my fiance is cheating on me??

Lifestyle Relationships
81

Strawberry,

You need to forget about/get over the password issue. What's done is done. In fact, the password is a minor issue in the grand scheme of your problem.

Look, nobody can talk to your fiance for you except you. Why are you marrying the guy if you can't even talk to him? Is it shyness? What is it? You were BRAVE **enough to warn him to stop flirting with the girls............and **NOW **you're saying that you're too afraid** to ask him about some weird emails he sent. Honey, that doesn't make sense. In fact, your behavior is contradictory.

How is your mom acting now? Has she calmed down? How about your dad? Is it easier for you to talk to him? Do you think he will understand the situation better? Do you have an older brother or sister that you can talk to? Can those emails be shown to your dad/brother/sister so that they get some idea about how serious this issue is?

You've only been engaged for 6 months. 6 months is just a small chunk from your life. Imagine being married for the rest of your life **to some guy that you don't even trust! 6 months is **NOTHING compared to that. You still have the chance to talk to your parents and show them the email and cancel this rishta if you are that disturbed by it.

You have to take strong action. Sometimes parents, for fear of reputation, can place pressure on kids to do things that turn out disastrous. That's why you NEED to take action. Acting afraid **and **complaining about things like the password and how he should have known better........is NOT going to solve anything. You have to take action.

Tell me........how is your mom taking all of this now? And tell me about your dad. Is there anyone (brother/sister) you can talk to that will support you?

Although I think it's important to talk to your fiance, I'm afraid that (if he's not sincere) he might sweet talk you into giving him** ANOTHER **chance for the sake of obtaining a green card. And for this very reason.....your parents need to be more supportive of you.

82

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Is this person a relative? Whatever the reasons.. let ur parents know about the situation

83

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

^ She has let her mom know......and mom freaked out and blamed her. I understand her mom's concerns. She doesn't want her daughter's reputation to get ruined by ending this rishta. She's afraid that this will hinder her daughter's chances of getting married again.

And mom's fears are understandable. But it's better to cancel an engagement rather than go through a divorce in the future. She's not going to b the first girl in the world who has canceled an engagement.

Mom needs to weigh her options. What's more important to her? People's wagging tongues or her daughter's life? The two are not even worth comparing.....because people will always gossip and talk till the crack of doom. You can't change that. But parents can help prevent their child from a life of misery.

I hope that her mom calms down and thinks about the issue rationally.

And since the password was given by the guy and contains suspicious emails that are betraying the trust of strawberry and **her family.......then the parents need to **SEE those emails. As the saying goes, "seeing is believing".....and maybe they need proof in order to realize that this is NOT just some lover's quarrel. It's a serious issue!

~~* HAM TERE HAQ ME *DUAA*KERTY HEIN~~*
84

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

^ i just think if one parent is not understanding, maybe she needs to speak to the other parent to make them understand.

and im not saying she should stick with the guy... not at all

85

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

redvevet, i dont anyone older in my family. im the oldest which is making even more harder for me to discuss this wit any1 eles. i told my younger sis and she sed to talk to him first and i will make the courage but at the same time idunt know what to say cuz im afarid he will sweet talk me into giving him another chance. i have given him 3 chances before but they were so small which didnt bothered me much! but this e-mail is ruining me inside. i dont want to ask him in a rude way becuz if i do have to end up staying wit him... he might take advantage of this later on (like after turn it and on me).

i think my mom acted this way becuz from the very beggining i have been telling her da lil things he has done so thats why she thinks its something small like dat again nd is not taking me serisouly yet. i look at her as my frend nd tell her watever i shud but i regret that now!!

im scared that my dad wud say "betaa yeh sub faltoo cheez hai.. focus on ur studies. shaddi ka baat sub theek ho jatay hain" but will he stop this after marriage? especially in USA?

yes i have realized im contradicting myself but thats cuz im not able to decide what i really want? i have lost all the respect i had for him nd i dunt think i can live wit that.. knowing hes done this b4 nd probably will do this again!

86

yeh im waiting to talk to him 1st nd listen what he gota say but either way i will let my dad know! hes my dad's close frends son!

its funny how he thought he cud get away wit by deleting them but forgot to delet his sent mails!

87

Strawberry, you have been given many many good options. What you need to do now is print this thread out, shut the laptop, evaluate the pros and cons of each of those actions, pick one, say bismillah, and go with it.

You know your parents best, you know your fiance best, you know your situation best, you will make the best decision for yourself with the options and the advise that have been given to you.

In the end, whether you want to marry your fiance or not will be YOUR decision. Remember that. "Being afraid" won't solve your problems. Being real and taking action about the situation will.

88

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Strawberry,

If your parents don't think that this is a serious issue, then please show them the emails. When you only talk about it....they think it's a light matter. But if you show them the emails, they will believe that this is something more serious.

MashaAllah, you are such a smart girl. You're smart enough to get help. You're smart enough to know that this guy is shady and that you need to be more careful. A smart girl like u will not and should not be fooled by his sweet words. Tum bevakoof nahin ho!

Why do u say you will be fooled by his sweet-talking? Don't you trust yourself? Don't you know yourself? Don't you have faith in yourself? If you don't trust yourself as a person, then you've got bigger issues than your fiance cheating on you!

Trust yourself. He's not your husband.....yet! He's sitting all the way in Pakistan. Don't b afraid of him. He's not even smart enough to delete his sent e-mails........don't be afraid of guy who is so careless. He's not a monster.....don't be scared of him. He's just a shady, careless, guy who once again made a RETARDED mistake......you can't be afraid of someone like that.

If you act afraid of him and your parents.....and end up marrying him.......you could possibly ruin your life. And after that happens, you're gonna wish you had been more stronger.

I've told u so many times that you ARE a brave, strong, and smart girl. You can face this situation.

I want you to show your parents the email.....so they can see it with their own eyes and understand why you are so worried. Show it to them, Strawberry. Just show them the emails. Before you talk to your fiance.......show your parents the email. Because what if he deletes the email? Then you will have no proof. And your parents won't believe you. You can talk to him later. First, show them the email and listen to what they have to say.

It's important for your parents to see that email.....because this guy is betraying your trust and your parents' trust. Since you have already involved your parents show them the email. People might argue that it's an invasion of his privacy.....but first of all he gave you the password, and worst of all he's betraying you and your family. If your parents are going to be investing sooo much money, time, and energy into this wedding.......they need to see the truth.

You said your mom is like your best friend.......so show it to her.

89

Totally agree. If u can't trust him now how can things work after marriage? Also, something tells me that if had been her who'd sent similar emails to another man the fiance's mother would have told him to call it off.

90

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

omfg! i just read all of this and realized how (sorry to say it so bluntly) stupid people are on gs. how can anyone say that strawberry shouldnt confront this guy?!?! jesus christ! are u guys from some village in india?!? and sorry to say the pw isnt even the issue here. the issue is that shes found emails in her fiances inbox/outbox that may prove that hes cheating on her.

thank you redvelvet for giving her such great advice. and the others who said the opposite bs, should be ashamed of themselves cuz their advice is disgusting and horrific.

my friend went thru a similar situation. she wasnt engaged, she was going out with a guy for 3 yrs, the guy never gave her his email pws. one day, she was over at his place, and the guy went to take a shower and left his aim and msn signed on and was receiving messages from girls. then she went thru his inbox which was also left signed on and saw emails. she confronted him about it and he said that he used to like the girl (they were talking about one girl in particular) but that there is nothing going on anymore. after 3 yrs of lies they finally broke up, somehow my friend got in touch with that girl and found out that at the same time the guy was pursuing my friend, he was trying to hook up with the other girl as well.

im not saying that ur fiance is cheating on you, but u dont wanna let something like this go unnoticed. speak to ur mom and speak to ur fiance. if u feel that hes not being entirely honest/truthful and sincere with u, u need to break the engagement. u said u already gave him a chance before, hope u have heard of this saying,

"fool me once, shame on u. fool me twice, shame on me."

if some guy has been caught trying to talk to other girls twice, i think at this point u should know to break the engagement. obviously he cant be trusted for the rest of ur life. its extremely easy to break an engagement compared to a divorce after wedding. good luck!

Timepass- December 2012
91

EXCELLENT POINT, Deeba.

Strawberry,

If your FIANCE'S PARENTS found out that YOU were cheating on him........trust me...they would CANCEL the shadi! If your FIANCE found out that YOU were cheating on him......trust me....he would tell his parents to CANCEL the rishta.....unless he's desperate for the green card!

So, why are you doing him special favors by giving him so many chances? Stop doing that! Girl, where is your IZZAT? Where is your SELF-RESPECT? ** Don't you respect yourself as a woman?** Would you want your younger sister to marry a guy who is cheating on her? NO! You wouldnt!

So.....you print out those emails and you SHOW them to your parents so they can actually SEE with their own eyes why you have lost respect for this guy!

92

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

^lol love how u say it.

93

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

GO RV, GO RV, GO!

94

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

^ LOL, stop you guys. I think we should all be chanting "show those emails. show those emails. show those emails."

Teach Me Urdu
95

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

^LOL

96

But it's much easier to do the cabbage patch to "GO RV, GO RV, GO"!!!!

97

Ira I understand where you are coming from. Like I said before, your case was an extreme, one has to be an absolute chit head to go hunting once in a relationship. The guy obviously lost interest in you and the relationship, and I am sure he was hanging on to it just as an obligation. Thats unfortunate, he should have thought about it before agreeing to it. This does not hold true in all cases. But yes, you have been bitten once, you are more cautious in your decisions - which is a good thing. But dont let this negativity bias your judgment.

Here I was talking about the meaningless little flings that both guys and girls have. Thats a luggage that many of us carry, and ideally drop it as soon as you are in a serious relationship - mostly people get rid of all old contacts when they are getting married.

PS: All those getting bent out of shape over personal space issues - you are a minority and most probably a nag. Things are shared after marriage but everybody needs their space, that should be respected.

98

I Agree with Janwar.
This is a clear sign of insecurity. You have no right to invade his privacy. engagement is not a commitment like marriage and has no religious significance. Plus from what I read, he is not cheating, he is just being a man....a semi lucky semi single man...

99

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

OK i understand that maybe our GS friend might be a little insecure. BUT that doesnt change that her fiancé is cheating on her. Instead of helping her, he is giving her more reasons to be insecure.

an engaged man is NOT single.

100

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

hey
rabia can help you get over the guy, she is good at it!!