^its interesting that I want to have a vaginal birth to avoid the recovery pain associated with a c-section. I had a c-section because my baby’s heart rate kept dropping (so medically needed.) now will I be considered selfish for choosing a VBAC ( vaginal birth after cesarean), because that too will put my baby in danger.
The reason I am concerning is because I didn’t get to spent time with my new born right away. I didn’t see him or hold him for almost 2-3 hours after the surgery.
Also wanted to point out that here is Houston, TX before full term, you can’t have a c-section unless medically needed.
C-section is not done to alleviate the pain of chidbirth. c-section is done because sometimes normal labor is not possible or too complicated. c-section recovery is far more painful and no woman or ob/gyn will recommend c-section as an alternative to vaginal birth to avoid painful labor.
i agree breastmilk is the best nutrition for the baby, i was talking about your comment regarding women not wanting to go through painful labor as being somehow selfish.
labor itself is a very dangerous process, doesn’t mean women should avoid it all together and never have babies. same anesthesia is also given during major surgeries, do you think the risks of anesthesia outweigh the benefit of not feeling pain when you are being cut open?
if epidural is available which can reduce the labor pain significantly, will you call that selfish? Maybe, im not understanding your point. why should a woman have to go through pain if there is alternatives available?
sad. why should anyone bear pain if they have an option to alleviate pain? sounds ridiculously sadistic to me. Since they will never have to deal with such pain, so easy for them to dictate how women should just ‘bear’ the pain.
You don’t need to prove anything like that … There is no need to read between the lines and arrive at erroneous conclusions regarding “me” as a Muslim man … my initial point has always been that we should assist nature … but be aware that some of our interventions are less beneficial and may create harms in other ways so they need to be done in certain circumstances - I’m merely saying that C-section is not an alternative to natural child birth it is and should be viewed as a medical work around IF there are complications in the natural way … Regarding pain relief during the natural way of course various methods are good … some good methods include posture i.e. all fours and environment such as water births and it also includes pethidine and epidural and entonox.
The wording of some women here agree with me … and those who don’t want to - because I am a man will use that wild card against me.
BTW to stress again - where we can ease pain knowing the side-effects we can opt for that … I think anyone who chooses to bear pain is quite crazy - I have heard of stories of both women and men who choose not to have pain relief during certain procedures … although I don’t see it necessarily as “good” one does sort of put their hat off to them …
i dont knwo about others but i can comment for myself, when my baby was bor i was all alone not even huby just me n baby (due to some accidents), no one as there to guide me, i bf two days in hospital wth the help of nurse, i came home milk supply was not established and my baby used a lot because of hunger i was not able to see all this i used to give bottle to calm her down, i still tried bf but by then my bay refused bc may be bottle was more easy.
ppl still blame me i didnt make effort i know i did wht i think was best for my baby.
this post might be a tad off topic…but accept it or not..it is stating some truth!
They are unfortunately way too many ‘modern’ and ‘independent’ women who will not leave a chance to remind their EHSAN of working to provide for a family and who will also easily taunt the non working women for their apparently easy life. I personally find these women ridiculous ! we work and lead a career because we want to! No strong headed woman can be forced to work and provide for the household. so why brag about all the extra efforts a working woman does? The nonsense arguments make working women like poor jihadist.
And before people say I am pendu or whatever ..I am a working women , with a career that I intend to continue after marriage and possibly after kids. But hey, my point is..if it is my choice then I accept it and deal with it without degrading everyone else around me. And YES, they are down side of being a career woman when it comes to family (espc kids) … but again..it does not mean I start accusing the house wives of having it easy !
As far as the breasfeeding is concerned, I am pro BF and if I am physically fit to do it in the future, then I would do so hopefully.
I think women on both sides are very sensitive to this issue.
Can someone explain WHY a working woman would not get offended when critisized? WHY a working woman’s parenting skills are always up for debate? Her choices are ALWAYS questioned?
Explain WHY she would NOT get pissed off and tell people…I do this because I need to. Because I spent half of my life studying and no one has the right to point fingers at me unless they walk in my shoes. Parenting is not something ANY woman takes lightly. You call someone a bad mom because she works and she’s supposed to…do what? Give you a hug? Thank you?
Are people expecting silence?
Even more importantly…why bother trying to explain anything? Especially to men who think a woman’s place is in the labor room without an epidural because she is after…fitnah.
As for being modern and independent…there’s NOTHING wrong with being either one. There’s no reason any woman should feel embarrassed because she didn’t breastfeed or works.
Lastly…the entire point behind these long discussions that people keep making is DO NOT judge unless you walk in someone’s shoes.
Breastfeeding is good - DUH. Staying home with my kid all day would be great - DUH. But for some women its not an option. For those who feel the need to lash out at them - deal with it.
I don’t know guys, these days there is HUGE push to exclusively breastfeed amongst the women I know, particularly in the US. It was the older generation that I found to be more doubtful and surprised about new mothers’ dedication to nursing.
But I do think people need to get over their inhibitions about nursing in public and need to be careful about saying/doing things that would discourage it.
In the UK, it is highly pushed as well. I heard that the government also offered a £200 coupon for all mums who decide to breasfeed. Not sure how much this is truth in real though.
I am a working lady as well darling, my sister is a working mum, my mother has always been a career women yet left her job for long periods when family needed her…and i have never heard my mum or my sister taunt others non working women or even compare their way of life with theirs. In my surrounding , women study and work, some become housewives others carry on with their career. But never it has been seen as a big deal like women are making it into nowadays. Being a working a women is not a Mission Kashmir so please calm down ladies! No one can ever say it is harder to be working mum than a housewife. If a man or a housewife comment on your lifestyle, they don’t necessarily assume you should be doormat or your place is only in the labour room without epidural. A comment is not always nasty. I have noted that many British Asian working women are so defensive and seem to take all their anger or frustration of a tired life on other people who pass a mere comment or state their opinion. Each has their own opinions and . You had yours now deal with it without attacking the counterparty and enjoy a civilized discussion on difference of opinions. Don’t behave the way you don’t like others to behave or your years of hard working in education has been wasted big time!
Ps/ I can only talk about British Asians as I live in London and I do observe the difference between the European born Asians and the British Asians mentality at times.
This forum is a place for discussion. If you’re here to tell people to shut up, you are welcome to leave. If you’re here to say that only certain people are entitled to hold opinions, again, you’re welcome to leave. If you are unable to handle disagreements in a civil manner, LEAVE.
You are posting online in a virtual community. Taking ANYTHING posted here personally is incredibly silly. There is no reason to get worked up and defensive or to feel personally attacked. Express your point of view and experience and accept the fact that people have different points of view and experiences. Say what you gotta say in order to give people perspective, but then move on and let it go. It is up to them to take or leave what they read. [/mod]
Its interesting that whole piles of posts attacking people for not being mothers were left untouched, while a litle sarcastic hashtag got all that lecture
The thread still not locked, even though i requested it a while ago. I have seen threads getting locked on OPs request.
I request again to lock this thread and/or remove the posts relating to c-sections (offtopic) and personal attacks on others (accusations of troll, not being a mother, so on and so forth).
^ I did not see your lock request. And no, threads are not always locked upon requests.
I left posts in which people were expressing their opinions as part of the discussion. I removed posts that served no purpose. I did not miss the sarcasm in your posts.
it is funny how we are arguing when we are actually on the same page. i do have a different way of reacting to such remarks made about working women/mums. i usually ignore any nasty remarks and listen carefully to the critics. some says that the working women sacrifice their personal time with kids to be at work…so? isnt it true? we are missing out on family time at many occasions..it is a fact..so why argue?
and i dont think the ‘abdc’ poster has mentioned anywhere in his post that we were sinning. he was just venting his frustration of the complainers and attackers aka working women.
