My experience with a divorced lady.

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

Much much better…and certainly more applicable. :k:

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

When I first started reading EDAL’s original post, I started to agree with it. I know of divorced girls who were screwed over in their marriages and I also know of girls who are to be blamed for their divorce. So I know that there are 2 sides to a story. I know that there are some psycho girls out there. A guy is not always to be blamed for a divorce. A guy can be mentally/physically abused by a girl and there are plenty of girls who lack common sense and social skills.

I also know of DIVORCED girls who were remarried to VIRGIN guys and are completely HAPPY in their marriage. The guy did not give the excuse, “I’m marrying her because I feel sorry for her and it’s sunnah.” It’s almost like “sunnah” is being used as an excuse to cover up the failure of the marriage… when in reality, the guy was head over heels in love with the girl and didn’t do a proper background check.

I get that you wanted a pure girl. But I would also like to tell you that the “act” is very emotional for girls. A girl will compare herself in her mind to the ex-wife of the present husband.

I agree with Lahori. I don’t know what college you went to… but I went to a college that is in the top 10 list for pretty girls and partying (I’m not going to say which college, but most likely my school trumps yours). And I know of LOTS of good guys who went to school with me and kept their pants on. So don’t use the college you went to as an excuse for your sexual history. You had no self-control. Whereas your ex-wife, who probably was a horrible person, at least had more self-control by losing her virginity to her first husband.

So where do the divorced girls go? To a shelter? “More experienced men”… like you’re not experienced enough :rolleyes: Experienced men like you want only pure girls… you really think a slightly older guy won’t want the same?

Also… being “liberal” and coming from an “open-minded” family… did your dad not talk to you about this virginity issue when you married your first wife? I would think he would have taken you aside and talked to you about it.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

hmm...cant wait to read your posts when your "19 yr od gem of a wife/treasure who was never allowed to use facebook or hotmail" finally gets a GED or a highschool diploma and starts attending the same party school u went to with guys who have "slicker hair, nicer cars", and hopefully more brains than you did. lol. good luck raising ur wife. plz make sure u have a child lock on your cable so she doesnt die of a heartattack after watching a jersey shore episode :)

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

If this guy is a troll, he’s done one hell of a job!!! Kudos to him for accomplishing that purpose (if it was trolling). :k:

Now if he’s not a troll…yikes. That is really sad…and I hope that something in his conscience is pricking him enough to feel absurd about his notions.

Now that he’s happily married…I wonder why he created a thread about his ex. I even saw a thread in the Poetry forum titled “Poem About My Ex” created by the OP. Why? She was the past, let her stay there. Unless he still has some emotional hang-ups/frustrations about that previous relationship that haven’t received any closure. Even if the poems were meant to deride her…why even bother if you’re already settled and content? :rolleyes:

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

pkgrl000 :hehe:

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

This forum is just full of liberal feminist Pakistani chicks LOL, sorry I hate feminists. But the guys know what i'm talking about. Maybe some of you ladies have "slept around" and are now mad when you realize that our society doesn't look to kindly on that?? and your mad at the double standards which you know will always be there HMMMMMMMM? LOL sorry. Just saying.

Not a debate, it just is what it is man. I did nothing wrong to that divorced chick, I tried to help her out and went through hell for it. Lost a lot of money, heard so much bs from people, but still went ahead with it anyway.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

This all happened as I said in 2009, so its still on my mind. My ex contacted me 3 days ago and was begging me to take her back, “Ahmed Im sorry im sorry etc.. etcc”" I told her I was remarried and to never call me again, she even said she’ll live as a 2nd wife. Not that I would consider that, but my imam here told me its not possible, since I wrote Talaq 3 times on a paper.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

Why is everyone picking on my poor wife? You think I would marry again without doing in depth research, and CIA style background security check? LOL, actually the best families to often go for marriage are those you have known for years and trust. Where you have seen how they raise and treat their daughters.

Is it so hard to believe there are smart pretty college educated Muslim American girls who guard their chastity and purity. I can tell you there are many such sisters , and I always had so much respect for them. They would never give any boy the time of day, shun shameful music/movies, wear hijab, and are also educated. Now that is a wife, that is a mother. In fact, there are some amazingly strong Muslim families in America. Esp in Texas. My wife comes from a very educated family. However her father is an imam/sheikh type of guy. Since he had all daughters he was very very strict, making them observe purdah and stuff.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

dude I honestly hope this is all fiction and you're just a troll. otherwise I feel bad for your first wife and your second wife for having to put up with such a juvenile, immature, hypocritical man-child.

and why are you so hung on "sisters" guarding their chastity, etc and shunning the oh so evil films, music, etc when you yourself were running around humping anything that moved?

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

Uh…that kinda sounds like a contradiction in the same sentence. You said that you wouldn’t consider remarrying here. AND THEN…you say that the imam told you it’s not possible. So, if you DID ask the imam about it…then that means you considered remarriage to her. :rolleyes:

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

EDAL, just to let you know... samb is a guy. So your "the guys know what I'm talking about" just went down the toilet.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

No, when I sent her the Talaq I took the paper to my mosque to get it signed by 2 Muslims. I was told by imam that majority of schools would consider this irrevocable divorce, he just wanted me to know this. So that’s what I meant.

Plus my current wife would never ever allow me, she’d shoot me, and If I was going to get a 2nd wife hypothetically speaking - I wouldn’t get my ex.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

Uh just out of curiosity here...........IF (hypothetically speaking) you did decide to get a 2nd wife.....let's say when you're old and bald and bulging.......would she still have to be a teenaged virgin?

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

I don't know if you have this tradition: but when you make your bed, you keep it.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

what does that saying mean? what do you mean "keep it"

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

:rotfl:

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

What makes you think, GED is whats holding his wife from partying? or going after other guys?
Could someone tell me why women are pissed off at him? is it b/c he marriaged a virgin? is it b/c he gave divorced to his 1st wife?? Is it b/c he had relations with other girls while his new wife didn’t? ****
i have not read all 7 pages.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.

Lahori Pai.......tum ne achi tarha se thread para hota.....to phir you wouldn't have a defensive tone to your questions.

The reason why people are turned off here is because Edal believes that a wife SHOULD be a virgin.......but that it doesn't matter much if the husband isn't. He used the justification that even western culture looks down on women who have been around the block. If a wife "SHOULD" be a virgin........shouldn't a guy be a virgin as well? He says that it's painful for a guy to imagine his wife sleeping with another man before him............but doesn't seem to realize that a wife might also feel hurt that he's slept with another woman before her. Islam prohibits zina for BOTH men and women. We're going to be judged by Allah's rules.....and not by western or desi society's double standards. He thinks that a virgin woman equals a good woman. He thinks that his first wife was of bad character because she wasn't a virgin and she was divorced.......and that life is better for him now that he married an innocent and clueless virgin. These are generalizations. A virgin girl can make a horrible wife. And a divorced woman can make a good wife.

For a guy to think "Oh...I was with several women before my wife...but that was my past and I was living in the West, the land of the devil................But biwi MUST be a virgin".......Khud ko maaf karna....lekin to not have that same tolerance for a woman.......well that's double standards. Also, it's not only the women who are turned off........a few men here also think his notions are absurd.

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Re: My experience with a divorced lady.


What I am saying is for a husband it is far far more painful than it is for a wife. Men and women are different in their perceptions, sexuality, and how they react on an emotional level to sex etc.. For example for a girl loosing her virginity is a big emotional event, something she will always remember!! Ask any girl, they never forget their first, ever. For men its not like that, a typical 14 yr old boy would love nothing than to bang his 16 yr old baby sitters brains out, this is how men are. If he did that he would be a hero amongst his peers, for girls its not like that. Men think of women as conquests, something to conquer.

Women do not think like that.

1)Yes zina is wrong and haram, no one should do it, but if my son did it with a girl - I would be mad but not care too much. If my daughter did it I would die of shame.

Its just diff, like remember that 14 yr old in FLorida who banged his hot 28 yr old teacher , and she was sent to jail. Every guy was like what a little lucky *******.

2) It will always be more painful for a guy, because no man wants to think his wife was "conquered by another man"

[QUOTE]
He thinks that his first wife was of bad character because she wasn't a virgin and she was divorced.......and that life is better for him now that he married an innocent and clueless virgin. These are generalizations. A virgin girl can make a horrible wife. And a divorced woman can make a good wife.
[/QUOTE]
No not at all, she was of bad character because she was "batameez", cursed my relatives, and wanted me all to herself. She use to tell me "Thum sab admee this and Thum sab admee that". Her going through one divorce made her bitter and carry emotional baggage,. Men don't carry emotional baggage like women do.

[QUOTE]
For a guy to think "Oh...I was with several women before my wife...but that was my past and I was living in the West, the land of the devil................But biwi MUST be a virgin".......well that's double standards.
[/QUOTE]
It is, but I am telling you - well not you, but to the men.

Get a pak saf or naik biwi, larki hamesha yaad rakthi hain, she will always have some kind of emotional attachment to the man who deflowered her, unless you are a very experienced older guy, you won't be able to handle it or her.

Anyway this argument is moot, because even though some men marry divorced girls, lets admit it. Usually a guy from a good family whose mom or khala or sisters or phupoo is looking for his rishta, will never approach a divorced girl, Pakistanis are very shrewd and cleaver.

I mean in Pakistan I know of good pretty educated girls, in their late 20's/early 30's who can't even find a husband, so many just sitting there waiting, can't find a guy, their fathers crying. That's why people were so pissed at my family there when they found out I was marrying a divorced girl, they were like "whats wrong with our daughters" .

Even in the West getting a good guy is hard, a good decent guy who will treat her nice and not cheat on her. Its tough man, ask those with daughters.

Larko ke kami hain, not larki kami. Sorry my urdu sucks but you get it.