Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
Ok basically a lot of people tend to have this viewpoint that "ohhh the poor divorced girl, her husband must have been such a *******, ohh bichari etc..." and I agree, a lot of women do come from that sort of situation. No doubt. However lets not pretend there aren't 2 sides to every story. Lets not risk holding double standards for men, in terms of blaming them constantly.
What happened with me was that I married this divorced Kashmiri girl who had immigrated here via her ex husband (and gotten divorced in 4 months). I married her because I was trying to follow the example of the prophet, and I thought I would be doing a good deed. Also she use to tell me how her husband was abusive, both mentally and physically, he was cheap, ugly, big belly etc.. and naturally I felt sorry for her. She was 25 , I was 24.
Like many people have said here you don't get married to do charity. It's a life long decision and shaadi kareky app apnay spouse par koi ehsaan nahi kartay. How did you meet her ? was the rishta arranged by your family ?
Bad IDEA!!!! Soon as I did the nikah with her, oh my god did this girl change!!! I was so freaking shocked by her behavior. First thing she did was she started to put down my relatives. Even though my family is small (just 3 ppl) very educated liberal minded and never interfere with their kids.
If what you say is true ? but like yourself said there are 2 sides of story. It was girl's mistake to not adjust with your family esp if they were thattt nice like you are mentioning. Plus, like you had the TALAQ ka haq that you used she had the right to separate accommodation. It was not a bad deed or gunnah on her part. Yeh haq bhi auraat ko usi Allah nay diya hai jis nay app jaisay mardo ko talaaq ka haq diya hai.
They would never say anything to her but just be quiet and smile. My parents are very soft spoken. She wanted me to move far away from them, she told me she'd never visit them etc...SO I moved out into a condo.
I use to spend so much money on her, she'd never be grateful. Always saying, "my ex in laws filled my hands with gold" and "you should put some house in my name" (referring to some rental properties I own jointly with my parents). The whole time I was so shocked because the girl I knew before was soft spoken and kind, yet there was some beast before me now. Like a mask that had fallen off. So nashukri
So you did an ehsaan on her by spending money on her ? wasn't that her right as your nikahfied wife ? She was nashukri.....kiya kart sajda karti kiya apko ?
Eventually she took some money from me and went off to Pakistan to visit her relatives (all expenses paid by me of course). There she started making more demands, and creating more drama. I sent her 3 divorces and was done with it. All lasted 8 months.
It has all been about money " I spent so much on her " . " she took money from me " .
Giving 3 divorces in one go is forbidden. Talaaq ka right maloom tha yeh nahi maloom tha kay Allah ka kiya hukum hai Talaaq kay baray main ? did you send her alimony which is her islamic right ? ........Karma exist ...yes it does.....and it hits back many folds.
Anyway to put a long story shot, I did some investigation on her, and found out that her ex was some nice nerdy guy. She was the one who abused him mentally and he was forced to divorce her.
Jo kaam apko pehlay karnay chahyeh thay app nay baad main kiye .
My point is guys, I know some of you want to be nice and do a good thing, but please always do your research. Find out why the girl got divorced. There must have been a reason. Don't be "jizbati" and listen to your elders. When my relatives in Pakistan heard about this, they all advised me NOT to marry a divorced girl, however I didn't listen to anyone. Even my parents here were hesitant, but still supportive.
Also, this is something I didn't know before, but now I know why men want virgin brides. When you love a girl so much that you want her to be the mother of your kids, the thought of another man touching her and having intercourse with her is VERY PAINFUL!!!!
She was MARRIED to her ex husband , she did not commit Zina. Wasay BTW now you are also a USED GOOD.I feel that it was always in your mind that she is not pure and you were looking for excuses to get rid of her ! Plus, I feel that just because it was her 2nd marriage you expected her to be all mazloom and obedient. But to your shock she had a mind of her own and had some demands which was a big blow to you.
So consider that also. Don't put yourself through that mental torture. I thought I could handle that, but its too painful. I use to keep that to myself though, but the mental anguish was always there.
All those guys who are supporting this man will have different opinions and emotions if God Forbid same thing happened with their own sisters. Apki apni behan ko divorce ho and usko aisa stupid husband milay phir apko pata chaly what the girl must have gone through.
I agree with Niksik .....what's the point in sharing all this now when you are happily married with a virgin wife ?
I believe you are someone very well known here on Life1 and have just created a new ID to post this troll. .............3 posts only ?
That’s good mA.