Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
Scary scary scary . . . how can you ever trust someone . . .
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
^ You can't...you just have to take a chance...
feeling a song coming on
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
^ and what if you hit rock bottom 
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
^ then you dust off and get right back up * feels like another songs coming on *
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
Oh now please post the song already . . . I been waiting 
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
nj 
i was going to say “dust yourself off and try again”…
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
LOL, that's why i made an early exit .. Now i feel duped. :(
lol I don't think anyone expected it
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
Wow, I didn't expect so many replies nor such a harsh reaction, ouch! I've been called a troll, fake story etc...(who has that much time).
I don't care if anyone believes me or not but my story is true, why would I make it up? I wanted to just vent and get this off my chest, that is why I posted it here. As this all happened last year, so it hasn't been that long. I'll never forget 2009.
Couple of points, I loved that girl so much, like its not even funny, I had never felt that for a girl before, ever. Sending her that Talaq, Talaq, Talaq, was one of the most painful things I did. However, when a girl is cursing your family for no reason, telling you not to meet this relative or that relative, what can you do? She was so possessive over me, wanted me all to herself. I mean a man can only take so much. Plus I can't tolerate anyone saying anything to my parents. Even my current wife , I told her that is a line you never cross.
Also another thing, anytime we would have a small husband wife argument or whatever she'd always say "Tum sab admee this or that" with a divorced lady you always get the constant comparisons etc..who wants that?
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
Finally, look I know I made some mistakes in the past in terms of having sexual relations with Western females outside of marriage. I admit it was wrong. I have made tons and tons of tauba over it.
However, lets be honest here do not the vast majority of young Muslim men in the U.S or Canada also do this? I mean most of my friends were either Lebanese, or Irani/Afghan, and their all doing this. But all of them want and get virgin wives from back home. Especially if you go of to college, its almost a right of passage.
Now before my whole experience I use to look down on them as having double standards. I use to ridicule them over this. I use to say smugly "I am open minded blah blah blah " All turned out to be BS.
Yet when I was put in that position myself, what I learned was they were right, and I was wrong. You see it goes back to our man brains, no matter how much feminists hate it, or how liberal we are, we can't change our DNA. In the depths of the male mind he views his wife as his territory, for him to know that another man experienced that territory is TORTURE!!
You see, women will say" you also had gf's and had sex etc." Yes but you can't claim that in terms of sexuality, perceptions, and relationships men and women are equal.
Men can have 4 wives in Islam, and some women do tolerate that. I don't know a single guy who will share his wife with 4 men, hence its not allowed in Islam.
Women are things of beauty and pleasure, even other women will appreciate a pretty girl. Men are nasty and gross. That's why women will never experience the torture we do knowing you have been penetrated.
Also, and I hate to do this, but lets admit it. During the great "act" women are the ones who "take it", I mean you know what I mean, they get used for the mans carnal pleasure. All women I have been with totally love it when you just pick them up have your way with them, they love that.
Knowing that another man has "had his way" with your wife is very very hurtful. However I loved her enough to accept that, I NEVER BROUGHT THIS UP. It would only come to my mind in the dark hours of the night as she lay next to me, and it def hurt. However I kept it to myself. This was NOT the reason for divorce.
I was only posting this to some other smug liberal guy like me who thinks he is more "modern" and can handle it, think twice.
But I didn't expect to see this harsh kind of reaction, I thought it being a Pakistani forum , people would understand.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
However, lets be honest here do not the vast majority of young Muslim men in the U.S or Canada also do this? I mean most of my friends were either Lebanese, or Irani/Afghan, and their all doing this. But all of them want and get virgin wives from back home. Especially if you go of to college, its almost a right of passage.
I don't have a percentage for you, but the guys I know definitely have more self-control and don't make such excuses. It is not a rite of passage.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
That's where you got it wrong. Women or girls are not THINGS. WE are human beings. Beautiful creations of Allah. Not some inanimate object to be manhandled by people/men.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
That's a really scary story.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
Women are things of beauty and pleasure, even other women will appreciate a pretty girl. Men are nasty and gross. That's why women will never experience the torture we do knowing you have been penetrated.
Just love how you can make a filthy derogatory insult sound like a compliment.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
OK now I see what the problem is, I am getting all replies from women. Listen, I appreciate your input, but I would like some men to respond.
you will always just side with the girl.
So many people without knowing anything, are already taking the side of my ex. LOL, you people have no idea the depths I went to care for her. Think about it, she got divorced 2 bloody times? Are both guys wrong? And now in Pakistan, **you don't even want to know what she is going through, toba toba. Her own brother apologized to me!!!! **It pains me because some part of me still cares for her, but I know it was her own doing. No one to blame but herself.
She was Nashukri, plain and simple. She treated her first husband like crap, and then she got a 2nd husband who spent money on her cared for her , did everything a loving husband does, and still she was nashukri,** not to me but to ALLAH, cause Allah was providing her all those things, not me*. Allah knows what was in my heart for her, so I have no reason to feel guilty. **I feel so sorry for her*
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
I don't have a percentage for you, but the guys I know definitely have more self-control and don't make such excuses. It is not a rite of passage.
Well good for them, i'm just saying if you go off to live in college, esp a crazy college with a reputation for crazy party girls, its very very very tough. Wrong but tough.
But that was in my past, I found Islam now, and married a beautiful virgin girl from a very strict Islamic family well known to us, and I thank God every day. Yes my wife is young and naive, and I love that, her innocence is so beautiful. Her father kept her like guarded treasure. She was not even allowed to use facebook or hotmail. *I just wish I had done that before and not gone through all that bs.
*
I
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
I really don't like you. Later EDAL.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
OK now I see what the problem is, I am getting all replies from women. Listen, I appreciate your input, but I would like some men to respond. you will always just side with the girl.
So many people without knowing anything, are already taking the side of my ex. LOL, you people have no idea the depths I went to care for her. Think about it, she got divorced 2 bloody times? Are both guys wrong? And now in Pakistan, **you don't even want to know what she is going through, toba toba. Her own brother apologized to me!!!! **It pains me because some part of me still cares for her, but I know it was her own doing. No one to blame but herself.
She was Nashukri, plain and simple. She treated her first husband like crap, and then she got a 2nd husband who spent money on her cared for her , did everything a loving husband does, and still she was nashukri,** not to me but to ALLAH, cause Allah was providing her all those things, not me*. Allah knows what was in my heart for her, so I have no reason to feel guilty. **I feel so sorry for her*
Hey, maybe you just got a fruit of your labor. Maybe Allah(swt) was rewarding you for all those white chicks you banged.
Alhamdulillah its great that you decided to follow the sunnah of the Prophet(pbuh) but it does seem like you decided to change your ideology just in time of you getting married.
And no bro, having sex just because you live in the West is not a rite of passage. If you had self control and the fear of God you would not be needing to make excuses right now for your actions.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
^ yeah thanks, I know what you mean. But man I could have also just banged this divorced girl and said "see you later". But I didn't since she was Muslim, I said no, let me give her the respect and honor of nikah. I mean I should get credit for that. I went against my whole family, and took her to a mosque and did nikah with her. Gave her triple the mehar that she got before, and paid it all to her. I never wanted to let her feel any less since she was "divorced". Even she would constantly say "Oh Ahmed, I am divorced and not a virgin, please don't mind blah blah".
However, I just have to tell every other guy out there. Don't do it, why bother if you can easily get a nice pure girl? Let the older more experienced men handle the divorced ladies.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
^ yeah thanks, I know what you mean. But man I could have also just banged this divorced girl and said "see you later". But I didn't since she was Muslim, I said no, let me give her the respect and honor of nikah. I mean I should get credit for that. I went against my whole family, and took her to a mosque and did nikah with her. Gave her triple the mehar that she got before, and paid it all to her. I never wanted to let her feel any less since she was "divorced". Even she would constantly say "Oh Ahmed, I am divorced and not a virgin, please don't mind blah blah".
However, I just have to tell every other guy out there. Don't do it, why bother if you can easily get a nice pure girl? Let the older more experienced men handle the divorced ladies.
Bro, this is where you are getting it wrong.
Your ex-wife was a horrible wife NOT because she was divorced but because she was a bad person. Her being divorced has NOTHING to do with how she acted with you.
Our Prophet(pbuh) has said that there is nothing wrong with marrying a divorced woman and even said we would be rewarded - so how can you even suggest let alone advice men to not marry divorced women? I know a few guys who have married divorced women and Mashallah they are living a happy life - but what they did was take their time and think it through and made sure the girl is legit.
YOU did not research her background before marrying her. YOU got caught in her sweettalk. I'm sorry, but you got infatuated and rushed into things. If you had done validated her story before marrying her - maybe have gotten your parents involved and had them meet her parents, this wouldn't have happened to you.
Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
OK now I see what the problem is, I am getting all replies from women. Listen, I appreciate your input, but I would like some men to respond. you will always just side with the girl.
So many people without knowing anything, are already taking the side of my ex. LOL, you people have no idea the depths I went to care for her. Think about it, she got divorced 2 bloody times? Are both guys wrong? And now in Pakistan, **you don't even want to know what she is going through, toba toba. Her own brother apologized to me!!!! **It pains me because some part of me still cares for her, but I know it was her own doing. No one to blame but herself.
She was Nashukri, plain and simple. She treated her first husband like crap, and then she got a 2nd husband who spent money on her cared for her , did everything a loving husband does, and still she was nashukri,** not to me but to ALLAH, cause Allah was providing her all those things, not me*. Allah knows what was in my heart for her, so I have no reason to feel guilty. **I feel so sorry for her*
I'm not siding with your first wife. From what you've described, she sounds pretty horrible. But the way you went about getting married was nit wise and your attitude toward women is disturbing at best.