but how long will he stop for? will he really stop? and later on i will be STUCK! i wont be able to do **** becuz he'll know i cant do **** nd i m going have to live wit that.
okk so wat i got the pwd outta him ... nd i literally gave him dat one day he wanted so he has his chance of deleting **** which he did but forgot the SENT mails! like i sed before i asked him the pwd when he was at work nd he told he will explain me later why he cant give it to me and kept saying plz try to understand! but i cudnt understand so told him to explain which he denied used work as an excuse. i obviously wanted to show him dat i was upset abt dis so told him to stop talkin to me nd i get an answer saying "ok let me know when u want to talk" wtff?? wudnt dat hurt? 1st ur making suspicious nd dan ur going off like it doesnt mean **** to u!
he didnt even give me the pwd when he got home but gave it to me the next morning when he woke up nd i only think the reason he gave it to me was cuz the text i sent him.. it probly scared him!
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
i would like to knwo from all you MEN out there
is it okay to e-mail grls saying u love them nd tell them that "tum sirif meri ho samjhi"??
is it ok for him to talk to grls from fb nd not tell them abt his enagagment?
is it NORMAL for him to say the same excact words to other grls that he says to me?
if all of this is NORMAL dats hes not wrong but i m WRONG for making this into a big deal!! YEHH UR RIGHT NOT LIKE HE WENT AND HAD SEX WIT THEM..
BUT HOW WUD I KNOW HE NEVER WENT TO DAT LEVEL? JUST CUZ HE LIVES IN PAKI??
i lost faith in guys from AMERICAN becuz i knwo its soo easy to do it here nd plus no1 is virgin here but in PAKISTAN? im losing faith in everything now!!
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
so it means you didnt talk to him... right?
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
ariite lets just say i belive what some of u r saying that he will change after hes married! but can u say for sure he will? after i m married i wunt be able to do **** except to live wit it!
I WUD HAVE ACTULLY THOUGHT ABT HIM CHANGING BUT hes lives in paki right now im pretty sure most of u kno what i m talking abt but when paki guys move to NY they go wild. IM NOT saying all of em do but most do!
so how can i make myself believe that he will change when he will b in more tempting enviorment?
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
i did talk to him today.. give me some time nd i'll let u guys know what he sed!
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
suree annymous5 it will be really helpful since idont have no1 to turn to right now!
pm me since i cant reply right now.
Re: my fiance is cheating on me??
speak to the individual and share exactly how you feel.
there is no need to patch up with half a heart, which is not yours.
there is no space for cheating in a committing relationship.
once happens, clearly desribe, that the cheater is done and act like that too, so that the cheater knows to go waste hiself, fully. save him the guilt trip.
end the relationship totally. let this sleaze go.
Strawberry,
People have different opinions on the issue of passwords. I know some people who are comfortable sharing it. Others, such as myself, don't think it should be a requirement. It's a matter of personal preference, that's what it boils down to. So, let the passwords issue go.
I believe that a MAJORITY of people (men and women) would say that it is WRONG for a guy who is in a committed relationship to send messages like "Tum Sirf Meri Ho" to another girl. To justify such an email is to make excuses for lack of immaturity and fidelity. Not everyone will agree with this....but I think a majority of people will find it wrong. Some might argue that the guy is only engaged and that its no big deal. An engagement is defined as a betrothal, a mutual promise to marry. It's like the first stage to commitment before the real commitment...marriage. And commitments don't entail cheating/infidelity. That is simply common sense.
I will like to say that you are finally making some real progress. I'm very PROUD of you for talking to the guy. Please be strong. Listen to your intuition. You know you're a smart and reasonable girl and I know deep down you have respect for yourself and your family.....so please don't be fooled by any of his sweet talking especially if his excuses make no sense whatsoever.