Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
What accusations and what judgements? You say the OP needs to make a few changes to her parenting style so you’re agreeing with TLK bhai, this is exactly what he’s saying, no? If he’s making false accusations then so are you? I don’t get what you’re arguing over 
Anyway, please continue.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
I dont think that you need to correct your daughter, you need to correct your parenting style. There is seriously something wrong with how you are raising your kids.
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Man, my first crush was when I was 12.. Which wasn't too long ago.. It'll end soon anyway. So don't ponder over it too much.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
I think you should ignore this completely and shouldn't make the mistake of talking about it, instead you should start trusting her, give her the surety that you trust her and will support her to make her feel secure.
I know most of us did similar things when growing up but if we remember it clearly the reason was that we either felt insecure or couldn't find our parents trustworthy or friendly enough at that time. You and your husband need to show a lot of love and trust to her, so stop spying on her because young adults love their privacy more than us adults.
You don't need to read her notebook to know her, just talk to her about your expectations from her and have some good family time together everyday, and also pray and tell her to pray for protection.
You can start talking about the teenage pregnancy rate in UK and also STDs and the religious aspect of it (zina etc) in a friendly sort of environment.
At the end of the day your children will be what you expect them to be.
I don;t make it a habit of reading her books or journals. The book in question where I read these words were in fact her school planner which has to be signed by the parents every week.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
I don;t make it a habit of reading her books or journals. The book in question where I read these words were in fact her school planner which has to be signed by the parents every week.
In that case she is trying to tell you something , please talk to her.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Submission is the key and your only way out. On the contrary i am fully align with your views in this thread.
The lady needs to correct her parenting style, it's not normal to fantasizing rapist boy friends or my sexy & hot cousin. Too all the women who are supporting this, please have a coffee if you were doing something wrong in your preteen years it doesn't mean it was right.
So having feelings for the opposite sex is seen as 'wrong'? Are you saying you never, ever had a crush on a member of the opposite sex (sorry I don't know if you're male or female) These feelings are entirely normal, I have the most wonderful parents and yet I still had feelings for my cousin who is like 15 years older then me but that's all it was, a crush!
And more to the point, in the other thread I started about my other daughter who is 12 who is obsessed with Justin Bieber, I said she escaped from her would-be-rapist boyfriend. If my daughter is in love with a pop star, it does NOT make me a bad parent nor does it mean that I am neglecting her *tarbiyyat. *These things are WRONG they are a natural part of growing up.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
I can send you screenshots of some gems we see on GS everyday including some by the very people who're now haww hay'ing at TLK bhai's post.
My inbox is ready!
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Oh you truly noble people, I am sorry. Lets not blame anyone here cause having multi crushes and writing questionable journal entries involving rapist boyfriends are very common amongst pre-teen girls.
I submit to your holiness.
I just don't get how you got to become the Director of GS if you have an attitude like that heavily laced with sarcasm. So not a nice trait at all.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
I just don't get how you got to become the Director of GS if you have an attitude like that heavily laced with sarcasm. So not a nice trait at all.
He placed a bet, didn't you my father like figure?
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
I was hand picked cause I heavily bribed the owners ..
OK, lets start it all over again. All I was saying that your daughters are young. Just like any other young kid, they cant tell right from wrong, but you can (as a parent we all can and should). Now things are not going to correct themselves, so as a parent, you probably need to change something. I did not call you a bad parent (as many twisted my words and made it look so), all I said that you need to change your parenting style. Maybe you are like me, a friendly/easy going parent. Does that make you or me a bad parent, no. But if we need to be strict, we can only do it by changing our parenting style.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
my father like figure?
dude, you have not seen my figures so dont make such claims. I am sure your dad is in much fit condition than I am.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
So having feelings for the opposite sex is seen as 'wrong'? Are you saying you never, ever had a crush on a member of the opposite sex (sorry I don't know if you're male or female) These feelings are entirely normal, I have the most wonderful parents and yet I still had feelings for my cousin who is like 15 years older then me but that's all it was, a crush!
Having feelings for opposite sex is perfectly normal. Having said that, it's abnormal to have sexual feelings & fantasizing of rapist boyfriends at the age of 15. No wonder we have such high figures of preteen sex & pregnancies in today so-called very-liberal society. By the way if you think you are a perfect parent but by what standards?
[QUOTE]
And more to the point, in the other thread I started about my other daughter who is 12 who is obsessed with Justin Bieber, I said she escaped from her would-be-rapist boyfriend. If my daughter is in love with a pop star, it does NOT make me a bad parent nor does it mean that I am neglecting her *tarbiyyat. *These things are WRONG they are a natural part of growing up.
[/QUOTE]
Being in love with materialistic & cultural icons is fine and Justin Beiber is part of culture. Are you confusing pop music with rapist boyfriend or hot n sexy cousin. I think you are. Better sit down and think logically instead of how you brought up and what you go through in your life.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
dude, you have not seen my figures so dont make such claims. I am sure your dad is in much fit condition than I am.
In case you didn't know, I am Arnold Schwarzenegger's illicit love child.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
In case you didn't know, I am Arnold Schwarzenegger's illicit love child.
so I was right then ..
[QUOTE]
I am sure your dad is in much fit condition than I a
[/QUOTE]
m.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
My daughters have a habit of leaving their books open and lying around and the scribbling about her 'fit and sexy cousin' and how much she loves him.
Harmless I know, but what should I do?
If it's pre-teen then just ignore it.
(PS: She will learn to hide her stuff properly as she grows up.)
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Firenze, you STILL don;t get me, after all that I have tried to make it easy for you to read and understand. You now leave me no choice but to explain again what the situation is here.
I have 2 daughters in high school.
The one who is in love with JB is 12 years old, 13 next month. She fantasied about being the girlfriend of JB. In her story, she ran away from her boyfriend who was ABOUT to rape her. She was not fantasizing about actually being raped. In effect, JB is her saviour, her rescuer so they end up together.
Daughter No. 2is 11 years old and is 12 in August. She has a crush on her 2nd cousin (my padija) and as innocent and sweet as it is, I won't say anything to her at all UNLESS and UNTIL there are signs that she has taken the crush too far and is constantly vying for his attention etc.
How I was brought up (quite fantastically with a loving set of hard working parents who instilled a lot of useful life skills in me from a very young age)
And yes, I did know what rape meant at 12 years old. Social Studies covered that in school.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Firenze, you STILL don;t get me, after all that I have tried to make it easy for you to read and understand. You now leave me no choice but to explain again what the situation is here.
I have 2 daughters in high school.
The one who is in love with JB is 12 years old, 13 next month. She fantasied about being the girlfriend of JB. In her story, she ran away from her boyfriend who was ABOUT to rape her. She was not fantasizing about actually being raped. In effect, JB is her saviour, her rescuer so they end up together.
Daughter No. 2is 11 years old and is 12 in August. She has a crush on her 2nd cousin (my padija) and as innocent and sweet as it is, I won't say anything to her at all UNLESS and UNTIL there are signs that she has taken the crush too far and is constantly vying for his attention etc.
How I was brought up (quite fantastically with a loving set of hard working parents who instilled a lot of useful life skills in me from a very young age)
And yes, I did know what rape meant at 12 years old. Social Studies covered that in school.
when u post something like this abt ur self or ur kids or a friend of urs ,it should be clear in ur mind that U R GOING TO BE JUDGED n since in both of ur posts asked for advice n suggestions ,u got both neutral and bitter comments
if now u feel that u dont need to do something abt it then plz edit ur original post n put a note there
secondly no matter what ppl say or what ur daughters r doing ,U NEED TO TALK TO THEM not because of the journals or cousin crushes but because they r at a v critical stage so plz talk to them ,be their best friend ,tell them what the relligion says n what u expect of them .....im really scraed of pre-teen n teenage stage for my daughter ...may Allah have mercy on all of us i wish u best of luk ....
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Girls are VERY much into fan-fiction (stories need a plot, escalating tension etc. to be interesting and to have lots of readers (rapist boyfriend, abusive father etc.)-they are mostly about a damsel in distress (who young girls identify with) saved by a knight in shining armor) and fantasies at this age. It's not abnormal!
That said, just keep a friendly eye on her because some girls may get too much into this.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
I do think it is significant that she leaves this for you to find. She needs to talk about it and doesn't know how to start the conversation. You probably need to address it somehow, but without making it a big deal.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
I can't stand parents who allow their pre teen or young teen children to keep diaries. It was a proper no no in my family while growing up and I'm so glad it was. Sorry but this is the age when the child must have full freedom and every reason to talk to you, talking to the mother/siblings should be the ultimate diary entry for children at that age. Plenty of years ahead for keeping secrets.
And people who are suggesting that you should ignore how its all oh so normal, maybe such style of parenting explains why some young people excel at school, colleges and extra curriculum activities because their minds are free of all this crap thanks to their parents telling them where to target their focus, whereas some just remain losers because they never get out of their fantasy world that revolves around boys and only boys (or girls in other cases).
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
^ Yes, everyone has the right to the freedom of their opinion. But there is a fine like between conveying ones opinion and passing judgement at others. Judging others whilst one is asking for advice to me is a form of labeling people. Would that not be construed as an attack? It is never too savoury to label or be labeled.
Just my two cents.
Humour me and give me an example of what you mean.......show me what that fine line is that divides an opinion from a judgement.
Please and thank you.