Re: My 13 year old daughter wants to go for a sleepover.
You are entitled to your own parenting methods and thought process. However a "kafir" does not make for horrible parent. Yes they may not be Muslim, but that does not make them a bad parent.
For example in our community, we have a handful of Pakistani families who despite being active in the masjid, partaking in their muslim duties, however in their homes there is a bar that would put any "kafir" home bar to shame. Whose eid parties serve open bar. My father no longer attends 99% functions in community as he does not wish to be around this.
Now how would you feel about your kid(s) going to this Muslim home for a playmdate or sleepover, that serves halal meat on holidays with a side option of vodka? Vs "kafir" home? How do you explain then that " oh Muslims don't do that" verse. but at least their bathroom is paak, what about this? Would your daughter not be confused?
Now, I'm not saying that any of these folks are bad parents. I'm not here to judge. Its just an example, that doesnt matter if its "kafir", "english" or a muslim in a pakistani drama, unislamic things happen, its a fact.
I'm a single parent of a 14 year old, have been since the day she was born, alhamdullilah. Growing up I wasn't allowed to even go grocery alone, forget going to a sleepover. However, my parents said "Muslims don't do this, or that isn't halal", etc. those same things don't hold up the same in today's world. I do allow her to go to sleep overs, but only one home. Her friend, whom I grew up with her mother, they live around our home, I know and love that girl as my own and nor are they Muslim, nor do they drink. they go out of their way to make sure to purchase food she is able to eat.
I teach her to respect and care for everyone, no matter their faith or lack of. But that doesn't mean she is allowed To go to anyones home that I don't know. She can have friends over sure. I tell her I have only one of you, I have to hold on tight, ;p maternal guilt is awesome.
Predators sadly lurk everywhere. Families, schools, karate class, families. Sleep overs are scary, but so is just about anywhere. It's just about teaching caution. In my line of work, I see it from many different levels.
It is about compromise and choosing your battles. Teenagers don't just crave independence, but also acceptance and understanding.. They know they are loved. At least that's what I tell other parents, lol, and myself... What do I know I'm just a pediatrician.
Ok, off my soap box. Ia, you'll figure out what's best... But I would avoid saying certain types of people have lack of paak habits... It can be anyone doesn't matter origin.
The thing is, I was never invited to sleepovers at that age. I was told that this was and still is, an English/American custom that kids do as part of growing up. They need their circle of friends and should be given some independance. I don't agree. You don't need to send your pubescent daughter to an English girl's home for a sleepover just to blend in with her circle and get some freedom/independence.
I have explained that eating and drinking from a kafir's house, especially where there is dirty meat, probably loose immoral talk and chit chat amongst the adults there is not a good environment for my daughter. I don't think that English people have the best regard to personal hygiene when using the toilets and it is with these hands that they touch everything. I have brought up my kids to keep themselves 'paak'. Being in school, this is not always possible.
I have explained this to her as well as the fact that anything can happen. I have offered her a compromise, i.e a movie at our house with some mates around or we all go to see a movie.