My daughter fancies her second cousin.

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
21

Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

I think that's pretty normal and nothing to worry about. I'd leave it alone, as long as I'm sure, the feelings haven't been shared.

Ohh i"m so not looking foward to the teen years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

in western coun tries kids this age start talking abt boyfriends/girlfriends n kissing etc so maybe just to show her friends that she is also cool she is behaving this way so have a nice talk wit her after a trip to mall or something like that abt what her friends are talking abt n how u understand having crushes is normal but what u think is appropriate n inappropriate .....hopefully everything will be ok

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

^ God forbid if you have any daughters. From what I recall, there is no other judge besides Allah, so maybe we should keep it as that.

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

Nothing.

25

Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

:mirch:
In your first post you said “Harmless I know, but what should I do?”
So everybody is giving you advice as to what you should do as per their understanding of the issue at hand.
If you had said " Harmless I know, but it is so cute I will let it slide this time and keep an eye on her to make sure this crush does not get out of hand"
Nobody will give you any advise and they will take it as a blog entry , posted in Parenting forum by mistake.

26

Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

I think you should ignore this completely and shouldn't make the mistake of talking about it, instead you should start trusting her, give her the surety that you trust her and will support her to make her feel secure.

I know most of us did similar things when growing up but if we remember it clearly the reason was that we either felt insecure or couldn't find our parents trustworthy or friendly enough at that time. You and your husband need to show a lot of love and trust to her, so stop spying on her because young adults love their privacy more than us adults.

You don't need to read her notebook to know her, just talk to her about your expectations from her and have some good family time together everyday, and also pray and tell her to pray for protection.

You can start talking about the teenage pregnancy rate in UK and also STDs and the religious aspect of it (zina etc) in a friendly sort of environment.

At the end of the day your children will be what you expect them to be.

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

I also recommend getting her out in different social circles, to get her interacting with real people and drawing her out of her fantasy world. It'll mean you getting out of your comfort zone too.

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

I think Sahar's given a wonderful idea, making her join sports or belle will be great, you know these sort of physical activities are so important for growing up kids, they can focus their energies on good things.

29

Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

I just want to mention one thing.....

everybody has a right to their opinion......we may not like what they have to say but that doesn't mean we should attack them for saying it.

NomiCa:
I don't particularly care for the personal attack albeit with the sarcastic overtone that you have directed to TLK.
Yes....he is the director of this forum and with that responsibility deserves the respect that goes with the title. If you have a problem with this then let me know and we can have a conversation about it.

30

Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

Submission is the key and your only way out. On the contrary i am fully align with your views in this thread.

The lady needs to correct her parenting style, it's not normal to fantasizing rapist boy friends or my sexy & hot cousin. Too all the women who are supporting this, please have a coffee if you were doing something wrong in your preteen years it doesn't mean it was right.

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

.

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

^ Yes, everyone has the right to the freedom of their opinion. But there is a fine like between conveying ones opinion and passing judgement at others. Judging others whilst one is asking for advice to me is a form of labeling people. Would that not be construed as an attack? It is never too savoury to label or be labeled.

Just my two cents.

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.


well said and i second ur views.

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

mm no expert here either but i'd say your kid needs better things to obsess over. arts, crafts, sports, whatever. maybe its time to introduce/steer her twds some of these things?

35

Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

Did the guys in here never crush on anyone in their entire lives? Only when the teenage girls have a crush is it permissible to question someones parenting?

OP , dont mention anything to her, if you come down hard, you'll only make her rebel. Just make sure you (very subtley) let her know your expectations of her.

36

Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

If you guys want to see some harsh and uncalled for posts, I can send you screenshots of some gems we see on GS everyday including some by the very people who're now haww hay'ing at TLK bhai's post. What he said is the bitter truth, reiterated by others in more politically correct ways. If her parenting style is all fine n dandy, why are ye giving her advice on how to deal with her child? And what's with "oh but this is common in this age?". Did ye even know what rape was when you were a child (not even a teen) let alone a rapist bf?? o_O

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

:k:

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

Needing advice does not make you a bad parent. I don't think making mistakes and changing your parenting style makes you bad either.

And yes at 12 I knew what rape was.

I am not saying the op is perfect and there are no concerns for her daughter. Just saying that I certainly don't know enough to make such accusations.

39

Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

You know, all things aside... why would you say that?
Why cant someone ask a question here without being judged?

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Re: My daughter fancies her second cousin.

[QUOTE]
What he said is the bitter truth, reiterated by others in more politically correct ways. If her parenting style is all fine n dandy, why are ye giving her advice on how to deal with her child? And what's with "oh but this is common in this age?". Did ye even know what rape was when you were a child
[/QUOTE]

I don't see anybody else calling her a bad parent...?

and since when does asking for advice mean you're doing a lousy job in your role?

And yes, to answer that question, I did know what rape was at age 12 (I am assuming thats the age of the child in question here).