I never said one cant strike a balance but unfortunately most don't.
And i just put up a question, everyone is open 2 answer it the way they want and explain it the way they feel.
Maham, if you prefer to live with your in-laws (which has it's challenges) then MashaAllah more power to you. Living with the in-laws doesn't guarantee that a balance will be maintained........neither does living away from the in-laws. My intention is not to offend. BUT....you say that everyone is open/free to answer your question the way they want and explain it the way they feel. So, you're basically encouraging people people to share their individual opinions. HOWEVER......when someone posts that they prefer to live away from their in-laws OR that Islam does not require women to live with in-laws..............your response toward that member carries a somewhat defensive/taunting tone....as if you're chiding (daant-ing) the person for wanting to live separately or for saying that joint-family is not an obligation. Yes, it's clear that you support living with in-laws............but if you're not fully comfortable with individual opinions.........then the question (in my opinion) should not be worded in a way that "welcomes" opinions. Instead, your original post should have clearly stated your stance on the matter...and then invited others to either agree or disagree with your stance.
You do what you feel is best for you. You want to marry a guy who prefers living with parents...then inshaAllah you'll find a compatible partner. How SOMEONE ELSE (male or female) chooses to live after marriage.... is not going to affect your marriage or your own home. They're entitled to their opinions and living arrangements. To each his own. We're all accountable for what we do and will be judged individually. Those that DO live away from in-law are not necessarily bad people. Everyone is different. Maybe they are better able to take care of family when there is distance. It reminds me of the example of my taaya. He moved to a separate home. This distance allowed for a more peaceful maintenance of relationships. And my grandparents never felt that he was a "bad" son. Rather....when my dada was on his deathbed......he praised all three of his sons for being so dutiful. That said.....obligations can still be fulfilled even if one lives away from the in-laws. Everyone is different. What might work for one person may not for another.
Huh? So did the husband raise the wife? lolz. Nahin na but even then the wife has tremendous duties for the husband and vice versa.
I believe what Diamond was saying is that a husband has greater obligation toward taking care of his parents than his wife does......but she also mentioned that out of humanity....and being a decent human being......the wife should show consideration for the parents as well.
Huh. Excuse me? Has any women died from lack of a seperate accomodation? I don't think so. So then why such a dire need for that but not this.
Does death have to be ONLY sign that one is miserable or in pain? Does one have to wait for death to take place? I think that's a very simplified question. A woman might not have died from lack of a separate accommodation but perhaps the abuse she may be suffering (from in-laws) is taking a toll on her physical/mental well-being and affecting her marriage.
Most cultures (inc Muslim ones) would find this level of over-attachment and unwillingness of a guy to move out of his parents' home a bit creepy..
As far as I know none of the Prophet Mohammed's (PBUH) companions stayed in their parents' homes after marriage and of course there are hijab and privacy issues as well as the saying 'the brother-in-law is death' so I can't see where this extreme minority view of 'it's preferred in Islam' could come from..
He presumed the benevolent condescension in this world would be compensated with far more attractive women (in the form of hoorain) in the after life. I'm just guessing here.
You know what, nothing wrong in wanting to live with in laws. but to call others beigharat for what they want and getting all hot headed, well that just bottles my mind (brownies for you if you get that refernce)
Huh? So did the husband raise the wife? lolz. Nahin na but even then the wife has tremendous duties for the husband and vice versa.
you yourself said that wife has duties towards husband and VICE VERSA.
Does parents in law have any duty towards DIL ? no right ? then how can Allah place duties on DIL to serve parents in law when He Almighty has not placed any duty on parents in law.
In every relationship Allah has kept both Huqooq & Faraiz (Responsibilities & Rights) but in relationship of Parents in law with DIL or SIL there are neither huqooq nor any faraiz. As far as my knowledge about Islam is there is not a single relationship in our religion where there are only huqooq without any faraiz or only faraiz without any huqooq. Even in parent & child relationship there are both. But in our society DIL just have faraiz with no huqooq at all.
Also, whether someone else chooses to live with parents or live away from them....will not have any bearing/influence over your life.
Opinions poochnay ka kya faaida......if the person who does not choose your lifestyle....will receive disapproval for it? Why ask people who they would pick if one will get upset if they don't pick the "right" (in other words YOUR) choice?
Who is a good son/daughter/bahu..........leave that judgment to Allah.....because judgment is a very complicated thing to do and can involve many factors. Better to concentrate on oneself.
Can wife stop husband from taking care of parents at old age? Lets say taking them to Dr, stopping at their place for 20/30 min before coming to home every day? I can tell you most of the wives will have problem with that too. Just like wife has a right to have her own place, isn't it FARZ on husband to take care of his parents.
PS: I am in no way denying right of separate living of wife. I am just advancing the discussion. I think we all know right of separate housing is given to Girl by religion too.
No wife CAN NOT & SHOULD NOT stop her husband from taking care of his parents. It is FARZ on a son / daughter to take care of his/her parents. It's a farz put on son/daughter by Allah and who so ever does not fulfil this farz will pay back for it.....No matter how much a daughter or a son do khidmaat of their parents it's never enough.
and no matter how many siblings one has , you are responsible for your own deeds. They take care of parents or not it's their amaal but having a sibling does not reduce your duty towards parents.
The BEST is to request wife for support when it comes to parents. Like I said forget that they are parents in law out of insaaniyat too we can do many things. But that insaaniyat should be reciprocated and parents in law should also treat DIL like a daughter otherwise things can NEVER work out......this is just my opinion.
I was eldest son of small business owner, without much education beyond high school thus no career option outside family business.
My mom was too dominating (although she was the one who chose her for me when i was young) but i feel some sort jealousy set into her after my marriage.
It was few tough years, (although i know mom was wrong but) literally keep pushing my wife to accept moms term. But quietly exploring opportunities when i could break free from shackles without having fight.
Thanks Allah, during a business trip an opportunity presented itself, i seek my fathers approval for that venture (he was not expecting project to materialize successfully, no wanting to upset me he said ok), but Allah make things work for me.
Now living happily with my wife and children in peace, when more children married, and she dealt few more DILs then she learnt how to appreciate my wife. It was tough, but thanks Allah i made right thing without burning any bridge.
She was loving mother/grandmother. Even that time she was having trouble with my wife, but she still want to make sure that it would not destroy of marriage, resulting whenever i angry with my wife she always support her.
Mom passed away last year (May Allah bless her with Rehmat).
I have lived in a joint family wid one kitchen one drawing room..and two bedrooms each for me n my sis in law(one for us and one for the kids)and one bedroom for the eldest bro,he is still unmarried,...alhamdulilah we did this for 17 yrs..we are now both living in 5/6 bed homes independently,and we miss the company wen we used to sit together as a family esp iftari's or wen we wud catch up on gossip at breakfast without the men...lol...
we had our fair share of hard times n disagreements and 7 kids in one house isn't easy...but tolerance and compromise is the main way that helps make life easy and give each other space to do thr own thing...
thr are two main things i need to tell u here....
1.both mother in law and father in law died b4 either of us wr married but wr alive for our engagements..
2.I,m a british muslim living in pakistan..and never visited, lived in pak b4 marriage...I had my stuggles,but today alhumdolilah,my eldest is married and son is in uni so only youngest to look after....now looking for my own bahu...so hope the girls of today can live in tolerance and compassion
too..
:k: