and if sisters and brothers are not doing their part, should he also leave alone parents?
Personally, I will not like this pre-condition/term from my wife. my relationship with my parents is independent of my what my brother and sister does or dont
It does not matter what anyone else's relationship is like with your parents...your job is to care for them.
Similarly, a nand cannot get angry with her bhabi for not doing things nand should be doing for her own parents.
If there are 4 children in a home...each one of them - boy or girl - has a responsibility towards his/her parents. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. No one is exempt...not even the daughters. The daughters cannot expect their new bhabi to do their part. No, it doesnt work like that.
If husband wants to stop by, take them to doctor's appointments, have them over for dinner, take them out on the weekend, take them to HAJJ, help them out, etc etc etc...that is his RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY. Absolutely! Wife cannot stop him from being there for his parents.
But if she wants a space of her own in which she can be free, no takalluf, just her and her kids at night...what is wrong with that? Why the big fuss? Why does it have to be either/or? Why can people not have both?
Well no im really pissed. Why these so called "modern" women cant just admit this is what they want and dnt try to trick making it as what is to be done. Howcome they r so sure about their rights but as soon as you askd abt the husbands duties for his parents, nobody bothered to address that. That's super hypocrasy.
Lol. Nice try. Just admit that your opinion has nothing to do with what Islam says and its all fine. Your life, your choice but i really do pity whoevers family you get into cuz you seriously have super weird thinking.
Still waiting what you have to say to Decent's question. Dont trick yourself by going into all this bashan, just admit that you are also one of the many complexed women who think they can have their way all the time. But i am sorry to burst your bubble, not all husbands are as BHEGERAT as you perhaps want yours to be :) So goodluck.
Pathetic mentality. Your wives are Human beings and someone's daughter as well.. they are not disposable things that you can toss away whenever you want. When you treat someone's daughter that way, your own daughter may seal the same fate one day. Karma is a *****.
Def a year older than you :-) Btw, nice try again you can trick the rest bt not me. Good to see how all the while you didnt bother to address the question but just when i brought that out to notice, you reply :) Lolz. Bt guess what you r actually not tricking anyone but yourself only.
Well if wife has some legitimate concerns about living separately that can be addressable. But just taking everything for granted is pure BS. What i felt from reading all these pages, that chicks just concern about their rights, what about guy responsibility towards his parents & siblings.
What about him if he want to see his mom/dad face when he wakeup and before sleep? In our culture when a son is going to married, parents are already pretty old. Probably few years left for them on planet earth. Instead of regretting rest of life, when you wasn't their when they needed you most. The people are lowest in my eyes who just left the home so they can have full-house of privacy and the lady who just run from the responsibility of taking care. Low life losers !
Can someone please put into my brain what a wife going to do in 2 canal house alone? She wanna live in a hole, so be it. But hey lady my brain is still intact i would like to have 6 other people with me on dinner table, instead of your "saari hoi bothi".
There is a difference between what is ideal and what you have to face in day to day life. Who wouldn't want a nice home and great relationships but often times reality is different.
Sometimes its the inlaws who are being unresonable and some times its the wife and often times its the husband's fault. Guys your wife may be a bad person and just want to have you all by her self BUT your Mother is not an angel. She can be evil and bad too....your sister can be a witch who say nasty things about your wife and your mom may be lying when she says that your wife does not take care of her.
Don't get blinded by your emotions towards your mother and ignore your wife.
Def a year older than you :-) Btw, nice try again you can trick the rest bt not me. Good to see how all the while you didnt bother to address the question but just when i brought that out to notice, you reply :) Lolz. Bt guess what you r actually not tricking anyone but yourself only.
Yes Maham, I guess I cant trick you can I? You smart little cookie...:)
Guess what. I rather be a gaoon then be parhe likhay bhegerat log ;) you have fun being that.
Well if wife has some legitimate concerns about living separately that can be addressable. But just taking everything for granted is pure BS. What i felt from reading all these pages, that chicks just concern about their rights, what about guy responsibility towards his parents & siblings.
What about him if he want to see his mom/dad face when he wakeup and before sleep? In our culture when a son is going to married, parents are already pretty old. Probably few years left for them on planet earth. Instead of regretting rest of life, when you wasn't their when they needed you most. The people are lowest in my eyes who just left the home so they can have full-house of privacy and the lady who just run from the responsibility of taking care. Low life losers !
Can someone please put into my brain what a wife going to do in 2 canal house alone? She wanna live in a hole, so be it. But hey lady my brain is still intact i would like to have 6 other people with me on dinner table, instead of your "saari hoi bothi".
Well in the first post, the topic starter presented a situation where there are problems between the mother and the wife, both of them being at fault. If only one was at fault, it might be a different story but in this case it seems like they can't get along. In this context, I think moving out would be the best thing for everybody. It is the right of the wife, so unless a man really doesn't have the means, he shouldn't be denying her rights.
Moving out of your parents' house and into your own place doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be there for your parents or siblings if they need you. You could just move close by, not necessarily to another city or anything like that.
Well no im really pissed. Why these so called "modern" women cant just admit this is what they want and dnt try to trick making it as what is to be done. Howcome they r so sure about their rights but as soon as you askd abt the husbands duties for his parents, nobody bothered to address that. That's super hypocrasy.
It is the husband's duty. not specifically his wife's. But in a family everyone should do for others.
You are most welcome to believe what you want to believe but that doesnt mean its right.
Well who says your views are right either? They're called opinions, not "facts", where you get so worked up and say nasty things to those who have a different view than you.
Ive seen so many families where the nand will sit around and expect her bhabi to take care of her parents like she is now relieved of that responsibility. The fact is, she isnt.
That's wrong on teh part of the "nand." yes, if the bhabhi has proven to have a good character where she can be a good bahu and a good wife, its natural to feel that she will do a good job of taking care of the parents, but it's wrong to expect so much right after they get married.
THeek hai i w do that but before that you have to admit that you dont have any relevant Qurani reference to back up yr views with.
Do you? I have yet to see you post a single Quranic reference.
This thread is just turning into one big argument. Every woman has the right to decide if she wants to live with the in-laws or on her own. It is her choice because she has left everything and is moving in with her husband something which is and will be a life changing experience. So if they want to live alone then its better to let them not look down on them because of their decision. Every woman is not some toy to be manipulated into looking after the in-laws. As Reha has said the daughters/sons are reponsible for the care of their parents and it is wrong of the nand to think "oh bhabi is here now they are her responsibilty."
Everyone is going to have a different opinionn on this what may work for some will not for others so its better to respect that person's decision
Here is what I found on the Internet from the following sources:
“It is agreed in Islamic Shariah that a wife has the right of residence, clothing and expenditure. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means,…}[65:6]. It is also proved in many Ahadith. Therefore, if a woman suffers from being with her husband’s parents or some other relatives then it is the husband’s duty to provide her with an independent house to please her and lift any harm from her. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: ~There should be no harm, nor reciprocal harming~~. [al-Muattah] However, at the same time we would like to inform the enquiring sister that if her husband needs to be near his parents, or if they are in need of him to take care of them, in this case, she is not allowed to take him away causing them difficulties. **In fact, as it is compulsory on your husband to provide you a separate house it is also compulsory upon you to consider the situation of his parents. Finally, we draw your attention to the fact that every one should cooperate with his/her partner. **Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {…And do not forget liberality between yourselves. Truly, Allâh is All-Seer of what you do.}[2:237]. Allah knows best.”
"The wife has the right to live in separate accommodation with her husband and children, and not to share it with anyone, whether it is a father, a mother or a relative.
This is the view of most of the Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha’. She also has the right to refuse to live with his father, mother and siblings. "
^As mentioned by someone else....that sometimes the in-laws are the ones causing trouble.....and other times it can be the DIL.
From what I've read, it's not mandatory that a woman live with her husband's parents. Living away from the parents in itself isn't "un" Islamic....nor does it make the individuals bad people. There are situations where an extended family might live under one roof......and STILL fail to respect the elders or one another for that matter. And there are cases where relationships are better maintained when there is some distance. Proximity does not always guarantee respect or peace.
I think the source of contention is the word "pick" in the title. Nobody (male or female) should be placed in a situation where they are told to "pick" either their spouse or their parents. The two relationships are very different from one another and they both have different rights in Islam.
While it seems that a woman is not obligated to live with her in-laws......there's no excuse for disrespect either from her or the in-laws. It's not always possible to live separately. Maybe the husband's parents are ill....and very dependent upon him....and he needs to stay with them. In such a scenario, a woman does need to have some flexibility. Whether living with the in-laws OR away from them.....the husband has the responsibility to maintain a balance between the two relationships....and at the very least all parties should make the effort at showing respect/consideration (in various ways)...even if they're not too fond of one another.
