wow haven’t seen you on GS in AGES! You have our ashirwaat, go for it!!!
Maybe you are around the wrong social circle? I think nowadays desi/muslim guys (especially those raised out in the west) are looking for independent women. I have seen pleny of men who married career women.....they themselves were career driven as well.
Anyway, dont worry to much about it (I know I dont). It'll happen when and IF it is meant to happen.
I will advice , do not wait too long for it to happen ,do something about it to happen.
If you wait too long you might miss the train/boat/bus. Unmarried desi male who are career driven have a cut off date ( as in age) for the girls/women they wish to marry.
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
Actually, the more I think about it, the worse your situations seems to my eyes.
My understanding is that for a successfull career in the diplomatic service, you need to be geographically mobile and live in several different countries over your career. Therefore you would ideally need a man who is ok with that.
However, moving around tends to be disruptive towards career development and thus income. So any man who moves around with you would need to be willing to put his career interests behind yours, and accept you as the primary breadwinner for the family.
Now that runs counter to the expectations that most societies (both desi and non-desi) traditionally lay upon men. Any man who signs up to that would need to be willing to live with the slight feeling of humiliation that others would try and foist onto him both in front of him and behind his back. He would also have to give up his own career ambitions - again, not something that societies traditionally encourage.
Unless you manage to choose a path in the diplomatic service that involves staying put in one country, or find a man with a career that is easily geographically mobile (some form of consultant, perhaps), then you place yourself in a tight bind.
We live in a society that expects that if one party does have to sacrifice career hopes and ambitions for marriage....... it's the girl, not the guy. Finding a spouse with a compatible personality is hard enough; finding a spouse with a suitable personality who is also willing to defy convention is so much harder.
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
^hmmm. But since she is interested in a non-desi guy who is also interested in her, this may not apply. Really, in the non-desi world, the average age of a new mother is mid thirties and its pretty common for LATE thirties to have the first child. There are a few first time mothers who are near age 50 these days too! Not that I'd particularly recommend waiting THAT long....but heck, motherhood does not HAVE to begin at age 20 anymore.
Visit visa chah-e-a kia ?:)
Now that is funny Mirch Bhai..........not looking for visa...
but maybe we can help the young lady solve her delima........
find her a match maker in the country she is living obviousley she does not want to move......right?
^hmmm. But since she is interested in a non-desi guy who is also interested in her, this may not apply. Really, in the non-desi world, the average age of a new mother is mid thirties and its pretty common for LATE thirties to have the first child. There are a few first time mothers who are near age 50 these days too! Not that I'd particularly recommend waiting THAT long....but heck, motherhood does not HAVE to begin at age 20 anymore.
That's fine. More and more desi guys, let alone non-desi, are okay with woman with full time careers (indeed, that's what I want too).
HOWEVER, the geographic mobility that comes with a diplomatic career can be devastating to the diplomat's spouse's own career.
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
...and Mad scientist...in this day and age, there are SO very many high earning careers that can be accomplished from a home computer system that location becomes rather irrelevant. My husband manages a team of like 20 people - only 3 of them are local to him, the rest are all over the planet. He actually gets more work done on the days that he works from home than he does on the days that he travels to the office. Technology has truly shrunk the planet kwiM?
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
Yes but its not impossible to find somene willing to sacrifice his own career for the sake of his spouse's. It may be hard to find that person though.
Now that is funny Mirch Bhai..........not looking for visa...
but maybe we can help the young lady solve her delima........
find her a match maker in the country she is living obviousley she does not want to move......right?
She has already found someone. She is looking for some reassurances from fellow GS citizens.
She has already found someone. She is looking for some reassurances from fellow GS citizens.
You seem to be able to read between the lines..........must come from being on GS............:)
You seem to be able to read between the lines..........must come from being on GS............:)
Yes it is one of the things I learned on being GS.:D
**CW
You are damn right WE don't want to sit idle and cherish our wife's career achievements.
If I really wanted that, I would have married an athlete wife. You support her till late 20 or early 30.
Then she retires.
AND
you get your self a wife who can raise healthy babies. Amazing body. And to me her athletic abilities would come real handy, If you know what I mean.
I always bn a big fan of animal instinct in humans. **
CW
You are damn right WE don't want to sit idle and cherish our wife's career achievements. If I really wanted that, I would have married an athlete wife. You support her till late 20 or early 30. Then she retires. ** *AND * **you get your self a wife who can raise healthy babies. Amazing body. And to me her athletic abilities would come real handy, If you know what I mean. *I always bn a big fan of animal instinct in humans. *
I guess you want to say I instead of we above . You do not represent the entire male population . There are all kinds of male in this world , some want to marry career women some don't , some want to marry tomboys ,some don't , some want to marry skinny ones some want to marry women size of Rosanne there is nothing wrong with what you want to do or others want to do.
You could say the same thing in a calm and cool manner without use of superlatives , you are talking to a woman maintain some decency please.
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
WE =ppl like me .
Ok Boss
And next time you don't like my post tell a MOD about it.
...and Mad scientist...in this day and age, there are SO very many high earning careers that can be accomplished from a home computer system that location becomes rather irrelevant. My husband manages a team of like 20 people - only 3 of them are local to him, the rest are all over the planet. He actually gets more work done on the days that he works from home than he does on the days that he travels to the office. Technology has truly shrunk the planet kwiM?
Not all career fields have that work from home option - it's predominantly the technology industry.
In particular, her description of the guy she's found doesn't seem to match the geographically mobile sort - in particular, his saying that he would "wait for her". You don't wait for someone who is going to spend her career moving around. You wait for someone who is going to settle down.
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
going thru this i feel one of the most blessed lady . agar main keh doon raat ko sooraj nikalta hey tu
he says yes -
hopefully i will marry him :)
well - as for you i feel you have not found the right person yet :)
good luck
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
Maddy you are right, and they told us this on the first day of the job - it's a career with the highest divorce rates, cheating rates and most women diplomats are single. However, I don't think it's impossible to find someone who appreciates different cultures and wants the children to have that exposure. He may have to sacrifice his career, or choose to study further or take care of the kids. It sounds impossible, but I have realised that in life, nothing comes easy, especially that which you want the most.
Mamaof3, thanks for sharing your story. I would love to be a "supermom" but I question if I have that ability! And yes, I do see myself with a gora rather than a desi (unfortunately). and yes, with technology, people can sit at home and work! however, some countries do not allow the spouse of the diplomat to work.
Ira, thanks for your words of encouragement too, really appreciate it :)
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
I get so frikkin high when I'm around ambassadors and key political decision-makers, who are actually making agreements that will affect the country for years to come. I can't let go of this just yet...
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
even IF you do let it go, you are going to be sad when you see/hear a similar thing.
NO DISRESPECT INTENDED:
Make sure you leave it for your own reasons, You stop it for guy there are chance you get mad at him twice a day thinking about what you sacrificed for him.
Or have kids quickly after wedding they are worth it.
Re: my career is not compatible with marriage
To be candid as your friend, I think you're in danger of trying to reach too far. You already acknowledge that your field has high relationship failure rates (so finding the right guy would be hard) and that you need to find a guy who would be willing to take a back role in providing for the family (such guys do without doubt exist, but are a small minority).
Couple that with requiring the guy to be muslim or willing to convert, and you're looking to try and catch a small minority of a small minority who are able to make a hard situation work.
As your friend, I believe that your opening statement is correct - you are in a situation where your career is very difficult to reconcile with a successful marriage. You're happy being independent and all now - but the longer you leave it the harder it will be to get married.
Take a deep hard look inside yourself and think if you truely believe that your career is worth enough to you to take on the risk of being single into your far future.