Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
^Yeah, I hadn't even thought of Facebook..
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
LOL.......I don't regret for a moment.
you do, just look into your heart... just look.. just look.....
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
you do, just look into your heart... just look.. just look.....
and you know what's in my heart?
right.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
and you know what's in my heart? right.
yup nothingness.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Diaries aren't necessarily just for secrets, some kids genuinely keep them as a sort of creative 'outlet.' Seems a bit ott to stop your kids from simply writing their feelings in a book and besides can't really see how you can stop a child from writing a diary anyway (how hard is it to go and buy a cheap little book or notepad, they could prob even just pick one up from school).
In any case even if they aren't writing those feelings down it's not like they're going to automatically stop thinking them..
Not everything has to be black and white or simple yes or no when it comes to disciplining your children.
In some households, there is a thing called parent child relationship, not every child goes on to become a rebel or do opposite of what his/her parents told him not to do
I believe in slowly and constantly moulding your child's behaviour for both short and long term advantages, my parents didn't appreciate diary keeping, they made it look so unappealing and pointless in their own way thus we never felt attracted to this concept. There were many instances in our childhood where we didn't do certain things simply because we didn't like disappointing our parents, not necessarily we were so scared of them.
Yeah we had those type of 'diaries', where we would show our parents what we wrote or drew. Lets see if the OP can have her pre teen daughter doing that if not she can have fun discovering more about her daughter through her secret writings than her actually communicating with parents.
Anyone who thinks just by stooping the child you are making them rebel or allowing them to do things is secret is just painting the stereotypical picture of sad childhood with stiff nose parents.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Humour me and give me an example of what you mean.......show me what that fine line is that divides an opinion from a judgement. Please and thank you.
Wow I just love your amicable attitude, is it so difficult for you to act like an adult?
Alas, I do not make a habit of mocking the less fortunate, so I will pass on your offer.
Banalities aside, I thought this was a forum where one can turn to for support and advice, not a popularity contest. Well, if that is how it is run, then so be it. Who am I to judge? pun intended
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
who are '"we"?
The people who responded in this thread and didn't think having a crush on your cousin was such a terrible thing that the child needs to be disciplined and reprimanded.
Okay so I can kind of see it from the parents' perspective here..... a crush that gives such good feelings can also lead to someone verbalizing or acting on thoughts...Most of our parents were pretty strict, so if we had crushes, we had no chance of acting on those crushes, and even the OP says that she keeps an eye on her kids...but not all parents would keep an eye on tehir kids, esp parents who are big on granting space and privacy to a child.
There's a quote, I forget the exact thing but it says, thoughts lead to words, words lead to actions, actions lead to character and character leads to destiny.... So the more you think about something, the more you want to act on it.....and that's what scares most parents....and thats wy people here are against crushes. Thats what I think.
The OP only mentioned that her preteen daughter has a crush on her second cousin and she found something written regarding that in her diary. She also said she keeps a close eye on her daughter when she is around that cousin. Based on the information provided, I fail to see why people are so shocked at a preteen having a crush on a member of the opposite sex. Happens all the time. The only thing you should do as a parent is have a talk with her and let her clearly know her limitations. Having a crush and actually doing something about it are two very different things and it seems so far the daughter hasn't done anything that is terribly immoral.
I am all for disciplining and watching over your kids like a hawk. Preteens and teenagers aren't innocent. They have raging hormones and a million other issues and it's very important to be on top of what they are up to at all times, keeping track of who their friends are, making sure you know exactly where they are at all times and even doing some snooping every now and then to make sure they aren't hiding anything from you. It's VERY important to constantly communicate with your kids and let them know time and again what they are and what they are not allowed to do. I don't even agree with the whole notion of 'trusting' your teenage child and giving them space. They can have all the space they want once their hormones settle i.e when they are married!
Also I haven't seen the thread about the OP's other daughter regarding her fantasies but from what I gather from this thread, I would definitely be shocked to read such material from a preteen because it seemed very disturbing to me. In fact I would consider taking the child to a child psychologist.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Cherryontop, I thought your reply was an excellent one, in fact the best out of all the replies here............................. until I read the last paragraph.
I really think taking her to a child psychiatrist is a bit way over the top. She has not written anymore of her story so far and I really think it's a one off.
What I did fail to mention (and I make my apologies for that) is that the only way she could have gotten this idea/information about rape and abuse is from my own collection of crime books which she nay have picked up and read. They are books on real life crime/child abuse that I used for my university studies. If you tell your kids not to read it, they will find a way to read them.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
^so there’s nothing to worry about then, and nothing to discuss. :k:
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Wow I just love your amicable attitude, is it so difficult for you to act like an adult?
Alas, I do not make a habit of mocking the less fortunate, so I will pass on your offer.
Banalities aside, I thought this was a forum where one can turn to for support and advice, not a popularity contest. Well, if that is how it is run, then so be it. Who am I to judge? pun intended
So what about my request was not amicable? I seriously want to know the difference......if there is any.....and if you perceive there to be one.....
Proof of my intention is in the other thread that I started where I myself posted definitions of the word judgement and judge.
As far as the forum is concerned.......it's fate is not decided by anyone but the membership. If you choose to see it in a negative way then a half full glass it will be.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
Granted respect is earned. Obviously the guy earned the respect of the people who established this site and therefore he is in a position of authority. Whether or not you wish to trust the opinions of the founders is another story......
But because he earned the respect of the founders, he should then automatically be given respect by the members? And like you said in a previous post, his title comes with responsibility, and although he obviously has his own opinions, surely the responsibility of his title then requires him to be careful of what he's posting in the first place?!
Crushes - when I was a kid and had a crush on someone, honestly the last thing I wanted to do was to discuss it with my mum or dad. Being a pre-teen/teen was tough and confusing enough.
Also just because the OP was asking for advice, does it have to mean something's wrong? Can't it just mean that this is the first crush issue she's had to deal with as a mother and just wants advice regarding that?
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
There's an interesting assumption in this thread that things like crushes and such develop depending on parenting style (and that by changing the parenting style, we change the child's behavior). I don't think that's true. A parent's approach is not going to change the feelings themselves, but it might affect how the child reacts to the feelings, how much s/he thinks about them, what s/he does with those feelings, etc. But the parent's style could remain the same, and still affect change/growth/progress in the child.
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
^ and this is why she's a Parenting mod. =)
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
^^ u r right..... its all about how you approach and control your child....
... and someone who thinks it is Not Ok to* fantasize about opposite sex in your preteens.... i would seriously doubt his parenting style
- or her
The time to act is now before something goes wrong
Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.
wow....how the tables turn...... a minute ago you were upset that he suggested you have less than perfect parenting skills. you didn't appreciate being judged. here we are reading how you believe that he shouldn't be director of the forum since he is able to use sarcasm. what gives?
either you believe that people should be allowed to form opinions about others' or they shouldn't. a bit fickle maybe?
and let me just add this one sentence so you know that I'm not judging anyone..... "just my two cents"
Muzna, surely you can understand that there is a difference between questioning someone's parenting style and questioning someone's merits of authority of a random online forum. It is a sign of good management if people with authority are not ashamed of admitting their faults and forum members are openly able to criticize policies.
GS truly is a micro study in human behavioral psychology.