Re: Multiple Wives
u ppl should know its allowed to have 4 wives.......have u ever thought abt tht what If it were made compulsory by ISLAM to have 4 wives ....
Thn wht will u ladies Do ...........So do think abt tht too in ur free time....hahaa
so specially for ladies... ladies should thank ALLah almighty for tht..... it wasn t made compulsory/obligatory ..just allowed .. ......
Re: Multiple Wives
i think i shud go back to cafe 
Re: Multiple Wives
I’d only marry a widow as second marriage, who doesnt have any mental or financial support from anyone else.
But wait..why do u wanna mary two of ur cousins?
Re: Multiple Wives
multiple marriages work for some....it's allowed...so just let it be.
Re: Multiple Wives
i dont know, he married two of his cousins... one cuz the grandfather did that rishta right before he died when he and his cousin (first wife) were babies, and the second cousin... i dont know! her parents were just really desperate for him to marry her, even though he called them and specifically told them that he wasnt interested in her, and that it would be injustice on his part to marry her...
Re: Multiple Wives
It must be your entire point, because your entire reply is based on what makes a man a "real man". If his choice involves more than one women, its premature to assume he's a bad person. You need to look at WHY he's choosing more than one woman. If they're for charitable, non-lusty reasons, then fine. If they are for lusty reasons, he's not being a good muslim, and hence he's not a real man. The Prophet did not marry for lust. Look at his marriages for examples. Even his only "virgin" wife that he took, he asked her father Abu Bakr (R) to reserve her for him when she grew up because he was so taken aback by her intelligence when she was a kid. He married her for her brain, not her looks. The rest he married for charitable reasons, and political reasons. Khadija (R) is an example of a great monogamous marriage - one that he is known to have cherished the most to the point that all of his other wives that came later were jealous of her. And she was an old lady when he married her. So, where does lust come into the picture?
If the woman he chose turns out to be not right , and he figures this out later on, the option of divorce is always there. And he must always take into consideration his first wife's right to divorce in the event he takes on another wife. Most women will choose not to stay in an unhappy marriage, and they wont stick around for the husband to take on another wife. So the issue of polygamy is rare, and usually in situations where the first wife is so financially dependent, that she chooses financial dependence rather than a divorce where she'd have to fend for herself. This situation would predictably be seen in hard-hit economic areas. And surprise surprise. Where do muslims usually practice polygamy? Villages.
It has to do with self respect when he's taking on extra wives out of lust, which is unIslamic. The individual who knows how to respect himself and has dignity will not show himself to be an animal, and will be able to control his desires.
A man with one wife can do one thing much better than a man with multiple wives who married for the wrong reasons: respect and love the woman in his life.
It amazes me how some of this stuff is not intuitive to people. I think you might want to stop and really think what you would do or feel if your spouse told you "I'm sorry, I'm kind of tired of you, and so I'm introducing someone else into our marriage to make myself feel happy. Oh you don't seem to like that? Too bad."
What would you do, if your father brought home another woman and just told your mom "Hey, here is my sukhun. Accept her or leave"?
Re: Multiple Wives
Like I said, live a little, grow up and then we'll talk again. You obviously have no clue what you are talking about. Top it all of, when you do open your mouth (or post) you dig a bigger hole for yourself. :D
Over and out.
LI, i don't know your background, but from what you said above i guess your the type of person who goes to university & studies some mickey mouse type degree & pat yourself on the back because you graduated 'with honours' in philosophy or multimedia etc, to gain maximum benefit from education i believe that you should select a subject which you are both interested in but more importantly, a subject you know absolutely nothing about therefore broadening your knowledge as much as possible, now i dont know you consider to be important learning, but as far as i'm concerned, it's not about who invented or developed a machine or system but how the invention works & what it can be utilised for, i'm interested in the product not the inventer, names are heard & forgotten in university, unlike some degrees, were not questioned on who invented some type of amplifier but how it works and asked to implement it with given parameters. your type of education comes from nothing more than reading books, any1 with half a brain doesn't even have to attend lectures and still get through easily.
I'll give you an example of how you think, your the type of person who'd be more impressed with a car suit wearing salesman, who can quote you the name of every CEO of every major car manufacturer, than you would be with the mechanic who just totally rebuilt your engine & gearbox & improved the performance of your car using something he developed himself, too you the clever guy is the guy in the suit who reads a lot and 'remembers names' is the one who knows alot when all his heads filled with is useless information, & the guy working on the car is just a 'dumb grease monkey' with a spanner, see you may think you know everything when really everything you have stored in your head amounts to nothing but garbage, but hey, that don't matter, you know who Alan Turing is..............and that will help you how?
Re: Multiple Wives
I was just discussing how the number of wives a man chooses to have would have any bearing on his being a real man, as per your definition. According to your definition, a real man is someone who:
I was not discussing the definition of a real man, but rather I was saying that there's no reason why a man choosing to have multiple wives could not also have the qualities mentioned by you.
As far as I care, as long as he fulfills the requirements for having multiple wives, i.e. treats them pretty much equally and supports them adequately, having more than one does not make him any less of a "real" man.
[quote]
If his choice involves more than one women, its premature to assume he's a bad person. You need to look at WHY he's choosing more than one woman. If they're for charitable, non-lusty reasons, then fine. If they are for lusty reasons, he's not being a good muslim, and hence he's not a real man. The Prophet did not marry for lust. Look at his marriages for examples. Even his only "virgin" wife that he took, he asked her father Abu Bakr (R) to reserve her for him when she grew up because he was so taken aback by her intelligence when she was a kid. He married her for her brain, not her looks. The rest he married for charitable reasons, and political reasons. Khadija (R) is an example of a great monogamous marriage - one that he is known to have cherished the most to the point that all of his other wives that came later were jealous of her. And she was an old lady when he married her. So, where does lust come into the picture?
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I never said anything about what is a good reason or otherwise for taking on multiple wives. I don't agree that marriage due to lust is a wrong reason, but that's another discussion. Some people seem to think that it is only allowed if it is purely for charitable reasons, of which nobody has managed to convince me.
[quote]
If the woman he chose turns out to be not right , and he figures this out later on, the option of divorce is always there. And he must always take into consideration his first wife's right to divorce in the event he takes on another wife. Most women will choose not to stay in an unhappy marriage, and they wont stick around for the husband to take on another wife. So the issue of polygamy is rare, and usually in situations where the first wife is so financially dependent, that she chooses financial dependence rather than a divorce where she'd have to fend for herself. This situation would predictably be seen in hard-hit economic areas. And surprise surprise. Where do muslims usually practice polygamy? Villages.
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The few men whom I know who have multiple wives are not living in villages and none of their wives have left them. They're actually living in Canada.
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It has to do with self respect when he's taking on extra wives out of lust, which is unIslamic. The individual who knows how to respect himself and has dignity will not show himself to be an animal, and will be able to control his desires.
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I don't see what this has to do with self respect. If inability or unwillingness to control ones desires implies a lack of self respect, then you can also say the same about a woman choosing to leave a man because he married another woman? She would be following her desires, which is equivalent to her not controlling them and therefore it follows that she also lacks self respect.
[quote]
A man with one wife can do one thing much better than a man with multiple wives who married for the wrong reasons: respect and love the woman in his life.
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Knowing that you and I don't agree on what would be a right or wrong reason, my response to your point is that I would not make that generalization.
[quote]
It amazes me how some of this stuff is not intuitive to people. I think you might want to stop and really think what you would do or feel if your spouse told you "I'm sorry, I'm kind of tired of you, and so I'm introducing someone else into our marriage to make myself feel happy. Oh you don't seem to like that? Too bad."
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If you've read my previous posts on the subject, I have said that I personally wouldn't do it. Consideration of my wife's feelings would be the main reason for that.
However, I do know a handful of people who either have or would like to have multiple wives, and that fact doesn't make me think any less of them.
Re: Multiple Wives
honestly hussain87, i'm gonna give up with you, i can't go any further with you, hell i can't even get you to understand the simplist of logic........i'm dissapointed with the level of intelligence some of my brothers are displaying, no wonder the muslim empire crumbled...........behind the destruction of every major power....there's always been a bunch of stuborn, simple minded dumbasses.....of which some of you guys are the direct decendants.
the rest of you people on here who use you brain when thinking, might want to consider ending any attemps to talk sense into these people, they're stuck in their ways and don't want to accept logical arguments, & hence reject the true islamic teachings in favour of age old traditions.......the pakistani way as always.
Its like interragating a chimpanzee who's been trained to nod it's head upon hearing human voice, you can ask away, it'll nod away, but will never have a god damn clue about what your saying.....but still nods.
Re: Multiple Wives
^Terrible Guy??????
Re: Multiple Wives
The mere fact that you would consider your wife's feelings makes me wonder what guys do when they take on more than 1 wife. Either in that situation, the wife gives the ok signal, and hence the second marriage takes place. In which case, if the ladies are happy with it, then I have nothing to say about such a marriage or the people involved in it. But in most case scenarios, a first wife will not be happy with their husband taking on a second or third, etc wife. In those cases, what can you possibly say about those husbands except that they aren't really good men? If they were real men or good men, then they would take into account feelings of the women involved (like yourself) and choose to avoid polygamy. Its quite possible and easy to choose to avoid it. So, that leads me to believe that those who engage in polygamy ag/ wife's wishes are doing an injustice to their wife, as I'm sure you would feel you would do to your wife if you were to engage in polygamy. And the person who knowingly does injustice to another person is not a good muslim. Finito. It says clearly in Islam that you are to do no harm to anyone. I don't see how that's hard to understand.
Re: Multiple Wives
I still dont understand how any educated woman in her right mind would tell her husband that he can marry a second woman... women these days are pathetic.. tehy go overboard in doing everything they can to please their husbands and it disgusts me to no end
Re: Multiple Wives
joke of the centuery:omg: 
lol …
Re: Multiple Wives
lemon, I think most women wouldn't do "everything" to please their husbands. There is a line. Part of a man's responsibility is to please a woman. But I think in our culture, and since polygamy is part of our religion (although not a mandatory or even encouraged part), muslim women are more likely than non-muslim woman to allow themselves to be treated like the dirt on the bottom of a man's shoe. Somehow they think its their religious duty, or they've been conditioned to think that they shouldn't stand up to abuse because they would be a bad wife, and hence a bad muslim. Lack of education about religion. I mean take a look at the replies. You have so many people thinking that its OK for a man to not take into account his wife's feelings and go ahead and engage in polygamy when he knows he's hurting his wife. People think that's somehow Islamic. Its horrible - we muslims have created these holes for ourselves because that's what we teach each other. Its okay to hurt other people.
Re: Multiple Wives
I would not call it injustice since it is a man's right given by Allah. A man would be fulfilling his right, without infringing on the rights of his wife.
I would compare it to the following analogy - In a house, there's a husband and a wife who are both working. The wife makes more money than the husband. The husband spends whatever he makes on the family's necessary expenses, i.e. food, clothes, shelter, transport etc. The wife earns more money and she uses it to buy whatever she desires for herself and doesn't contribute anything to the household expenses, which are borne by the husband all by himself. Although she has the means to pay for the household expenses, but it's not her duty. She could show consideration towards her husband and help him out with the expenses. Although it would be virtuous of her if she chooses to help out, nobody can say she is unjust if she chooses not to. This is because it is his duty to provide for the family and not hers and her husband has no right over her money.
I know of similar situations in real life, where the men and the women of the family are both working, but the women do not want to contribute to the household expenses. Since it the man's duty to provide for the household and not that of the woman, I don't consider these women to be unjust, even though they lack consideration for their men. This sometimes requires the men of the house to work extra hours just to make ends meet. One can also say that these women are causing harm to their men by enjoying themselves with the money they earn, while leaving the men to do extra work just to support them.
As with the above situation I mentioned, I wouldn't call it injustice, but rather a lack of consideration. Consideration in this case would be an extra virtue, but lack of it does not equal injustice. So if I did choose to take one or more wives beyond what I have now, I would not consider it to be injustice to my wife. However, I would consider her feelings, and that would be out of my own choice.
Re: Multiple Wives
If the Quran directly tells you not to hurt anyone, and you know you'd be upsetting your wife with bringing in another woman, then how are you not disobeying God? And when you know the religion gives equal rights to a woman to be in a happy marriage just as given to a man, then what makes you think that its okay for a man to go do something that would upset his wife?
These same Islamic rights you speak of for a man were taken away from Ali (R) by the Prophet (SAW) himself, simply because Fatima (R) was unhappy with Ali (R) marrying anyone else.
A woman's happiness in her marriage supercedes a man's right to polygamy. And that's Islamic. By making a woman unhappy, you have directly infringed on the rights of the wife. Now if you do not accept that a woman has the right to happiness, then that is different.
Your analogy fails, because the Quran directly places the financial burden of the family on the shoulders of the husband and not the wife. Hence, if the wife chooses not to financially help her husband, she has not done anything Islamically wrong. However, if he is totally unable to support the family, or inadequately able to support the family, then it would become her duty in that situation to provide for that family (ex. he gets maimed in an accident). Then its agreed by scholars that the financial responsibility is deferred to the wife. These things are clearly delineated in the Quran and Sunnah.
Now if you are to follow the same Quran and Sunnah, you'll find that my reasoning stands true, and that the husband who takes another wife and makes the first wife unhappy is sinning, as evidenced by the Fatima (R) example.
Re: Multiple Wives
I think people need to realize that you have to change with the times... back then women were ok with their men taking a second or third or fourth wife because of majbooris but not these days... i mean seriously its not that difficult for an educated girl in America to get a husband thats only HERS... and these women act all happy-happy just because they feel theyre doing a naik kaam by acting like its all ok, meanwhile i bet they must be raging with jealousy inside everytime the other gets pregnant or gets treated better..... i mean seriously how can a woman not care if her husband is spending alternate nights with her and the other wife? women have feelings too... theres no woman who can honestly say shes never felt jealous being in that situation... but i give mad props to them for going through all that their whole life, i wouldnt be able to do it.
Re: Multiple Wives
These same Islamic rights you speak of for a man were taken away from Ali (R) by the Prophet (SAW) himself, simply because Fatima (R) was unhappy with Ali (R) marrying anyone else.
A woman's happiness in her marriage supercedes a man's right to polygamy. And that's Islamic. By making a woman unhappy, you have directly infringed on the rights of the wife. Now if you do not accept that a woman has the right to happiness, then that is different.
Your analogy fails, because the Quran directly places the financial burden of the family on the shoulders of the husband and not the wife. Hence, if the wife chooses not to financially help her husband, she has not done anything Islamically wrong. However, if he is totally unable to support the family, or inadequately able to support the family, then it would become her duty in that situation to provide for that family (ex. he gets maimed in an accident). Then its agreed by scholars that the financial responsibility is deferred to the wife. These things are clearly delineated in the Quran and Sunnah.
Now if you are to follow the same Quran and Sunnah, you'll find that my reasoning stands true, and that the husband who takes another wife and makes the first wife unhappy is sinning, as evidenced by the Fatima (R) example.
I have read the hadith which you might be refering to. Rasulullah (S.A.W.) didn't tell Ali (R.A.) that he's not allowed to marry another wife if he doesn't have permission from the current one(s), but rather what he said was specifically about Fatima (R.A.). It went more or less like this:
"Fatima is part of my body. Whoever grieves her grieves me."
And I don't consider marrying a second wife even though the first one disagrees with it as infringing on the rights of the first wife. It is the right of the man as given in the Quran.
If you want to talk about displeasing someone being unislamic, then if a woman disobeys her husband, that should also come into the same category. He can also then claim that he is being harmed.
A man can then also say that his wife is displeasing him by refusing to let him marry another wife, and therefore his right to be happy in a marriage is being infringed upon as well. So therefore, the wife disagreeing with it, is also out of bounds, due to her displeasing her husband on that account and keeping him from being happy.
My analogy is perfect. It just shows that while it is good to be considerate, nobody can call you unjust as long as you are not being considerate, but making sure you don't infringe on anyone else's rights.
Re: Multiple Wives
Are you kidding me? You’re telling me, the person who was chosen by God to deliver divine revelation to mankind and instruct mankind on almost everything from government to personal matters and on how to conduct ourselves would actually have had the nerve to tell Ali (R) that he’s being grieved by the thought that Ali (R) would take another wife, when God (as you think) says “Its your right to take another wife, irregardless of what the first feels”??
Why would the Prophet even have the nerve to discourage an act that Allah is not bothered by? Obviously, this act must also bother God as well, otherwise the Prophet would not be the Prophet.
And don’t tell me this hogwash that a man is harmed if he can’t have relations with more than one woman. That’s sheer nonsense. You can excuse any bad action in the same vein. Maybe I like to insult other people, and by God prohibiting me from insulting other people, I’m being “harmed” because I can do something that makes me feel good. So let me go and insult someone and feel good about it :k:
Morality makes sense again. 
By the way, you’re quite wrong with that hadith and the historical details. The Prophet was ready to assist Fatima (R) with a divorce if Ali (R) went through with his second marriage. Hence Ali (R) decided not to go for the second marriage. If it was his right, and he was not Islamically wrong in that situation, the Prophet (SAW) would never have opposed him, and rather would have admonished his daughter. Just like you’ve admonished women prohibiting their husbands from getting married a second time around as being “disobedient” to their husband. Why didn’t the Prophet just scold his daughter instead?
Re: Multiple Wives
I once took an Islamic theology class at the university level and I had some friends who had taken similar classes. There is a theory on polygamy that we studied, which was that polygamy is meant strictly for men who are taking in orphans and widows as their wives. In other words, lets say your first wife is someone from a decent affluent family or whatever. Then earthquake hits Pakistan and there are so many orphans, etc and people are dying of hunger and the cold, and so you take someone into your household as a second wife. That’s Islamically permissable, and unfortunately RARELY practiced.
Here is an article that explains the logic and the Quranic tafseer on why it is thought the polygamy verse relates only to orphans and widows, or just women who don’t have any male to financially take care of them, and they can’t sustain themselves.
It also has reference to the bibi Fatima incident that I’m talking about. Please read through the whole thing if you’re seriously interested in the topic. Ali (R) was prohibited twice from taking on a second wife.
Piece this together with the Prophet’s own marriages, of which the only non-widow, non-orphan wife that the Prophet took was Bibi Aisha (R), that should help out.
And don’t ever forget to take the ayah that strictly prohibits you from marrying based on lust into account as well.