Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
^ Mashallah. That sounds so sweet :)
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
Look at all you women ganging up on Maham because her opinion differs from yours 
Bravo!
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
Maham Zindabad....fight till death :)
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
I won't hesitate for one second to marry a girl who thinks like maham. Maham is coming out strong because her tendency to be positive and work things with her future husband and their in-laws in the future is simply worth tributing.
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
I cant believe how you people need references in the Quran to make your point.
How about you judge the situation at hand and see what the best solution is. We have all been given brains. Use them.
This stuff just boggles me.
People in teh world dont have food to eat, and we're here arguing about our rights to a separate home.
Our kaum has no sharam
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
^Bravo sadzzz!.
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
Huh. Excuse me? Has any women died from lack of a seperate accomodation? I don't think so. So then why such a dire need for that but not this.
Honey, you're not married are you?! How about you wait, actually get married, practice what you preach and then come back and contribute in this thread. I'm 100% sure your viewpoint would have taken a 180 degree turn.
All these girls hemming and hawing about how they don't want their husbands to live separately from their parents, I can swear on my life are all unmarried, naive girls sitting at home watching too many Indian dramas and Bollywood movies and dream of being the next "Tulsi" from Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu thi. The truth is, in reality and practicality living in a joint family system in the long term is not what ANY woman wants. NONE. I have yet to meet a married woman who likes the institution. So grow up, get some actual life experience and then talk.
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
I cant believe how you people need references in the Quran to make your point.
How about you judge the situation at hand and see what the best solution is. We have all been given brains. Use them.
This stuff just boggles me.
People in teh world dont have food to eat, and we're here arguing about our rights to a separate home.
Our kaum has no sharam
Maham asked for religious references as she (bizarrely) doesn't believe that Islam discourages the joint family setup..
Yes, there are ppl in the world who don't have food to eat but I can't see why that means we shouldn't have a valid discussion on the subject of living with inlaws, esp when it seems to be the cause of so many marital problems and disagreements in desi families.. Something that might not be deemed 'important' enough to talk about by you isn't necessarily no big deal to the next girl..
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wow, ..6 pages of non-sense and bs.
Well if wife has some legitimate concerns about living separately that can be addressable. But just taking everything for granted is pure BS. What i felt from reading all these pages, that chicks just concern about their rights, what about guy responsibility towards his parents & siblings.
What about him if he want to see his mom/dad face when he wakeup and before sleep? In our culture when a son is going to married, parents are already pretty old. Probably few years left for them on planet earth. Instead of regretting rest of life, when you wasn't their when they needed you most. The people are lowest in my eyes who just left the home so they can have full-house of privacy and the lady who just run from the responsibility of taking care. Low life losers !
Can someone please put into my brain what a wife going to do in 2 canal house alone? She wanna live in a hole, so be it. But hey lady my brain is still intact i would like to have 6 other people with me on dinner table, instead of your "saari hoi bothi".
Very well said. And this is precisely what i have been trying to say all the while but i think you said it alot better and in a calm way so hopefuly these people wl understand.
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Well who says your views are right either? They're called opinions, not "facts", where you get so worked up and say nasty things to those who have a different view than you.
Do you? I have yet to see you post a single Quranic reference.
Did i say that? Huh. Why are you playing such a chamcha to your frnd. Don't you have a life of your own? Waise i highly doubt you do.
Did u guys post any Quranic reference when i askd you? No nah. For me there is not only a single reference from Quran but the whole of it which propogates family system. So if you want i can mail you the Quran if you cant afford it yourself.
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ROTFLMAO!!!
I love when women debate.
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
I cant believe how you people need references in the Quran to make your point.
How about you judge the situation at hand and see what the best solution is. We have all been given brains. Use them.
This stuff just boggles me.
People in teh world dont have food to eat, and we're here arguing about our rights to a separate home.
Our kaum has no sharam
humari her baat mazhab ka saath shruh hoti hai. jo baat aap nay kahy buhat achee kahi. meri dua hai pakistaniyun ko aap ki batoon per amal kerain
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
Maham
I'm sure you'll change your opinion regarding living with inlaws after your marriage.
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
Maham, if you prefer to live with your in-laws (which has it's challenges) then MashaAllah more power to you. Living with the in-laws doesn't guarantee that a balance will be maintained........neither does living away from the in-laws. My intention is not to offend. BUT....you say that everyone is open/free to answer your question the way they want and explain it the way they feel. So, you're basically encouraging people people to share their individual opinions. HOWEVER......when someone posts that they prefer to live away from their in-laws OR that Islam does not require women to live with in-laws..............your response toward that member carries a somewhat defensive/taunting tone....as if you're chiding (daant-ing) the person for wanting to live separately or for saying that joint-family is not an obligation. Yes, it's clear that you support living with in-laws............but if you're not fully comfortable with individual opinions.........then the question (in my opinion) should not be worded in a way that "welcomes" opinions. Instead, your original post should have clearly stated your stance on the matter...and then invited others to either agree or disagree with your stance.
You do what you feel is best for you. You want to marry a guy who prefers living with parents...then inshaAllah you'll find a compatible partner. How SOMEONE ELSE (male or female) chooses to live after marriage.... is not going to affect your marriage or your own home. They're entitled to their opinions and living arrangements. To each his own. We're all accountable for what we do and will be judged individually. Those that DO live away from in-law are not necessarily bad people. Everyone is different. Maybe they are better able to take care of family when there is distance. It reminds me of the example of my taaya. He moved to a separate home. This distance allowed for a more peaceful maintenance of relationships. And my grandparents never felt that he was a "bad" son. Rather....when my dada was on his deathbed......he praised all three of his sons for being so dutiful. That said.....obligations can still be fulfilled even if one lives away from the in-laws. Everyone is different. What might work for one person may not for another.
I believe what Diamond was saying is that a husband has greater obligation toward taking care of his parents than his wife does......but she also mentioned that out of humanity....and being a decent human being......the wife should show consideration for the parents as well.
Does death have to be ONLY sign that one is miserable or in pain? Does one have to wait for death to take place? I think that's a very simplified question. A woman might not have died from lack of a separate accommodation but perhaps the abuse she may be suffering (from in-laws) is taking a toll on her physical/mental well-being and affecting her marriage.
I am sorry if i was harsh in my tone but if you had noticed my tone got that only for posts where stupid things were said to justify their stand. I dont care whether they live with their in laws or not, what does it do to me? But i find it hard to understand when they are giving such stupid justifications.
Why are you saying to me that death doest have to be the only sign that one is miserable or in pain? Did u not c that it was in response to what somebody had posted here. That no child has ever died for not having grandparents around everyday? Now was that an appropriate thing to say? Now howcome all that is ok with u all to read but what i wrote is highlighted? pls i had like to know why this difference.
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ROTFLMAO!!!
I love when women debate.
acha tu aap lo larai kertay huay achee lagti hain ta keh kissi per marham ka phumba rakh sakoo.
hope you are ok meray daies kay baasi
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Maham, why are u so against a DIL not living with her inlaws?
I am against the reasons being presented for it. The justifications given for it.
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Maham sweetie, I feel horrible for your bhabi! May Allah grant her sabr and strength, Ameen.
:=) Thanks for your concern. But i think you should rather be more concerned about your family life which according to me won't be all bed of roses if you keep thinking the way you do. All the best.
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
you yourself said that wife has duties towards husband and VICE VERSA.
Does parents in law have any duty towards DIL ? no right ? then how can Allah place duties on DIL to serve parents in law when He Almighty has not placed any duty on parents in law.
In every relationship Allah has kept both Huqooq & Faraiz (Responsibilities & Rights) but in relationship of Parents in law with DIL or SIL there are neither huqooq nor any faraiz. As far as my knowledge about Islam is there is not a single relationship in our religion where there are only huqooq without any faraiz or only faraiz without any huqooq. Even in parent & child relationship there are both. But in our society DIL just have faraiz with no huqooq at all.
Why not. I absolutely think the inlaws have so many obligations and duties towards their dils and sils, esp the dil cuz hopefuly she is part of their family. They should provide her a comfortable home, environment and lots of love so that it becomes easy for her to adjust to her new family, new home. They have to be understanding towards her and do their best to make her feel comfortable and at ease.
I dont know where are you guys getting all these ideas from? We have obligations towards our neighbours, our helpers, maids, friends so what makes you think we dont have obligations for our dils.
Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.
Maham
I'm sure you'll change your opinion regarding living with inlaws after your marriage.
IF you are hoping my inlaws will be after my life and making my life hell, then hell yes i wl change my mind. I never said the dils are obligated to tolerate their inlaws torture too. All that i said was that its wrong to want to move out even if everything is fine. Don't want to move out if my mil doesnt let me select everyday what the menu is or if i have to inform her if i am going somewhere and when wl i come. I think these are petty issues to leave such valuable relationships for.
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Maham you are awesome :k: