I’m very happy, worked hard to get into my field and the single life can be rather addictive. Come and go as I please, sleep, eat as I please…got good friends company, and my parents are close enough for me when I need them and far away enough so that I can be independent.
But my biological clock is ticking and I’m worried about when I’ll start a family. Guys are interested, as I’m domesticated, friendly and have a good moral/value system but as soon as they hear of what I do, they run away, but I don’t blame them. No desi man will stand for his wife being a diplomat, unless he is uber cool and liberal and supportive. At the same time, I want a guy who can support me when need be.
Vat to do vat to do Just chill and leave it in God’s hands?
I have met someone absolutely amazing who is fine with what I do, but he’s in another country
mmhmmm!! If I had to choose though, my career comes first. Atleast I will know that I can support myself and my parents if need be. And I fought too hard for it.
Cat-woman! I can identify with your situation. Single life is highly addictive and I just dont want to give it up. I do whatever I want, when I want, how I want and no one asks me a thing. I have an amazing circle of friends and enjoy a decent social life. I LOVE being independant, city life, shopping, having a career, goals, etc.
My problem is simply that I dont know if marriage is going to allow me those freedoms. The guy Im talking to right now says he has NO problem with anything I do but doesnt that change later? Thats what I keep thinking. I want kids and a family but sometimes men dont like my take on things. For instance, I strongly believe in adopting children before I have some of my own. What man is okay with that?
Im joking…on a more serious note…iA you’ll be able to make the right decision, but there are a lot of women who do regret not starting a family and getting married, just remember that we are DESIGNED to get married…hence think carefully, you dont wanna regret your decision one day…
Psquared, I’m in a similar situation! This guy says he will wait for me/support me in my career and would even be fine with being a house husband!! But I don’t believe him! Or even if that is the case, he will have to wait atleast a year before I can commit.
Khawa, I don’t know as yet. He’s very successful in what he does at the moment and has just built a new house, and is basically waiting for a girl to fill it. I think he doesn’t mind waiting, but in the longrun sees me living there, which I’m very hesitant about
Ira, no. Actually prefer non-desis. And the guy I’m talking to is gora who is attracted to Islam. That was the basis I spoke to him on, that he is eventually going to convert.
Oh ya thanks psquared, I'm going to be posted inshAllah after a year or so for 4 years at a time, but will have to come back to my country for 2 years before the next posting.
He seems to be a perfect match, let him convert first and find and explore some intricacies of this religion. One year is enough for him to find out if he wants to stick to this religion , or he is just window shopping and for you too, to judge his seriousness to this relationship.
You can make up your mind in the mean time too. I am sure once he makes a commitment to religion he can keep his commitment to you too.
I will pray for success of this relationship.
Maybe you are around the wrong social circle? I think nowadays desi/muslim guys (especially those raised out in the west) are looking for independent women. I have seen pleny of men who married career women.....they themselves were career driven as well.
Anyway, dont worry to much about it (I know I dont). It'll happen when and IF it is meant to happen.
I was in the same situation. My career was everything to me. Esp since the marriage I was in was an unhappy one. I am so comforted to know that I can earn a very good living for myself if ever the need should arise...and the man I am now married to and have little children with is in complete agreement with that. When things are right, you just feel it and know it. Whether you decide to keep working and have extra help to take care of the household tasks or whether you decide to leave your career for a while, thats another thing that you will need to do some soul-searching about....me? I KNEW that I could not do both well. And hands down, for me personally, it wasnt even a question of whether I'd stay home with my babies. Some moms can handle career AND home very nicely. And they are the "super moms", people to be greatly admired. If you have it in you to be both, you kind of know it in your heart. You also kind of know in your heart what is right for you and what is not. You sound like you are mature enough to make these decisions, the right ones for you. I wish you the very best, most esp since you sound like one of those "super moms" who I so admire!
and I’m worried about when I’ll start a family. Guys are interested, as I’m domesticated, friendly and have a good moral/value system but as soon as they hear of what I do, they run away, but I don’t blame them. No desi man will stand for his wife being a diplomat, unless he is uber cool and liberal and supportive. At the same time, I want a guy who can support me when need be.
