moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

i cant believe how some people want her to stay quiet! A douche is a douche, no reason to give him 2nd chances! Confront him openly, in the presence of elders, and he needs to clarify. If his account was misused, he needs to sure as hell inform others, it's HIS ethical responsibility to make sure of that.

42

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

Very cheap he is.

you should ignore him completely and act as if nothing happened (only for the sake of your sister) but then you dont know perhaps he is saying this to other girls too.

i'll say tell your mom everything and show her all the msgs. dont tell your sister yet cause on the phone you wont be able to explain everything and its likely that she will confront her husband and he will have a good chance to tell a lie or to make her against you.

also block him from your fb account. dont reply him at all.

43

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

I agree! I don't understand. It's better for your sis to live in a bad marriage than challenge the status quo??? The decision should be hers, not yours.

44

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

I think what you're worried about is the fact that no1 will marry her again and oh she'll be 'marked' with this divorcee status that in our desi society is just OH SO WRONG. haww haye, she's damaged goods and whatnot.

seriously, she deserves happiness and she deserves someone who won't mess around like that...you need to make her aware of her husbands kartoot, and the rest is up to her yeah? just think, if he sent you a message like THAT...imagine what he'd say to other ladies...imagine if they're willing to take him up on his offer? this isn't the route you wanna go down...

45

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

well yeah what happened is she was in a forced arranged marriage type of situation before, and because it didn't turn out to be good because of my parents mistake at that time, now she took matters into her own hands thinking she may be better at this shaadi thing than them. sooo 2 years down the road we find out its probably not good either even with it this way. i mean IF he was fraped on fb thennnnnnnnn shouldn't he apologize or something like maybe a status update referring to it?? i mean he doesn't update all the time but check your messages maybe something like your sent box and at least be like that ohhh was not me sorry??? can't tell my parents they wouldn't understand email they might be like how come he is messaging u they're just not going to understand. but how do I tell my sister ...well the thing is her dewar is getting married and we might attend his wedding as it comes on our way to the trip over to pak plus the pending umrah. sooo i tell her then that would ruin the wedding atmosphere, can't say anything over the phone its going to lead to miscommunication potential, orrr stay quiet and pray some akal gets knocked into this guy and he stops? i mean he has not said anything in over a month.

46

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

At least talk to the guy, you need to know if he hasn't been facebook raped. Not many people ever check their sent boxes.

47

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

Keeping lips sealed is not an option. If not you, he will hit someone else and most likely someone in family.

Although before you break the news to your sister and family, just send him message asking that you have received this message, did he sent it or his account was compromised because there is every possibility that his account was compromised or some of his friend sent a msg just for the sake of fun (many people save the password in browser). I know a case first hand where friend emailed because password was saved in the browser.

48

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

sucks really bad but I think I deleted the message! :( goshhh its not there anymore...I think it got deleted when I cleaned out my inbox, I really can't do anything now besides just talk to her and that might not go well w/o proof, I deleted the proof. how to approach this now?

49

Re: moral/ethical issue… sisters marriage.

Don’t appraoch your sister without proof…its going to cause a huge mess and if you can’t back up what you say then theres no point

I sincerely hope that he wasn’t the one who sent the message :hinna:

50

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

Maybe you can post on his WALL so that it is public: "Got weird messages from you. Has your account been hacked?"

51

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

You said there were two messages and you deleted both accidentally?

52

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

No not accidently, I just logged back on fb to check the content so I can copy paste it here but I think it was deleted when I was cleaning my inbox from weeks ago the messages were sent within two days of each other I just clicked and deleted i think i was really flustered with other stuff at that moment but it should be in his outbox per se if my sis checks that i don't think they share passwords cause he doesn't have hers. He sent two because I didn't respond to the first one so he probably thought i didn't get it.

53

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

You need to let your sister know.

Just because this is her second marriage doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a loyal husband.

54

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

I don't know when I got the messages I showed my middle sister, and she says she can talk to the elder sister but she says we need proof but at that time we decided he could get fbraped and so we left it alone and now a month has passed without acknowledgment...but my elder sister needs to see this and the only thing we have left is his sent box which nobody has access to, the thing is my family is going to falter because we had so much hungama in the house due to this marriage, she fought tooth and nail for this guy not that he was a good thing...please keep us in ur duas. i mean we can pray that Allah guide him? if he's doing this now God knows what he has in store for us int eh future. stupid guy.

how do I tell her, and I guess there is no appropriate time, as soon as possible would be good. do I say all this over the phone, wait until she is person cause that would mean at her dewars shaadi? what do I do moment?

55

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

so were you able to prove that it was him?

56

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

no i have two sisters, my other sister and i were the one contempelating we are both CONFUSED. the eldest sister is married to the emotionally abusive jerk!

57

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

wait for his third message and then talk to your sister who is married to him.

58

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

if u dont tell her, womtime he wll tell, ke tum bhi ye chahti thi, coz u hide it.... then its more hell.

59

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

^ i didn't respond so how can that be...? but i guess i was hoping that a third message just no come! but we don't know! life sucks very much!

60

Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.

Don't do anything until you have proof. Then you will have to bring it up to your parents. They will take it from there. This is not something for you to handle by yourself.