Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
Why not say that they can't sleepover at the friend's house, but if she really wants to experience a sleepover, then bring the friends to your house?
Isn't this like double standards?If it is not right for one kid to go for a sleepover,then how does it become right for another kid to come over for one?
It is not about race,religion or what the other family eats or say etc etc.A teenager most likely will not like anyone telling them that their friends come from bad families.It is about safety and a house rule about no sleep overs.IMO going to one or having one is the same thing and both should be a no.
Just my two cents...!
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
Inspiron's post made me curious about something.
To those of you who do not/will not allow your child to sleepover at any friend's house due to safety issues....epecially issues related to inappropirate behavior that MAY take place.....do you have the same exact rule with family (ie. phuppos, khalas, chachas etc.)?
I'm simply asking b/c issue of children being molested by family members is not unheard of. Heck children out there get molested by their own parents or even grandparents. Of course, NO ONE ever thinks that a family member is capable of something so heinous.....but sad reality is that it happens.
So does anyone here not allow (or will not allow in future) their children to sleep over at ANYONE's house period (even another family member's) due to safety/inappropriate behavior concerns?
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
My kids go to their grandparents' for sleepovers once in every 5 or 6 months...I don't think I will let them go to aunt or uncle's simply because I think they're all pretty incompetent when it comes to taking care of kids.
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
^^Paheli…When growing up we were not allowed to sleep over at relatives’ unless our mom was with us.Also having a very small and boring family helped……I never had cousins my age etc that I would have wanted to go .I had a phupppo I was close to and wanted to go stay with her when she was not married,but ammi never allowed that because my dada& his family lived with his brother and his kids and they were boys so ammi never let us.I never argued with her.
For my kid,I will prefer her not to go stay at relatives.But both her nanihal and dadihal are scattered over the globe,so I don’t even see the possibility arising.SO honestly speaking,I have not given it a lot of thought.
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
For me I have 10's of cousins when I stayed over at someones house it was usually along with 6-7 other girl cousins. My mum wouldnt let me stay ALONE at someones house.
She is scared of sexual of abuse and I guess she is right to be so.
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
Also there certain relos that mum was more wary of and infact none of my cousins ever stayed in those houses. e.g. my mamu has 4 boys ...never eveb bothered asking!
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
I have loads of cousins and growing up we always slept over together. The boys would go to one house and the girls the other. So once a month it would be at cousin A's house...next cousin B's....there was a total of 8 girls always.......when we hit our teens it just stopped slowly. We still talk about doing a sleepover one of these days.
However we were never allowed to stay at anyone else's house Muslim or not. A simple NO was more than enough to shut us up :D
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
We werent allowed to sleepover anywhere without our folks... So no relatives either... Helped we lived all alone in another country...
But when visiting pak.. Nopes. My parents said they didnt trust anyone else with our dafety than emselves.. Made sense to us kids though sometimes we would feel left out... But once we were all grown up... We understood very well.
Personally, kafir or non kafir, i don't want to teach my girls someone is a less of a human because their hygiene practice might be questionable!! I was allowed to go to goras house and Mu parents had two rule, don't eat haram and no sleepover! My parents said my friends were more than welcome to sleep over my place but I would not be allowed and I never even wanted sleepovers so I never had trouble. My mom and dad have all sorts friends and they told me it is not right to refuse food as long as its not haaram. If a friend offers you a bite, you politely take it and try to not hurt or offen them. If you think only kaafirs hygienes are questionable, i know of a muslim family friend who didn't clean their toddlers ulti for three days from the dining table when I was staying at their house. I want to throw myself in a cannon and get the hell out. I may not agree with your reason for paaki napaaki factor but i agree that sleepovers are off limits. There are mentally sicks percs out there and no one should be trusted when it comes to letting daughter sleepover. I apologize in advance if i said something inappropiate.3
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
I boarded for a while, went on overnight school trips in secondary school as well as staying with relatives and friends of my parents (with them whilst we were travelling) so it wouldn't really have made sense for my mum and dad to say no to all sleepovers..
Despite my mum being pretty conservative I was allowed if they knew the girl and the family I was staying with (not with school trips/foreign exchanges - obviously).. If I was staying with a family friend sometimes my brother would come along as well.. it was good fun.. I would do the same with my kids..
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
when i was probably 10 or so we were only allowed to sleep at 2 friends' place with whom my mom was best friends with. however, when we grew up after say age 13 14 she never allowed us too. my father just explained that he doesnt like it.
and now when my sister is 15, i realize i dont want her staying at anyone's home as they have males in their homes. like brothers, father etc. bas acha nahin lagta... :)
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
I'm
Not letting my kids sleep over anyone's house apart from nano, n dado! No uncles , relatives family friends anything without me. Yes I'm scared of sexual abuse... As a mum I know of one friend who was abused pretty badly by her own Mamoo .. This was while her mother was staying in the same house... I'm
Gonna be watching people like hawks .. Hell no sleepovers without me..
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
ok, just out of curiosity... does sleepover here mean... going to ur BFF'S house to spend the night or a formal invite to say a friend's house. This friend being some one you are not extremely close but are just good friends with and your parents have not had much interactions with them or their parents.
Yikes, coz I had sleepovers for as long as I can remember. But ofcourse they were all desis and religion wise my friends were all Hindus and Christians. They didn't have brothers ( luckily). Dont know what my parents would have said if it were for a Arab / Muslim family though. But since I went to an All Indian School I didn't have any Arab/ Non- Indian friends. Again these two girls that I had sleepovers with , we went to same school, stayed in the same neighborhood ( a 100 feet away), we spent most evenings together playing. My parents knew their parents really well etc etc. Plus there were no issues of food , just had to be veg.
So it was just an informal sleepover that would happen over weekends, in a way tht , idhar hi so jaao types !!
Not like "you are invited to a sleepover, pls do come".
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
simply say no, and keep at it, there is no need to bring up other stuff like muslim/non muslim halal/haram, paaki/na-paaki, it's un-necessary, she is 13 and doesn't understand these issues quiet yet
Parents are all the same, Muslim or Catholics most of the time they say 'No' to sleepovers because of only one thing which is the safety factor, so skip the lengthy conversations and if you are persistant she will come to terms with it, Trust me I am glad my parents said no to my sister and I when we were teenagers, it has only benefited us for the best alhamdulliah.
Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
The thing is, I was never invited to sleepovers at that age. I was told that this was and still is, an English/American custom that kids do as part of growing up. They need their circle of friends and should be given some independance. I don't agree. You don't need to send your pubescent daughter to an English girl's home for a sleepover just to blend in with her circle and get some freedom/independence.
I have explained that eating and drinking from a kafir's house, especially where there is dirty meat, probably loose immoral talk and chit chat amongst the adults there is not a good environment for my daughter. I don't think that English people have the best regard to personal hygiene when using the toilets and it is with these hands that they touch everything. I have brought up my kids to keep themselves 'paak'. Being in school, this is not always possible.
I have explained this to her as well as the fact that anything can happen. I have offered her a compromise, i.e a movie at our house with some mates around or we all go to see a movie.
I don't think your explanation should have involved putting down her friends' families and really an entire community/nationality. It is incorrect and breeds hate, paranoia, and prejudice.
…I never had cousins my age etc that I would have wanted to go .I had a phupppo I was close to and wanted to go stay with her when she was not married,but ammi never allowed that because my dada& his family lived with his brother and his kids and they were boys so ammi never let us.I never argued with her.