so when your brother-in-law messages u on fb and tells you in the message that he thinks your sexy and wants to get with you. this is your sister’s second marriage due to the first one ending up in divorce, and its a delicate situation, she has a kid, she fought to get married to this guy, is it ethical to just keep quiet when he has sent these messages twice but because of getting no response he never acknowledged or sent another one. orrrr do you say something. keeping qute keeps peace? he never acted on it or anything like that? and he is out of country but originally lived here in the same city once upon a time…right now he is too far away. ?? what to do?
Re: moral/ethical issue… sisters marriage.
Pass. That’s way above my paygrade.
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
That is just wrong. Your bro in law wants to get with you? I think you should tell your sister.
Re: moral/ethical issue… sisters marriage.
add your sister to your facebook , if she is not already in your list, he will never ever dare to do anything like it again , but how do you know he being a pervert is not hitting on other women on facebook ? 
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
do you tell your sister who is already in a delicate situation, or you keep quiet due to him not physically instigating. trust me this is ackward and weird. you want to protect your sister, but you don't want to ruin her life, third time around is not going to be good in any way, especially with kid. she's mashAllah really pretty though, not that educated. :(
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
Kick his ass...
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
Goshhh I don't know man like my life isn't already stressing me out, and I don't already feel fragile enough! My sister is already on my fb she has an account, he private messaged me though so she can't see it...sucks really bad. Sometimes I think I should say something cause it sounds like he wants out of this marriage and wants to put on a hungama to do this? doesn't make sense why he chose me to intiate drama, he wants out of this ?? what better way to get his wife emotionally worked up than hit on her sister?
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
whats going on with him other than he is threatening his own marriage?
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
don't respond, it's very delicate issue.
He is in foreign country, so maybe you will not going to meet him very soon. Let the time take care of it.
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
I know i haven't responded its been a month, but now I'm unsure if its something that is ethically right to keep a secret, i mean she should know but its gonna ruin everything i can rely on that much. i mean wth? moment here.
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
I don't see him very much actually maybe once a year, it'll die down once i'm married, i from what I get is he really wants to ruin his marriage, because he knows me and he knows i would never respond to what he's looking for so yeah i think he is actually doing this purposefully. Allah har aik ko buray waqt se bachaye!
Re: moral/ethical issue… sisters marriage.
:hinna: So many examples of losers that you read about in this forum. I don’t even know what to suggest.
How do you know that your BIL wants “out” of the marriage? Has your sister complained about problems in the marriage or has he indicated in other ways that he wants out? Save the email that he sent…you never know when you might need it at a later point.
You’ve said several times that your sister is in a delicate situation…and unless I’m in her shoes…I won’t fully understand the challenges that she has had to face. However…at the same time…I don’t think that being divorced and working to raise a child on your own is the worst thing in the world. If your BIL is as hell-bent upon getting out of this marriage as you make it sound…what happiness or “izzat” will your sister have in staying with him? Sometimes there’s more dignity in separation (not saying that things will end up this way).
I think you need to talk to your BIL. Maybe ask him if he was kidding around in his emails. And then explain to him that you feel very uncomfortable with such comments, that they’d be hurtful to your sister is she were to find out, that he wouldn’t like it if his wife was behaving in this manner behind his back, and that if he has any problems in his marriage that he should address them with his wife or seek marriage counseling and try to resolve matters in a decent/halal manner. I also think that your sister needs to know about this because this is a repeat offense. There’s no excuse or justification for his behavior…but maybe he’s trying to get attention from other girls because he feels that he’s not getting much attention from his wife or that there is something lacking in the marriage. The two of them can try to work it out.
If you only talk to your BIL…and not tell your sister about it…there’s no guarantee that he’ll stop hitting on other women. And if the marriage deteriorates…and your sister somehow finds out that he sent you those emails (or if you decide to tell her about them when the marriage worsens)…she may get angry with you for not telling her sooner…or what if your silence to his emails is twisted/misconstrued into something that can create trouble for you and your reputation later on?
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
That's really sad....even more so because this is her second marriage!
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
he wants HER to break up the marriage because he doesn't have the guts to do it himself.
i think i would say something. he's a waste of her time, and probably going to be a terrible influence on the child.
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
Although its a difficult situation you should tell your sister
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
RV: I disagree on one point. She should not speak to him or engage him in any manner more than she has to out of politeness. Any further contact or familiarity will make her seem at fault as well.
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
Hey don;t jump to conclusions here.
are you sure he hasn't been fraped (facebook raped). Someone hacked into my fb once and sent some sexy messages to my own brother lol
maybe he left the computer on, and one of his friends thought they'd play a practical joke. Have you met him before? What impression did he have on you? did he seem decent, pervy etc.
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
RV: I disagree on one point. She should not speak to him or engage him in any manner more than she has to out of politeness. Any further contact or familiarity will make her seem at fault as well.
I think it's one of those tricky situations where staying quiet and confronting may both have the potential to get messy. I didn't want her silence to his emails to be twisted into something like encouragement and thus make it seem like she's at fault that way. I'm not suggesting that she go out of her way to talk to him or to even help him resolve his marital issues.....only to indicate her disapproval of his behavior. I dunno Sahar.......since u deal with in-laws you'd have a greater understanding of how delicate this situation is compared to me. If this guy isn't kidding around (or if it's not some prank by someone else)....I feel bad for his wife. I hope things work out because it's a tough to one give advice on.
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
Urgh.
Yes, look into making sure someone is not playing with his facebook account.
Re: moral/ethical issue... sisters marriage.
**** me! From a hoard of stolen personal photos circulating around the internet to the ease of infidelity, god bless Facebook.