Did i say that? Huh. Why are you playing such a chamcha to your frnd. Don't you have a life of your own? Waise i highly doubt you do.
Did u guys post any Quranic reference when i askd you? No nah. For me there is not only a single reference from Quran but the whole of it which propogates family system. So if you want i can mail you the Quran if you cant afford it yourself.
There are literally a million references from top scholars saying it's better not to live in a joint family but you're choosing to ignore them cos it doesn't match up with ur point of view (what does 'the BIL is death mean' to you??).. Why not post just ONE reference from a reputable Islamic source to try and prove ur point that the joint family is preferred?? Oh yeah, you can't.
Seeing as tho u've been saying all along that Islam favours the joint family shouldn't the onus be on you to prove it with actual verses from the Qur'an cos it's basic Islamic logic that if something is not allowed or considered unfavourable it is mentioned in there, not the other way round (yet all u've come up with is vague references to how son should live near them ie. not necessarily in his parents home) along with ur own opinion that parents are not respected or looked after properly if son and DIL are not living with them.
NOWHERE in the Qur'an or hadith is the joint family system propagated.
If that was the case why is it practically only desis who have the DIL move into the inlaws home after marriage, not Arabs, South-East Asian Muslims or African Muslims?? The joint family system is a **Hindu **concept, not a Muslim one. Can't understand why some ppl are having so much trouble getting their heads around that..
IF you are hoping my inlaws will be after my life and making my life hell, then hell yes i wl change my mind. I never said the dils are obligated to tolerate their inlaws torture too. All that i said was that its wrong to want to move out even if everything is fine. Don't want to move out if my mil doesnt let me select everyday what the menu is or if i have to inform her if i am going somewhere and when wl i come. I think these are petty issues to leave such valuable relationships for.
And how many people do you think move out even after everything is fine?
I have lived in a joint family wid one kitchen one drawing room..and two bedrooms each for me n my sis in law(one for us and one for the kids)and one bedroom for the eldest bro,he is still unmarried,...alhamdulilah we did this for 17 yrs..we are now both living in 5/6 bed homes independently,and we miss the company wen we used to sit together as a family esp iftari's or wen we wud catch up on gossip at breakfast without the men...lol...
we had our fair share of hard times n disagreements and 7 kids in one house isn't easy...but tolerance and compromise is the main way that helps make life easy and give each other space to do thr own thing...
thr are two main things i need to tell u here....
1.both mother in law and father in law died b4 either of us wr married but wr alive for our engagements..
2.I,m a british muslim living in pakistan..and never visited, lived in pak b4 marriage...I had my stuggles,but today alhumdolilah,my eldest is married and son is in uni so only youngest to look after....now looking for my own bahu...so hope the girls of today can live in tolerance and compassion
too..
Thank-you. U said it all beautifully. I only wish there were more people like you and sadly our society is becoming too westernized for this where as people like you who are from west have become so homely.
Kuddos to you.
Does that mean Muslims in the Middle-East, Malaysia, Indonesia, parts of Africa etc. are all westernised as well because the DIL doesn't move in with her inlaws after marriage??
That's basically everyone except Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi Muslims.. (see the common theme :D)
And how many people do you think move out even after everything is fine?
Well majority wants that. Its not abt whether they succed in getting what they want but why have a wrong desire? Even before they step in their new home, they have plans of moving out. THAT is what i find wrong.
Well majority wants that. Its not abt whether they succed in getting what they want but why have a wrong desire? Even before they step in their new home, they have plans of moving out. THAT is what i find wrong.
Okay, so a desire to have your own home and privacy is wrong. Why do you think it's wrong?
Maham, so u think they have just made all that up or are somehow deficient in Islamic knowledge?? Says it all
As I said there is NO evidence anywhere that any sahaba or Islamic figure lived with his parents after marriage in their home, if this is such a big thing, how could that be??
Countless pieces of advice not favouring the joint family and not one in support of it..
Okay, so a desire to have your own home and privacy is wrong. Why do you think it's wrong?
1) Why cant your inlaws home be your own? Dont we take our parents home as our own. We do nah.
2) Privacy? Lol. What kind of privacy are we talking about here? I didnt say the dil should be living in the same room as their inlaws or anything of that sorts. Arent we able to maintain our privacy at our parents home even with our father n brothers around? So why does it becomes so difficult with the inlaws?
privacy when you're single and privacy when you're married is very very different. you will know when you're married :) things can get really uncomfortable if the house everyone is living in isnt big enough...
Ok. Maybe. But if the house is not big enough then i wl assume they dont have the means for it. In that case, how wl the guy provide for a seperate accomodation?.
If we want to find reasons to not wanting to live with inlaws we wl find millions but i believe everyone from inside knows wats the truth. And i just hope they have not gone to that extreeme where their inside alarm has stopped working :).
That's it for me now. You guys are most welcome to believe what you want to believe, i wl believe what i think is right. If you think its wrong, be my guest :) But i think its immature to keep at this discussion when clearly nothing positive is coming out of it.
1) Why cant your inlaws home be your own? Dont we take our parents home as our own. We do nah.
I don't think our parents' home is our own home or may it's ours until the parents are alive, once they're gone the house gets divided. So if our own parents' house isn't really ours then what can I say about someone else's parents' house?
2) Privacy? Lol. What kind of privacy are we talking about here? I didnt say the dil should be living in the same room as their inlaws or anything of that sorts. Arent we able to maintain our privacy at our parents home even with our father n brothers around? So why does it becomes so difficult with the inlaws?
Yeah well, privacy in case of sexual relationships.
That's it for me now. You guys are most welcome to believe what you want to believe, i wl believe what i think is right. If you think its wrong, be my guest :) But i think its immature to keep at this discussion when clearly nothing positive is coming out of it.
Time to close the thread then? Because it seems to me you're not interested in a discussion. Many people here say it depends on the situation, it's not about choosing one person over another, etc. But you are the one pinpointing everyone who chooses a different lifestyle as "wrong." Your question makes it seem like choosing to live apart from inlaws is all about evil DILs drawing their dutiful husbands away from their mothers. The logic in your question is flawed. Human relationships don't work that way, and certainly marriage doesn't -- unless of course you choose to make every decision like it's a competition. And then you'll have to bear the consequences.
So how about it, shall I close this thread, as you suggested? Frankly, the premise is foollish.
Time to close the thread then? Because it seems to me you're not interested in a discussion. Many people here say it depends on the situation, it's not about choosing one person over another, etc. But you are the one pinpointing everyone who chooses a different lifestyle as "wrong." Your question makes it seem like choosing to live apart from inlaws is all about evil DILs drawing their dutiful husbands away from their mothers. The logic in your question is flawed. Human relationships don't work that way, and certainly marriage doesn't -- unless of course you choose to make every decision like it's a competition. And then you'll have to bear the consequences.
So how about it, shall I close this thread, as you suggested? Frankly, the premise is foollish.
When i made this topic i very well knew there were gonna be diff opinions and i was fine with that. Its only that when people make pathetic comments like, has any child died cuz of nt having grandparents around. That's when they get that harsh response bk. I never said it was pathar ki laker that what my views are have to be followed. I did mention various times that i was not talking about situations where the dil is being put beaten or even verbaly abused. But maybe you guys only read what u want to read. Bt dont try yr smart ass justifications with me.
You are the mod here, if you think this topic is going nowhere than by all means close it.
Girls, why is it hard to swallow if someone (ok Maham) want to live with her in-laws peacefully or at least she want to give it a try? there is nothing wrong in it. If someone is trying something out of the way, she should be appreciated instead of "oh you will change your mind" chants
I think it greatly depends on the relationship and person. Someone should not get into the relationship with prejudice in mind.
and for Maham, you can go ahead and try living with your in-law and make your hubby happy and take some duaeen but rest assured, if you ever need, Islam has allowed you to have your own home.
^ I agree. One of my cousins insisted on living with inlaws even when they did not want it. Worked out well for them!
The point is there is no right/wrong choice in a general sense. It depends on individual circumstances. And no adults should put each other in a position to choose spouse or parent, as the original poster did.
Girls, why is it hard to swallow if someone (ok Maham) want to live with her in-laws peacefully or at least she want to give it a try? there is nothing wrong in it. If someone is trying something out of the way, she should be appreciated instead of "oh you will change your mind" chants
I think it greatly depends on the relationship and person. Someone should not get into the relationship with prejudice in mind.
and for Maham, you can go ahead and try living with your in-law and make your hubby happy and take some duaeen but rest assured, if you ever need, Islam has allowed you to have your own home.
my 2 cents :)
Lolz. Thanks. But i don't think my inlaws home cant be mine, it def wl be if all goes well. InshaAllah. AND just to clear, i would want to live in with the inlaws to just please my husband, ofcourse i had hope that had make him happy, but i just happen to believe in the joint family system and i see alot of good in it :).
Lolz. Thanks. But i don't think my inlaws home cant be mine, it def wl be if all goes well. InshaAllah. AND just to clear, i would want to live in with the inlaws to just please my husband, ofcourse i had hope that had make him happy, but i just happen to believe in the joint family system and i see alot of good in it :).
To each his own. And hopefully it will work out for you. And in the event that you do encounter challenges, it might open your mind to understanding why some people prefer to live separately. Pros/Cons in every situation. For some people, relationships are better maintained when there's distance. Live and let others live.
