Re: My Boss is Gay
^
agony aunt = you
darti = fear
jhakas = fantastic
psquared, hopefully the HR director will address the situation and it will resolve. Thats her job yeah? And its a problem not only for you...so now its HER problem to take care of. I really think that the sensitivity training for Mr twinkletoes could be a huge help here - I went to one of these and it was really amazing. IF the HR director suggested that you email him, I dont know...it might help but I'd keep it mild and light so that he'd not be able to take offense and retaliate. OR just talk to him - nothing in writing - with something like "Hey boss-man...if you lay off the Paki-bashing then I'll stop the gay-bashing that goes on behind your back". But really, it should all be in the HR persons realm now, not yours.
As far as some of the rest of the kind of off-topic replies....I have to say something because I find it so very disturbing how some people can be so intolerant that they resort to physical assault or wish death to those who are different from them - in the privacy of their bedrooms. Its no ones business what goes on in there beyond the participant(s). And it is SO against any and every religion to physically assault ANYONE who is not assaulting you. Leave the judging to God/Allah and worry about yourself. The cruelty I read in one or two posts here was just beyond heartbreaking. Judge not lest you be judged yeah?
I feel like he is almost flaunting his homosexuality because he is a minority. Its wrong.
I went to the HR department this moring and spoke to them, they said they've heard about his behaviour but had no idea it was to this extent. I wasnt the first to complain. I narrated the entire incident and also suggested the Sensitivity Training like you said MO3 because I think its an excellent idea. He might be setting wrong examples for other people and that attitude needs to go.
I got called into the HR Department again a few minutes ago to give names of people! As in witnesses! This is so hard to do...I work with a few of my friends! I told her I needed to think about it and would get back to her if I felt comfortable doing that. Would you guys give names like this?
Re: My Boss is Gay
^ I would. Based on work ethnics, it is the moral obligation of a fellow employee to report this or testify, since that person passed a religiously comment that you would deem derogatory. I dont think you should have second thoughts about reporting this. Trust me, once he gets confronted by the higher ups on this, he will be more careful in the future, and wont even think about pulling this crap ever again.
Re: My Boss is Gay
It sounds like HR is thinking that the guy's behavior is beyond the simple matter of sensitivity training. Some homosexuals (commonly called "flaming fags") are so in-your-face about their mode of living that they forget themselves...and those types are even discriminated against within their own community of homosexuals.
Anyway, I have experienced a couple of situations where HR was involved in discrimination-types of things and have become somewhat familiar with what they do. Sounds like they want this guy out. You can either tell them that you are not comfortable naming names of his victims. Or you could suggest that they speak to everyone who reports to him. Or you could name names and specific incidents dealing with the names that you give them. In any case, they are looking for specifics and will be determined to find them if they exist. It should have no ill-bearing on you no matter which approach you choose although you will be making their job (HRs I mean) easier if you provide at least a few details or suggestions on who they should speak with.
Best of luck! and keep us posted!
Re: My Boss is Gay
law suit is in order! act like he has damaged your self esteem, write it down, tell him and report it.
remember to give me my share for the advice :D
Re: My Boss is Gay
Hang on with the lawsuits here....the process needs to be followed. Complaint(s) lodged properly to the proper department (ie., Human Resources). They are obligated to investigate and follow thru on their findings. If they do NOT, then and only then is the company liable. If HR addresses and corrects the problem then there is no ground for lawsuit (well, perhaps a private lawsuit against the offender could win, esp when they were fired for discrimination but that has nothing to do with the place of employment). In any case tho, its in the best interests of the company and their employees to weed out those who cannot fit in, those who are intolerant and those who discriminate.
Re: My Boss is Gay
You should talk to the potential witnesses , may be , before giving their names to make sure that they are on board.
Re: My Boss is Gay
^ I thought about that...if I dont follow procedure then the company cannot be held responsible because they were never given a chance to investigate it right?
I know people who he has openly hit on and said stuff to. But a couple of them are my friends and thats where it gets mucky. I guess I dont want to drag them into this issue or inadvertently turn them into targets for some sort of revenge later on. Know what I mean?
But I do think if this behaviour doesnt stop now then we will only see it getting worse because it is. I think I might just give them a couple of really obvious names that all of us know about and leave it to them.
Re: My Boss is Gay
psquared, your complaint has NOTHING to do with the whole issue of him hitting on other people, and you should NOT be giving names of people he has hit on or made uncomfortable that way regardless of whether they are your friends or not.
don't muddy the situation with HR. keep it succinct and relevant to his comment about you and the middle east/islam and just provide names of who else was there while the comments were made. stay out of every other complaint against him. it's not your place to be giving witnesses for other incidents, nor should you be talking to HR about them if they didn't involve you.
Re: My Boss is Gay
You think so? She was asking me for any other incidents that might have occurred and I told her I didnt want to get involved in any of that.
I guess I will just stick with my scenario then...
Re: My Boss is Gay
most definitely. if the involved parties were riled up enough about being hit on by the boss they should've approached HR on their own. good luck!
Re: My Boss is Gay
I agree that you should stick to your complaint specifically. But it may not hurt to mention a couple of names of people who may have their own negative experiences to relate. Tell them that while you are supplying those names, you do not want to get involved but you feel that those named people may (or may not) have an issue to bring up with the HR department. This way, they know that you will back up your colleagues who have been victims but at the same time, it will not be you who relates their issues - IF they choose to relate them, they have an ally in you though.
As mentioned above, the HR department really does have as its credo to make things work in a Human Relations type of way...its their job to get rid of or re-train those who get in the way of company succcess by making their workers uncomfortable and/or unproductive in any way. So again, you will be helpful to them if you supply some names. If you choose not to supply names, thats ok too because now they have this guy in their radar and will speak to anyone he deals with.
Re: My Boss is Gay
^^Yes, you should definitely give a few obvious names to help with this case.
This reminds me about my hubby's situation. Someone from his work team circulated an offensive email about Islam/Muslims using company's email system and people were exchanging messages about it so my husband really felt insulted because he was the ONLY muslim in the group. He told me about it and I really pushed him to report this to HR or at least his team manager which he did and THAT person was immediately removed from the company within a day!
Re: My Boss is Gay
^ Very good!
But I dont understand.. what is his sexual orientation has to do with any of this?
But I dont understand.. what is his sexual orientation has to do with any of this?
Exactly.
If you feel he made an offensive/discriminatory comment about your race or religion, by all means go report it. But hating his sexual orientation and filing complaints against him for it will just reflect poorly on you, painting you as homophobic and intolerant (which, judging from your comments, probably isn't too far from the truth).
Re: My Boss is Gay
His sexual orientation is not supposed to have anything to do with it Bebo...you're right!
The problem is, for some odd reason he goes out of his way to make sure everyone within nuclear fallout range of him knows he is gay.
This is exactly what I told my HR lady today...Im not supposed to know what he is. That is his business and it needs to stay his business. But when you come to work and the first thing out of your mouth is "Gosh Nick, arent we looking quite sexy...dont come near me today sweetie!"...it just makes things a bit ICKY!
To top it all off, his remark to me was out of line. I feel he treats his homosexuality as a weapon...he lashes out whenever he chooses to and because he is gay and a minority...we are supposed to tolerate it. How unfair is that? Ive worked alongside people for years at a time and never even knew what their sexual orientation was...its a matter of professionalism.
What if I started making derogatory comments to people and when they lashed back...accused them of being prejudiced towards Muslims? (Im the only Musilm in my department.) Im using my religion as a weapon against people who never had a problem with me in the first place.
Exactly.
If you feel he made an offensive/discriminatory comment about your race or religion, by all means go report it. But hating his sexual orientation and filing complaints against him for it will just reflect poorly on you, painting you as homophobic and intolerant (which, judging from your comments, probably isn't too far from the truth).
Let me clarify something...Ive got friends who are gay. Ive got friends who are bi-sexual. These are not colleagus...these are actual friends. Im the last person you will find to be intolerant or homophobic. One of my close friends is a gay makeup artist. He freelances for YSL all over Chicago. I dont dislike any sexual orientation...that is their business and between them and God.
I do have a problem when it starts to creep into the work environment. Ive got a problem when I feel you are using it as a "I can get away with everything because Im gay" card. When Im sitting there and you hit on a colleague of mine...I wonder if you are even taking yourself seriously...forget the world. I think he takes the "Im gay and Im proud" bit too far in the workplace.
I am one of the most accepting people you will ever meet. I dont like hating people and look for reasons to like them. But this is not fair or right.
Meri kuch samajh mein nahin araha hai...aap kya kehrahi hein? Jhakas kya hota hai? Agony aunt kaun hai? Darti kya hai?
^ agony aunt = you darti = fear jhakas = fantastic
Wah kya baat hai spock..correct hai
Re: My Boss is Gay
So, I sent a written copy of all that we discussed to my HR director via email...am now awaiting her confirmation of it.
I havent given her any names yet...still wondering if that is such a good idea. But I might give her incidents that occurred so she has an idea of how far he goes...