Ok basically a lot of people tend to have this viewpoint that “ohhh the poor divorced girl, her husband must have been such a *******, ohh bichari etc…” and I agree, a lot of women do come from that sort of situation. No doubt. However lets not pretend there aren’t 2 sides to every story. Lets not risk holding double standards for men, in terms of blaming them constantly.
What happened with me was that I married this divorced Kashmiri girl who had immigrated here via her ex husband (and gotten divorced in 4 months). I married her because I was trying to follow the example of the prophet, and I thought I would be doing a good deed. Also she use to tell me how her husband was abusive, both mentally and physically, he was cheap, ugly, big belly etc.. and naturally I felt sorry for her. She was 25 , I was 24.
Bad IDEA!!! Soon as I did the nikah with her, oh my god did this girl change!!! I was so freaking shocked by her behavior. First thing she did was she started to put down my relatives. Even though my family is small (just 3 ppl) very educated liberal minded and never interfere with their kids.
They would never say anything to her but just be quiet and smile. My parents are very soft spoken. She wanted me to move far away from them, she told me she’d never visit them etc…SO I moved out into a condo.
I use to spend so much money on her, she’d never be grateful. Always saying, “my ex in laws filled my hands with gold” and “you should put some house in my name” (referring to some rental properties I own jointly with my parents). The whole time I was so shocked because the girl I knew before was soft spoken and kind, yet there was some beast before me now. Like a mask that had fallen off. So nashukri
Eventually she took some money from me and went off to Pakistan to visit her relatives (all expenses paid by me of course). There she started making more demands, and creating more drama. I sent her 3 divorces and was done with it. All lasted 8 months.
Anyway to put a long story shot, I did some investigation on her, and found out that her ex was some nice nerdy guy. She was the one who abused him mentally and he was forced to divorce her.
My point is guys, I know some of you want to be nice and do a good thing, but please always do your research. Find out why the girl got divorced. There must have been a reason. Don’t be “jizbati” and listen to your elders. When my relatives in Pakistan heard about this, they all advised me NOT to marry a divorced girl, however I didn’t listen to anyone. Even my parents here were hesitant, but still supportive.
Also, this is something I didn’t know before, but now I know why men want virgin brides. When you love a girl so much that you want her to be the mother of your kids, the thought of another man touching her and having intercourse with her is VERY PAINFUL!!!
So consider that also. Don’t put yourself through that mental torture. I thought I could handle that, but its too painful. I use to keep that to myself though, but the mental anguish was always there.
