Mother or Wife? Pick One.

[anya]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

Why are people saying if wife & mother had a fight, they'll leave the wife...
what then..... marry again, wife & mother fight, leave the wife again...how many times are you going to do that??

mothers have their own place but how can anyone take marriage for granted?? its not a joke but the views here sure tells why divorce is high....

the guy should be blamed here...who doesnt know how to keep a balance between the two.
mostly the problem arise when the guys dump their parents' responsibilities on the girl instead of fulfilling it themselves...its not the girls responsibility, if she does it then she's doing a favour on you, your parents are your responsibility & your wife is your responsibility too

yes many times its the wife's fault too but thats where the guy should intervene & balance
all i know is a guy who doesnt have samajh, aqal, good judgement sense & is not stable enough to afford a wife & her responsibilities should not marry.....
she is not an object u like, bring into your house, cant control the situation, throw her out, bring in another one

& no u shouldnt be choosing between the two.....'coz its a no brainer that the mother wins in this
do people realize when the do nikkah that they are taking the girl & all her responsibility with God as the witness?? How is it so easy to throw away all this ??

[Maham]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

^ All that u said makes sense and infact im also of the view that its the guys fault majorly cuz he is not able to strike a balance while fulfilling boths rights and responsibilities. However i dont buy that the dil is nt suppose 2 look after her inlaws. That just doesnt make sense.

[Ma_Mooli]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

^ perhaps you should read up on marital rights and responsibilties in islam...especially if you're soon to be wed.

[anya]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

@Maham

^ All that u said makes sense and infact im also of the view that its the guys fault majorly cuz he is not able to strike a balance while fulfilling boths rights and responsibilities. However i dont buy that the dil is nt suppose 2 look after her inlaws. That just doesnt make sense.

I didnt say she shouldnt. Its not written anywhere that its her duty to do it. She does it out of respect & love & also coz she considers her husband’s parents as hers.

@Ma_Mooli

^ perhaps you should read up on marital rights and responsibilties in islam…especially if you’re soon to be wed.

:k:

[Maham]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

I didnt say she shouldnt. Its not written anywhere that its her duty to do it. She does it out of respect & love & also coz she considers her husband's parents as hers.

that is what i m failing to understand how can it nt be her duty to luk after her inlaws? if she is a housewife then she is the one who is responsible for the house n everyone living in it just like the guy has to provide for them.

anyway, take this discussion to the other topic where its already being discussed. lets nt go off topic here.

[Maham]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

^ perhaps you should read up on marital rights and responsibilties in islam...especially if you're soon to be wed.

I will def do that but i recommend you to review yrself too :)

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

@Maham

This is for all the boys out here; married or unmarried, like to hear both povs actually.

So if your wife and mother dont get along and you think both r partly to blame for it bt your wife wants to move out and live independently. So in that case what would u do and your reasons for doing it?

Since when "moving out with wife" mean wife over mother or "living in with mother" mean, Mother over wife?

I am living out of country with my wife, does that mean that I have chosen "wife over mother"?

What made you think that one can not strike a balance?

[fat_spartan]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

@Maham

This is for all the boys out here; married or unmarried, like to hear both povs actually.

So if your wife and mother dont get along and you think both r partly to blame for it bt your wife wants to move out and live independently. So in that case what would u do and your reasons for doing it?

If they can't get along, then I would move out and get separate accommodation, as long as I had the means. I wouldn't consider it choosing between one over the other though. From what I know, it is the right of the wife to have separate accommodation if she wants it. If they're quarreling constantly, then I don't think I'm doing either of them any favors by not getting separate accommodation (as long as I have the means to).

[flyinkiwi]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

Here's the thing: I can't replace my mother :P hint hint

[PrinceMS]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

@Manisha25

i've always heard men don't change after marriage

No silly - Quote is:
Woman marry men hoping they will change, and then never do!
Men marry women hoping they'll never change and they always do!

@Tklucky8

You mentioned that parents do all the hard work to raise their kids and kids move out in the end is not fair. Uhm excuse me what about girls. My parents and I am sure every parent works as hard to raise a girl as they do to raise a boy. Then why is it fair for a girl to move out leaving her parents alone? Why is it OKAY for girls to do that but its a Big No No for boys? What is the difference?

lol as Yoda said : "I sense a lot of anger in you, young sky walker" :p

Well the answer kinda goes back 1400 years. This little religion called Islam told "man" to take care of his family (wife n kids). Also told "woman" to make the house "a home" for the man and their kids (as her main priority - among other things).
M too lazy to write out all things - but if you follow the logic through, its kinda man's job to get a house and gives it to the woman. Now man's parents are already there (with the man) - so they stay put. Woman's parents should stay with their own son.
What if woman's parents don't have a son? Well they should definately move in with her (married) daughter.
Why don't they? Thats just logistics, feasibility and emotions complicating the situation (Mind you - exactly the same factors are responsible for guy's parents to be there).

Kinda obvious conclusion but I think I should re-iterate for our younger members: Religion has nothing to do with "logistics, feasibility and emotions" that determine if any of the parents should live with husband and wife. Religion only obligates the Man & Woman to take care of parents, according to sitauation - Its individual situation that determines if (either) parents should move in, require financial assistance and so on!

Remember Yoda (from star wars also said): "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering" :p

Why are people saying if wife & mother had a fight, they'll leave the wife... what then..... marry again, wife & mother fight, leave the wife again...how many times are you going to do that??

leaving marrige is Worst word in Quran!

You do know there is a way to end all divorces! Not kidding!

"#1 reason for all divorces (ever!) is ..... MARRIGE!"

you are a smart kid. You can put two and two together .. how NOT to have a divorces in this world :p

Edit: k I don't know if you are smart so M gonna say it lol : "No marrige, no divorce"

[nadz123]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

[quote=“Shak09”]

Problems arise when one relationship is given importance over others. Treat every relationship with ITS OWN RESPECT that it demands.

I’d want to live seperate from the start. My reasons:

• My parents are not dependent on anyone, both work and are self-sufficient. They’re perfectly happy with my thinking. So me ‘abandoning’ them is a useless argument, as I have a brother who will stay with them for the foreseeable future. And when the time requires or they need assistance (they meaning both a guy’s parent’s AND the girl’s) I’d happily step in.

• The girl, as I said earlier, is LEAVING HER HOME AND HER LIFE BEHIND, so to make it easier for HER to adapt and to make the new marriage work more smoothly i.e. getting to know each other better would be if the couple lives alone. There would be no politics or pressures or any expectations if the girl moved straight in the guy’s parents’ home

• Living separate does not equate the girl closing the door to inlaws :no: I have never heard or witnessed that :no:/

more men like you please…

[khawateen]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

mother or wife? is that even possible... we are talking about 2 VERY diff kinds of relationships... how can you pick and choose?

there are way way too many ifs and buts ..... this question goes really deep and there is no one answer.. but to just say oh who would u choose regardless... thats just wrong.

[diamond321]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

that is what i m failing to understand how can it nt be her duty to luk after her inlaws? if she is a housewife then she is the one who is responsible for the house n everyone living in it just like the guy has to provide for them.

anyway, take this discussion to the other topic where its already being discussed. lets nt go off topic here.

the wife is not required to take care of her husband's parents because they did not give birth to her , they did not raise her , educate her etc etc meaning they were not her parents. BUT insaniyaat aur ikhlaaq bhi koi cheez hoti hai and she can take care of them out of love & respect for them being elders . But they should also treat bahu with insaniyaat and ikhlaaq if she is treating them nicely because its not her duty.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

Is husband bound to get wife BlackBerry with Social/Data plan? Is husband bound to buy wife 10000Rs Dress on Eid? Does all this and other come under basic needs which he is bound to fulfill?

the wife is not required to take care of her husband's parents because they did not give birth to her , they did not raise her , educate her etc etc meaning they were not her parents. BUT insaniyaat aur ikhlaaq bhi koi cheez hoti hai and she can take care of them out of love & respect for them being elders . But they should also treat bahu with insaniyaat and ikhlaaq if she is treating them nicely because its not her duty.

[diamond321]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

Is husband bound to get wife BlackBerry with Social/Data plan? Is husband bound to buy wife 10000Rs Dress on Eid? Does all this and other come under basic needs which he is bound to fulfill?

ask a maulvi :) otherwise its completely upon husband only if he wants to buy those things for her....

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

cool! so my wife is not right in asking for BB9700

@diamond321

ask a maulvi otherwise its completely upon husband only if he wants to buy those things for her…

[diamond321]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

:(

[Reha]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

Every woman has the right to live her life the way she dreamt. Shaadi se pehle maa baap ki suno, shaadi ke baad saas susar ki suno...lol. The funny thing is, Islam entitles a woman to live on her own if she chooses. 90% of the time...these saas's dont live with their own inlaws...but they want their kids living with them.

There should be no reason to choose one...the son who was raised by the saas...should have been given the proper upbringing and not made into a mama's boy. Usually, its this "mera pyara sa bacha" attitude that ruins things for both parties later on.

You can pick one...the woman who raised you or the woman who will be the mother of your children...but it wont be easy and no one will be happy. There is no dire need to see grandparents on a daily basis...as far as I know...no child has died from lack of exposure to grandparents. It doesnt have to be serious or extreme.

People can strike a balance if they choose to. You can see grandparents on the weekends or even a few times a week and develop a comfortable yet respectful relationship that way.

Why not just understand its a woman's God given right to live her life the way she chooses?

[coolgirl]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

Every woman has the right to live her life the way she dreamt. Shaadi se pehle maa baap ki suno, shaadi ke baad saas susar ki suno...lol. The funny thing is, Islam entitles a woman to live on her own if she chooses. 90% of the time...these saas's dont live with their own inlaws...but they want their kids living with them.

There should be no reason to choose one...the son who was raised by the saas...should have been given the proper upbringing and not made into a mama's boy. Usually, its this "mera pyara sa bacha" attitude that ruins things for both parties later on.

You can pick one...the woman who raised you or the woman who will be the mother of your children...but it wont be easy and no one will be happy. There is no dire need to see grandparents on a daily basis...as far as I know...no child has died from lack of exposure to grandparents. It doesnt have to be serious or extreme.

People can strike a balance if they choose to. You can see grandparents on the weekends or even a few times a week and develop a comfortable yet respectful relationship that way.

Why not just understand its a woman's God given right to live her life the way she chooses?

excellent point!

[Maham]

Re: Mother or Wife? Pick One.

Since when "moving out with wife" mean wife over mother or "living in with mother" mean, Mother over wife?

I am living out of country with my wife, does that mean that I have chosen "wife over mother"?

What made you think that one can not strike a balance?

I never said one cant strike a balance but unfortunately most don't.

And i just put up a question, everyone is open 2 answer it the way they want and explain it the way they feel.