I just don't get how you got to become the Director of GS if you have an attitude like that heavily laced with sarcasm. So not a nice trait at all.
wow....how the tables turn......
a minute ago you were upset that he suggested you have less than perfect parenting skills.
you didn't appreciate being judged.
here we are reading how you believe that he shouldn't be director of the forum since he is able to use sarcasm.
what gives?
either you believe that people should be allowed to form opinions about others' or they shouldn't.
a bit fickle maybe?
and let me just add this one sentence so you know that I'm not judging anyone.....
"just my two cents"
ok guys chill out...the poor lady is already distressed and instead of offering advice every1 is like fighting with her...lets forget whatever has been said...and concentrate on the problem..
I think this time will pass, its probs just a phase..unless u r totally against cousin marraiges...but shes only 11...so i wouldnt worry so much...he probs just gives her extra attention like a brother and she has mistaken in...i seriously wouldnt worry too much...my parents had 3 daughters (including me) and Im sure we had loads of crushes...but alhumdulilah we all turned out fine :) Chill!
Also introduce them to namaz and islamic teachings so they also learn themselves what is right and what is wrong...teenage age aint easy for parents...but your girls are probs as confused as you are....being a good friend with them should help...but they should know their limits....so like baaton baaton mein u can mention how its wrong for muslims to have bf's etc
I remember when i was 13, i had my “first ever” crush on my cousin (who now is my dearest hubby lol)…and i dont know how…my mom figured it out and confronted me in a very polite way that “i have noticed you staring at him (haha i know embarrassing lol ), whats the matter, d you like him?You are too young beta”. and i replied with the most innocent face and puppy eyes “oh no mom, he is like my brother” but from then onwards, i never even looked at him (or atleast never infront of her haha ).
So what i mean to say is that crushes are very common among kids, theres nothing to get worried about. But u can ask her as my mom did…just so she knows that you have an eye on her
everybody has a right to their opinion......we may not like what they have to say but that doesn't mean we should attack them for saying it.
NomiCa:
I don't particularly care for the personal attack albeit with the sarcastic overtone that you have directed to TLK.
Yes....he is the director of this forum and with that responsibility deserves the respect that goes with the title. If you have a problem with this then let me know and we can have a conversation about it.
Respect is not given because it's 'deserved' or because someone has a title and it's some automatic right, respect is earned.
To the OP -
Crushes are a natural part of growing up, but if you are worried then you are obviously worried for a reason and perhaps should talk to your daughter about your concerns. Like someone suggested, maybe steer her towards activities that will interest her and take up her time and distract her from her crush. Some posts here go on about it not being normal to keep diaries or use the words "sexy cousin" etc, this is absurd quite frankly. Kids are kids and if you try and stifle them with so many rules like you cant keep a diary or you cant use this word, you may be in danger of making them rebel and do a lot worse. You can't control EVERYTHING your children say or do, it's unreasonable and unrealistic. You can only guide them the best way you know and pray that they become good well adjusted young men and women.
Some of the posts on here though, bloody hell lol, seems like a lot of people have forgotten what it was like being a kid and how far away from simple it could be.
OK, since all has been said and done in thread, I just have a very few things I want to add:
Just because something is a very natural part of growing up...be it lying, hiding things, skipping classes, not turning in homework, excessive whining, and crushes, doesn't mean that as a parent we just accept it as a phase and move on. At any phase of a child's life, especially those kids who haven't reached puberty yet, a parent plays an incredibly important role.
You can never take chances with your child. Never. For the OP, I think it would help to review the material your children are reading, who they are associating with and what kind of shows they are watching. All these things can become distractions if parents don't take an active role. Giving space to your child is one thing but it comes with responsibility.
Just because something is a very natural part of growing up...be it lying, hiding things, skipping classes, not turning in homework, excessive whining, and crushes, doesn't mean that as a parent we just accept it as a phase and move on. At any phase of a child life, especially those kids who haven't reached puberty yet, a parent plays an incredibly important role.
Having a crush and lying, hiding things, skipping classes etc are two very different things. Most preteen/teenagers have crushes and they are pretty harmless for the most part. Also, her crush is on her cousin, not some thug on the street who is doing drugs! Also how do you stop your child from having a crush as long as they are not doing anything beyond just feeling giddy about the person?! The OP said she keeps a close eye on her daughter when she is with her cousin. You can't prevent a child from having these typical adolescent feelings! You can prevent a child from skipping homework or punish them for lying because these things will hurt the child in the future. Having a puppy crush will not hurt the child in the future. You guys make it seem that you all were monks! And her daughter has reached puberty as a preteen and having a crush is very typical of preteen behavior.
But the OP should talk to her daughter. It's very important to always communicate with your child and make sure everything is all out in the open rather than just look the other way and shove every concern under the rug.
Why? Because we think having a crush on your cousin is not as terrible a thing as some people here are making it out to be?! In all likelihood your kids will have a crush as a preteen/teenager and you won't even know about it.
We aren't condoning dating or telling the OP to encourage her daughter to have such feelings. She needs to talk to her daughter but this issue is not as serious as people are making it out to be.
Having a crush and lying, hiding things, skipping classes etc are two very different things. Most preteen/teenagers have crushes and they are pretty harmless for the most part. Also, her crush is on her cousin, not some thug on the street who is doing drugs! Also how do you stop your child from having a crush as long as they are not doing anything beyond just feeling giddy about the person?! The OP said she keeps a close eye on her daughter when she is with her cousin. You can't prevent a child from having these typical adolescent feelings! You can prevent a child from skipping homework or punish them for lying because these things will hurt the child in the future. Having a puppy crush will not hurt the child in the future. You guys make it seem that you all were monks! And her daughter has reached puberty as a preteen and having a crush is very typical of preteen behavior.
But the OP should talk to her daughter. It's very important to always communicate with your child and make sure everything is all out in the open rather than just look the other way and shove every concern under the rug.
I wasn't a monk trust me...so I should learn from my experiences and hopefully become a little proactive. No I cannot stop my children from having crushes but really if this wasn't a problem in the OP's eyes, she wouldn't have started a thread asking for advice eh? Something is definitely bothering her.
Respect is not given because it's 'deserved' or because someone has a title and it's some automatic right, respect is earned.
Granted respect is earned.
Obviously the guy earned the respect of the people who established this site and therefore he is in a position of authority.
Whether or not you wish to trust the opinions of the founders is another story......
Granted respect is earned.
Obviously the guy earned the respect of the people who established this site and therefore he is in a position of authority.
Whether or not you wish to trust the opinions of the founders is another story......
You guys made a big mistake. Please review your decision. :O
Crushes are a natural part of growing up, but if you are worried then you are obviously worried for a reason and perhaps should talk to your daughter about your concerns. Like someone suggested, maybe steer her towards activities that will interest her and take up her time and distract her from her crush. Some posts here go on about it not being normal to keep diaries or use the words "sexy cousin" etc, this is absurd quite frankly. Kids are kids and if you try and stifle them with so many rules like you cant keep a diary or you cant use this word, you may be in danger of making them rebel and do a lot worse. You can't control EVERYTHING your children say or do, it's unreasonable and unrealistic. You can only guide them the best way you know and pray that they become good well adjusted young men and women.
Some of the posts on here though, bloody hell lol, seems like a lot of people have forgotten what it was like being a kid and how far away from simple it could be.
I can't stand parents who allow their pre teen or young teen children to keep diaries. It was a proper no no in my family while growing up and I'm so glad it was. Sorry but this is the age when the child must have full freedom and every reason to talk to you, talking to the mother/siblings should be the ultimate diary entry for children at that age. Plenty of years ahead for keeping secrets.
Diaries aren't necessarily just for secrets, some kids genuinely keep them as a sort of creative 'outlet.' Seems a bit ott to stop your kids from simply writing their feelings in a book and besides can't really see how you can stop a child from writing a diary anyway (how hard is it to go and buy a cheap little book or notepad, they could prob even just pick one up from school).
In any case even if they aren't writing those feelings down it's not like they're going to automatically stop thinking them..
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Also how do you stop your child from having a crush as long as they are not doing anything beyond just feeling giddy about the person?!
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Okay so I can kind of see it from the parents' perspective here..... a crush that gives such good feelings can also lead to someone verbalizing or acting on thoughts...Most of our parents were pretty strict, so if we had crushes, we had no chance of acting on those crushes, and even the OP says that she keeps an eye on her kids...but not all parents would keep an eye on tehir kids, esp parents who are big on granting space and privacy to a child.
There's a quote, I forget the exact thing but it says, thoughts lead to words, words lead to actions, actions lead to character and character leads to destiny.... So the more you think about something, the more you want to act on it.....and that's what scares most parents....and thats wy people here are against crushes. Thats what I think.
In any case even if they aren't writing those feelings down it's not like they're going to automatically stop thinking them..
Woah, wait a minute. Putting something in writing is a totally different level of affirmation that you print in your subconscious mind, as oppose to just thinking about it. Why do you think that people who write their goals often achieved them as compared to the ones who are just thinking about their goals.
Diaries aren't necessarily just for secrets, some kids genuinely keep them as a sort of creative 'outlet.' Seems a bit ott to stop your kids from simply writing their feelings in a book and besides can't really see how you can stop a child from writing a diary anyway (how hard is it to go and buy a cheap little book or notepad, they could prob even just pick one up from school).
In any case even if they aren't writing those feelings down it's not like they're going to automatically stop thinking them..
U know wiht all that said, knowing what goes on these days....i doubt any child would still be writing in diaries as opposed to being online or facebook/myspace etc. so writing in a secret diary for your eyes only is still better than interacting online at that age I think...
), whats the matter, d you like him?You are too young beta”. and i replied with the most innocent face and puppy eyes “oh no mom, he is like my brother” but from then onwards, i never even looked at him (or atleast never infront of her haha 
).