Even if the intention is to make the DIL a better person?
LOL...VERY rarely is it the saas's intention to better the sweet little daughter in law who is stealing away her pyara sa bacha.
^ I want to know why one cannot take constructive criticism from a MIL?
Constructive criticism is showing someone how to do something and gently telling them in a manner that is not offensive or rude. Publicly humiliating her in front of people is not constructive criticism. Thats called being an a**.
My MIL makes fun of the clothes I wear each time she sees me, she saw me wearing crinkled top she said "yeh gharay(pitcher) main se nikal ker pehnay hain?".....then once she came and I was wearing a denim top and she said "yeh tum ne apne husband ki shirt pehni hui hai?"......and on Eid I was wearing few beaded necklaces and she commented "tum tou Mr. T lag rahi ho".....now beat that! :D
And believe me, she always praises her daughters even if they are looking funny.
My MIL did that when she saw me wearing anything nice. She would always make comments about me not matching or my shoes arent right or soemthing else. In the beginning, I fell for it. I would go to my room, change things around and ask her for her opinion several times...imagine how much fun she had at my expense. I stopped when I realized the things she suggested were so ugly...she deliberatly tried to make me look bad.
I specifically asked about constructive criticism and you said yes its still not acceptable.
I accept commenting on the way you dress or cut melons (not peel apples) is not constructive.
Kaka, these are ladies who have already been through the process...are twice our ages and know how the world works. They are not bholi bhali, nadaan or innocent in any way, shape or form. They've had and raised children. They know how to soften the blow - IF they wanted to. They know what will offend. They know how to talk to people because in their lifetime and even during the rishta process...they have to use and call on their social skills to appear nice and approachable. They have had MILs of their own and have lived in joint family systems. They've dealt with all of the same pressures they're giving another woman.
Yet they still choose to act like a saas...but expect their DIL to act like their beti. :)
I totally agree with you Reha. To all the girls who dont understand the MDIL feud- Imagine everything you ever did (even simple things LIKE PEELING AN APPLE) being scrutinized... sure there're a lot of things you could learn from your MIL and she does know more than you when it comes to cooking ( i dont think girls complain about learning new or better ways of doing things) but if she thinks you cant do ANYTHING right then I think you have a right to vent! :)
My MIL did that when she saw me wearing anything nice. She would always make comments about me not matching or my shoes arent right or soemthing else. In the beginning, I fell for it. I would go to my room, change things around and ask her for her opinion several times...imagine how much fun she had at my expense. I stopped when I realized the things she suggested were so ugly...she deliberatly tried to make me look bad.
I have similar stories but I'll share them some other day. Btw, even if you live miles away from your MIL, you still can't escape these comments, whenever you go to see her or she comes to see you, the first comment has to be about the way you're dressing up.
Tell her you are as equally smitten with the way SHE dresses as she is with the way YOU dress.
She'll shut her mouth up then.
Or, you can just say that you dont have money to buy better clothes, and if she gives you an extra 1000 dollars, you can go out and get yourself some proper designer clothes. That too, will shut her up.
All these ladies who are sick of their MILs because she is telling them that they are doing things wrongly... WOW can these girls say the same about their MAMA.. i guess not, their own moms must be like a fairy and they try to pose their MILs as a WITCH.. great going and if their husbands do the same to their inlaws then they are either ZALIM and selfish and mama's boy, not caring and bla bla bla.. but yes women are allowed to call their MIL anything they want.. criticize them whenever they want.. and the common reason behind it is .. she is not their MOM...
Some says oh my MIL is real paindo.. she want me to wake up early in the morning ( and may be pray) yeah she is paindo and deserved to be criticized for doing so.. after all the worst thing she did was brought you in his son's life
some says ya she is very sweet talker... but she have some other issues.. WTH... how about u, aren't u the same...
women can never be satisfied nor happy..... no one is complete, MILs can be wrong but so can woman's own mama.. does the women treat the both same??? remember she has more experience in house-hold then you...
Then keep the two women apart!
I don't understand why the guy's parents get to keep their son and his wife yet complain about her behavior. Why do they forget that the girl also has parents who may not be lucky enough to get a buy one get one free deal (bare a son get a maid for free mentality)? Isn't that enough reason for the girl to be bitter about the whole situation? Mother in laws have absolutely no authority over their DIL. It's their son who married her, not them.. They should be thankful that she agreed to keep the family together and shows her MIL some respect.
I have no brothers, I don't see a reason I should be expected to take care of his parents while neglecting my own. Sorry but these MILs should know better.
How would you feel if you were told that you would be working side by side everyday with your father-in-law for your whole life? And if you are okay with that, how would you feel if he had a know-it-all attitude? Imagine yourself dealing with your know-it-all father in law every second of the day.. wouldn't that drive you nuts?
LOL...VERY rarely is it the saas's intention to better the sweet little daughter in law who is stealing away her pyara sa bacha.
.....They know how to soften the blow - IF they wanted to. They know what will offend. They know how to talk to people because in their lifetime and even during the rishta process...they have to use and call on their social skills to appear nice and approachable. They have had MILs of their own and have lived in joint family systems. They've dealt with all of the same pressures they're giving another woman.
Yet they still choose to act like a saas...but expect their DIL to act like their beti. :)
So, in short, sincerity can never be expected from MILs? Would you girls be all the same when you have DILs?
Nothing personal, just curious about this beautiful social construct.
So, in short, sincerity can never be expected from MILs? Would you girls be all the same when you have DILs?
Nothing personal, just curious about this beautiful social construct.
In short, sincerity can be expected but most girls are disappointed.
We're not talking about the rare MIL that decides to live and let live.
We're talking about the majority that actualy choose their DILs and then terrorize them.
To be honest with you...I will do my best to keep my nose out of their business. I dont plan on being a burden or getting possessive to the point that my DIL's life is hell because of my personal issues. I know what its like and I would never inflict that on anyone.
Some women are just unlucky. they went through crap at the hands of their MILs/other in laws and then end up being treated no better by their own bahus.
MILs usually want to show that they know better than us. They don't need to show but they do lolz. My MIL never agrees with whatever her daughter in laws say like her reply always starts from "NAHI..."but I don't give this much attention as I didn't get married just to change her these habits.
Well during the beginning days of my marriage my MIL used to TELL me that she had many other choices for his son and she never forgot to repeat it everyday. I used to listen to her silently then I just took it normal but then I also started feeling ODD in myself like what's the point of telling me again and again about the proposals of my husband :S I mean I wasn't dying to marry him either nor did I force her to convince his son to marry me. I know I was NOT the only one for him but it wasn't like I had no other choices. It got a bit annoying. I still don't understand that why she has been mentioning such things to me. I used to get hurt but now I don't pay much attention.
^ my MIL always criticised her each and ever DIL that way too. Saying that her son could have got someone better , as if her sons are some princes with whom every girl on the planet is dying to marry. She criticised face features of her other son's wife infront of many people saying she has an ugly face and does not match her son at all . These women dont think before opening up their mouths.
But believe what goes around comes around. Do sabar & have faith on Allah.
Some women are just unlucky. they went through crap at the hands of their MILs/other in laws and then end up being treated no better by their own bahus.
oh really.... if they went thru soooooooo mch at the hands of their MILS y the hell r they doin the same mistake again and makin life hell for their bahus??? hmmm... they didnt learn from their lesson.. did they?
Some women are just unlucky. they went through crap at the hands of their MILs/other in laws and then end up being treated no better by their own bahus.
oh really.... if they went thru soooooooo mch at the hands of their MILS y the hell r they doin the same mistake again and makin life hell for their bahus??? hmmm... they didnt learn from their lesson.. did they?
I said they end up being treated no better by their own bahus. Not that they dont treat them better.
I said they end up being treated no better by their own bahus. Not that they dont treat them better.
sumtiems the bahu dus treat the saas nicely but the saas is always *****y... honestly i m such i mind my own business and dun talk mch or interfere... its only when she is nosy and tries to teach me things unnecessary that i want to retaliate in response.. so is saas just keeps her mouth shut and talk when necessary we bahus dun need to talk back or argue.. trust me.
If girl is perusing any professional career which requires lot of attention, normally they dont get involved in household work and learn it after.
Similarly I know many guys who cant put the freaking nail in the wood just because they were too busy with their studies and their father or some other brother took care of all these things...
sumtiems the bahu dus treat the saas nicely but the saas is always *****y... honestly i m such i mind my own business and dun talk mch or interfere... its only when she is nosy and tries to teach me things unnecessary that i want to retaliate in response.. so is saas just keeps her mouth shut and talk when necessary we bahus dun need to talk back or argue.. trust me.
Maybe in your circle all the saas's are churailein and teh bahus are doodh ki dhuli hui farishtein...
sadly I live in the real world where some saas'es are nice and some bahus are bad.
sumtiems the bahu dus treat the saas nicely but the saas is always **y.*.. honestly i m such i mind my own business and dun talk mch or interfere... its only when she is nosy and tries to teach me things unnecessary that i want to retaliate in response.. so is saas just keeps her mouth shut and talk when necessary we bahus dun need to talk back or argue.. trust me.
Please don't get offended..but I am really, really curious. Is your mom someone's mother in law too? Think before you write or say something. And the way you talk about your MIL, that's unnecessarily rude. Would you tell your own mom to shut her mouth??? Why is it so hard to respect your own husband's mom. If her close relation to your husband means nothing to you, then at least respect her as an elderly lady. Our religion tells us to be always respectful towards our elders.
So what if she gives you unwanted advice, you can politely listen. It wouldn't kill you.