my fiance is cheating on me??

Lifestyle Relationships
41

What he did is wrong no matter which way you try to spin it. Its as simple as that.

42

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

I don't think issue here is the password-- yeah, yeah it was wrong of her to demand the password- but what is done is done! No point in beating a dead horse...

I think the issue at hand NOW IS is that she found him flirting with other girls. Regardless of how she found out, that is what she knows, and she want to know what she should do. I think you should consult your parents, and reevaluate- together with your parents- if you really want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Timepass- December 2012
43

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

you have already been through such a situation and he promised you that he wont do it again and you already had a "talk" with him then if i were you i would definitely involve my parents.

I didnt involve my parents because it was the first time and he gave me the password with in the beginning of our marriage with out me asking him.... being his wife and sometimes out of bordem i would check his mails.... not that i was looking for some clues of him cheating on me..... jst when i miss him i would go through his mails that he sent me and the mails i sent him in his account and jst read 'em over.....

and thats how i found out couple of mails in his junk mail and that made me curious and i tried checking his other accounts which happen to have the same password (he didnt tell me the password for that account) well i confronted him......

i couldnt involve my parents due to some problems in the family beside after marriage i believe the less your family get involve in the issues the better.... BUT you are only engaged and you are still in your parents' house and you still have a chance.

Talk to your elder sis if you have any discuss it with her or if you have any elder brother talk to him and explain to him the whole situation and tell him abt the past time you and he had a "talk".... and then listen to what he or she has to say.... then talk to your parents....

You can confront him but dont do the mistake i did..... ask him first if he has time and what he is doing and where is he at...... cuz u dont wana give him time and come up of an excuze

Do consider yourself very lucky that you found out before you got married to him.....

and dont worry ...... there are many lovely people who are definitely gona give you some good advices (ofcourse there are some who have no such exp and they would give you stupid advices and i am sure you are smart enough and old enough to judge that).... i have always found RedVelvet, PS (bonbonniere) and Somehowcollide's comments/suggestions very helpful and they always talked senseable...... i am sure there are many more people who give gud suggestion maybe i just never had enough time two get to know them.....

44

Iam not trying to spin anything here, they are not married yet, so if she feels that he is not her type, then she should not go to next level and should find someone who actually is her type... this approach will keep everyone happy...otherwise, who knows where the things might lead..

45

There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender from high school, college, the workplace. To force someone to give up their friendships is not right, in my opinion.

I do however feel that an **engaged **guy should **NOT **be sending intimate/romantic e-mails to another girl. That's wrong! I don't think a guy would like it if the girl he is engaged to is sending intimate e-mails to a guy....that is NOT him. In this scenario, even a guy would be upset.

Flirt all you want before getting engaged. Flirt till you're frickin blue in the face. Flirt with every single woman you see in public and out there in cyberspace. BUT once you enter into a COMMITTED relationship with someone.....it's common sense....that this behavior needs to be controlled. An engagement means that you're soon going to get married. It's a commitment. If a guy feels that he's not ready to spend his life with just one woman........and if he feels that he can't get enough of sending romantic emails to other women (who are not his fiance).....then he needs to REASSESS his commitment with this girl.....and break it off with her.

If you're not ready to commit to someone........then the best thing is to break the engagement off. Once you've broken it........then BY ALL MEANS.......flirt your fancy pants off with whomever you want.......cuz even society won't frown upon you then........because you're not in a commitment. But it's wrong to place a ring on a woman's finger with the intention to marry her......and at the same time send romantic emails to another girl!

We all have a built-in sense of what is right and what is wrong.......and it isn't ROCKET SCIENCE to figure out that there is something wrong about this situation. A commitment is a committment. If you want to be with other women....be honest and break off the engagement.....and you're free to flirt as shamelessly as u want. That's how I see it.

Strawberry didn't HACK into her fiance's account. Her fiance was not obligated to give her the password. BUT he gave it to her anyways......and forgot to sift through his SENT EMAILS and delete inappropriate emails. He got caught. Everything happens for a reason. He gave the password, he allowed her access to his account and emails, he KNEW she could see those emails.........and his recently sent romantic emails have been discovered.

^If a **guy **were to DISCOVER romantic emails AFTER his fiance gave him her password..........I'm sure he'd be hurt as well. So why should it be any different for a girl being upset in the same scenario? That's kind of like double standards. Such behavior decreases the VALUE of a commitment and makes it seem like a joke rather than something serious which should be honored.

I personally would not feel comfortable about giving someone my password. And I don't think I would want my fiance/husband's password either. Although I know that some couples are okay with giving passwords. It's a matter of preference. My dad has allowed my mom and his kids access to his e-mail account password.

The issue is NOT about whether a password should be given or not. The guy gave it himself. The ISSUE is that suspcious emails have been discovered after he gave the password and these emails were sent during the engagement. I think any person regardless of gender and race has the right to be upset in this situation.

And keep in mind that Strawberry knows that it takes time to get used to the idea of a commitment and to say goodbye to the freedom of singledom. That is why she kept giving this guy another chance after noticing that he was persistently flirtatious with other women. She gave him another chance. She didn't have to. And with the emails, he's in a doubtful situation.

Strawberry, sort this out with your fiacne and parents. This relationship seems to have several issues. If I were you, it's best to drop this mess and wait to marry another **guy........a guy who will be on the same page as you and **KNOWS how to honor a commitment. Don't settle for anything less.

This could all be a blessing in disguise. Be grateful that you discovered this before marrying him.

46

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I want to band my head against a wall until it's red.

47

srry i cant reply ur PM cuz i dun have enough post but i will wen i do have em!

am i making this into a big deal!?? i feel horrible for checking it and finding it out.. if i do talk to him he will think "i shud have never gave it to u". i dont any1 to look down upon him even if im not wit him. i never thought he wud be like dis.. am i being very "skacky (suspicious)" girl?

belive me one side of me tells me to let it go.. every guyy does dis and i probably wunt find any1 better than him?

iduno if i shud make myself belive this and get hurt later on when im actully married nd impossible for me to get out.

i made a mistake telling my mom nd she went all crazy telling me dat i am a bad person for trying find out abt all of this nd wants to tell my dad but im not ready yet.. i need to talk to him first but it scares me of what he will say..?

48

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

arghhhh whats this talk of the guy not being her type?? since when are cheating guys anyone's type??

49

Strawberry it really doesn't matter how you found out. Seriously. That is a minor issue that can be discussed in another thread at another time. What you need to do now is make a decision, based on what YOU KNOW about him NOW, regardless of how you found out! Do you really want to live with a womanizer? In the end the decision is yours, not you parents. YOU are going to be living with him, NOT your parents.

And no, every guy does not do that! Only guys who cheat/flirt say that. Like in every thing else...liars think everyone lies, cheaters think everyone cheat, and so on.

Timepass- December 2012
50

jackie kennedy, hilary clinton, hugh hefner's gfs....to name a few. however, Most women, rightly, do not tolerate it.

51

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Don't stereotype all guys like that. Temptation in the form of pretty girls is everywhere.....but some guys have better control of themselves and honor the commitment they made to their fiance/wives.

I'm surprised by your mom's reaction. It seems she's more mad at you and I don't agree with that. If my mom blamed me, I'd be upset. It's difficult for me to imagine that parents would still push their daughter into marriage after she tells them about a guy's romantic emails sent to another girl. It's hurtful to think that the guy and family reputation are taking precedence over your OWN child. That's sooo messed up. There is no way to justify that. I hope that your mom will calm down and think more rationally. Instead of blaming you and freaking out, your mom should be grateful to Allah that your family has been made aware about the seriousness of the situation.

I'm hoping your dad will treat the situation more carefully. In the end, it is YOUR decision (not your parents) whether u should marry a shady guy or not. I hope you and your parents have the strength to do what's right.

52

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Some emails sent to some girls by a guy who is not married, and she is throwing tantrums about him cheating on her! Like I said earlier, it takes time to get into the mindset. He is most likely just carrying the luggage from old times. Things change when you get married, people mature (well, ideally).

If that doesnt ring a bell, then please refer to Hanibal’s posts. The guy has said it just right!

redvelvet: some day I will try to read some of your posts, or perhaps compile them into a book :hehe: good stuff.

53

Thank you :hugz:

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Thanks Jaanwar. I’m flattered. But I don’t think it’s that good, lol:) And especially not for a book.

55

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

I think **redvelvet's **advice has been spot on throughout this entire thread. There is not much that she missed.

I am assuming those emails are sent by him, and by what you have said about him, it seems quite likely. I don't think he is ready for marriage. It seems like he is still playing the field. He will probably grow out of it, but right now he sounds quite immature.

Don't feel bad about knowing his password. Every couple has their own arrangements. I know my fiance's SSN, we share a joint bank account, I have his credit card in my name, naturally I know his password. Once you get married, such things become a necessity. But when I go on to his account, I don't snoop around. I don't have the impetus to.

The bottom line is trust. You don't trust him. And if you stay together after this situation, it will be even harder to rebuild that trust. That is not the kind of relationship you want to be in. You will always wonder if he is being faithful. Living with that paranoia is draining.

I am also surprised that your mother was not more supportive. Try speaking to her again in a day or two. Make sure you are calm and rational, she is more likely to take you seriously. No mother wants her daughter's rishta broken, but no mother wants her daughter to be unhappy in her marriage either. I have a feeling she thinks you two are just children and this is some sort of a lover's quibble; childish behavior. So make sure you come to her as a woman and explain the real reprecussions of your fiance's professions of love to another woman.

One final question for you, all this aside, how happy are you in this relationship?

56

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

^ That's a very good question, Collide. Nobody has brought that up yet. *" One final question for you, all this aside, how happy are you in this relationship?" *

We're not always aware about our own lack of happiness/contentment. And if we're trying to** settle** for situations (that are not that great), we can actually fool ourselves into thinking we're happy. And that's not the same thing as being truly happy and at peace.

57

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

Sadly...our mothers and fathers are sometimes the last people to understand how hard the relationship is becoming. Your mother is thinking of your status as a girl with a broken engagement, who will marry you now, the badnami in the khandan, the reactions, rumors and your prospects of finding another man scared her into reacting the way she did. Its okay...somewhere in that reaction...there really is love. Trust me.

Now, the meshing of personal things like Collide mentioned is natural...very natural. I dont think there is anything wrong with having passwords to email accounts but it has never occured to me to ask him for his.

My observation is simply this: you dont trust him, you already mentioned it might be a greencard thing, you've caught him doing this before and most importantly he seems to have an excuse ready for everything.

Why do you care about a guy who is so careless about your feelings? Do you think it will get better once you marry him?

Last person to post in this thread wins!
58

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

just a question.... even if he did/didnt give you the password, how do you know or how can you tell its the only one? i understand what youre going thru, trusting isnt easy.....but try doing Istikarah, ask Allah for guidance..because we can never tell whats real or not. even if he wouldve given you the password and there was nothing in that particular email, how can one tell if there isnt another? Marriage is a huge step, and pointless without trust.

59

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

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60

Re: my fiance is cheating on me??

why are ppl talking abt the "password sharing," thats not the issue here. Some ppl think its OK to share and some dont. The real problem is what strawberry needs to do now.

i think u need to ask him abt the emails...u have knw him for 6 month (maybe longer) so u should be comfortable enough to talk to him abt this. you are going to iA spent your whole life with this guy so yes its important that you find out if he has been talking to other girls. Talk to him and let him explain everything to you.