Monster In Law

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: Monster In Law

Where did the 95% statistic come from??

The majority of people on here are too young to be mother-in-laws, had this been a forum directed towards people in their 50's and 60's, all of you on here moaning about your mother-in-laws would be on here moaning about their daughter-in-laws.

YES, there are nasty MILS out there, and for those of you who have posted, it looks like your MILS are from that group of nasty ones.... but please let us not forget that their are nasty DILS out there who have married in to families where the MILS are actually nice and decent ladies.

Sometimes the issues came from the MIL, sometimes from the DIL.... and other times its a combination of both.

My mother is a MIL with a nasty DIL (i.e. my sister-in-law), maybe I should start a post where we nands can rant about our bhabis.

Has anyone done this before?
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Re: Monster In Law

There are defint. bad DIL out there.... no doubt about it.... I was talking to a good friend who has alot of knowlege abt islaam... She said there is no concept in Islaam about DIL... Meaning that in old time since the houses of people were made out of fabric etc... the parents would get the sons married and build them a seprate tent to live in... SO maybe there could be a way out of this thing.. unless you MIL and FIL are unable to take care of themselves maybe they should live with each son for a little while so no one would be burdened... in the case there is only one son maybe they can live next to each other and let each other live there own life... I know for a fact that If I have kids I will make sure I have saved enough for a elder care center to live in.... I will not even want to deal with hurting someone..... or being hurt... Mayebe we should all think about our future and figure out a way to live when we are old that we will not face this problem..... BEACUSE THIS CYCLE NEEDS TO END!!! ITS TOOO PAINFULL FOR BOTH PARTIES>

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Re: Monster In Law

Well I just don't think that the DILs that have good in laws should come here and show off or assume that all MILs are like their MILs. It's just not right of them to rub it in that they have it good and it's wrong for them to assume that the girls that are venting in here are bad or lying.

Yes there are bad DILs and Son in laws too. It's even more difficult when Sons love their parents unconditionally even if his parents are not nice to his wife. There are situations where the son is an only child and since his parents don't want to get along with his wife he is willing to get a divorce just so he could look after his mean parents.

What should the wife do at these times?

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Re: Monster In Law

If parents would just start living with their daughters (if they have daughters) then we wouldnt have this constant MIL-DIL battle! :D

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Re: Monster In Law

true

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Re: Monster In Law

wht is ths MIL-DIL battle ??????????

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Re: Monster In Law

mother-in-law VS daughter-in-law

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Re: Monster In Law

:smack: …:cb:

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Re: Monster In Law

from what ive learned so far ... and im not married so im speaking from friends and family's experiences... it can get veryyy difficult to deal with mil's whether ur living with them or not... and it is mostly if not only because they feel like they might lose their sons.

also dil's can be veryyy difficult to deal with because every girl gets married imagining a perfect life with her perfect hubby and romantic dinners alone with her hubby every night after which they can have a nice walk outside and an empty house to resort to afterwards...

welll reality strikess... and theres a bid clash between the mother who still wants her son to be HERS and a wife who wants her husband to be hers....

i think what we (us women) all forget is thatt.... the one in the most difficult situation here is the poor guy.. who for the sake of Allah (swt) has to care for his mother and his wife. And Islamically speaking the mother has the first right over her son. and the husband has a right over his wife.

to clarify.. the husband has to listen to his mother first. and the wife has to listen to her husband....

If we go into our marriages already preparing ourselves for certain struggles and hardships, coping with these situations won't be hard. I had at one time dreamt of a perfect marriage where everyday after the wedding would be like a romantic date etc. but i know that keeping my hopes up like that is only going to make reality harder.

ALsooooo if we keeep in mind that our real goal here is to please our husbands... and really to please Allah (Swt) we will get our reward in this duniyah and akhirat. Ameen.

May Allah swt make the struggle for all the women and men easier, whether they be wives,mothers, sisters, husbands, brothers, etc. Ameen.

sorry for the long and boring reply .. : )

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Re: Monster In Law

Well if son (husband)has to listen to his mom first ...than not to forget wife has her own mother too...and as far s i know all mothers in light of islam has same status and level of respect regardless of being boy;s mom or gals mom...aur agar yeh kaha jae kah guys r must or obligated to look after their parent financally even after shadi than my friend it not teaching of islam but norm of culture and society which has got so strong that it has been mistaken for teaching o fislam...Allah has said in quran if u have parents who have reached old age and r alive than u guys r suppose to be loving and respect ful to them and be kidmatguzar...htis doesn't mean support financlly but God forbid if they can;t look after themselves financialy for some reason and u r capable of providing for their needs than u should but again it wasn;t obligated on ullad to provide finances as farz but it was parents farz to provide for their kids. This requires planning for life way ahead of time with the grace of God. BUT if guys were obligated to provide for their old parents than Allah wud have given beta to all ppl...coz otherwise it wun't balance out.

So u see tats why Allah has made husband wife rista the most closer one...this means after shadi...parents r to be respected and loved no questiona bt it...but husband and wife these two ppl becomes the main focal point for eachother and they both should work togather...for man his first piority is wife kids and house and for woman its the same as well. Tats why In quran Allah has said husband and wife r each other's libas (clothing). Quran has oulined the boundary lines of relations so clealry but alas it our lack of knowledge which leads us to mistreat each other 's right and all this lead to sad conflicts between relations....

May Allah bless us with his teachings by giving us the capabilty to understand his teaching....Ameen

TC...

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Re: Monster In Law

Jab MILtay hain do **DIL **to ho jaati haiy yeh MIL-DIL.

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Re: Monster In Law

Your post for the most part is so logical, especially the high expectations part, for a moment i thought you're a guy. :p j/k

You're right about obedience to parents. The mother has a right to have an obedient son. But the wife has rights too. I have read here and there (not 100% sure on this) that in islam it is the right of the wife to have a separate living arrangement. If the wife is living with her husband and his family, then the wife needs to have her own bedroom, kitchen, living room et al.

This unfortunately is not possible for most guys who make an honest living (to support parents house and another separate house for the wife). And in most cases where the parents are dependant on the son, the wife has to surrender her right to a separate accomodation and move in with her husband and his family. (unless the son totally abandons his parents and moves out completely)

My own belief is that all this needs to be talked out beforehand. I hear about really messed up parents here and there who do forced marriages but for most weddings the husband and wife do get plenty of chances to talk. So people before getting married please list your expectations and talk em out with the other person (especially living arrangements) and if things dont work out then move on and be happy that you got this sorted out before getting married and being stuck with something you didnt sign up for.

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Re: Monster In Law

:cb:

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Re: Monster In Law

okeeeee guys i have this issue now with my MIL…she just dont like my cookinggggggg…actually my FIL too…the reason is they both love OILLL floating all over the salan..:grumpy:..liken literally you can see a layer of oil on like every salan…and when i cook i try not to put alot oil…just what necessary u know…i mean its not healthy and its sooo fattening …whenever i tell her that is why mein itna oil nahi daalti she is like yahi tou omer hai khaanay kee bla bla and i go like abhi say adat daalein gey tou baad mein sahi rehey ga…she just dont agree with me on this…and my FIL takes alot of mirch n salt in khaana…which again i put the appropiate amount and he always complain about my mirch masala…arghhhh
**
my question should i start cooking the way they like it eventhough i believe thats not healthy for anyone especially they both are in their 50s…i mean its not just my health and my hubby its their health too u knowww…**

helpppp :crying:

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Re: Monster In Law

LOL, are you serious, or just teasing the girls in this thread? I also use less oil when I cook desi food, and I use olive oil instead of corn or canola. My rule is that you can cook your food anyway that you like in your own house. If you cook with enough oil and salt to cause a heartattack, diabetes, etc., then that is your problem. I have gone out of my way to educate people about cooking in a healthy fashion over the last 15 years, and if you still don’t get the point, then I can’t help you.

HOWEVER - in my house, I am responsible for your health and the health of my family, so we eat properly, which means that the salan does not have an inch of oil floating on top, we use less salt, and eat brown rice on a daily basis. I ignore the comments about my food.

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Re: Monster In Law

No i am very serious yaar…i mean overaal my MIL n FIL are very nice to me but they just HATE my cooking…and its really hard to ignore comments and the looks given to your food…or when i am done cooking…at time of eating my MIL adding more oil and my FIL taking some salt and garam masala with him and telling me k thora sara namak mirch daal lia kero khanay mein…arghhhh…eventhough my MIL do thinks my namak and mirch is perfect but not FIL…:halo:

Baloch leader announces Rs.1 bn to kill Musharraf
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Re: Monster In Law

^ just tell them “namak aur mirch aap ke seheth ke liyeh acha nahi hai” :halo:

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Re: Monster In Law

i didddddd…but he is like kiss nay kaha sehet k liyay acha nahi hai…:crying:

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Re: Monster In Law

tell him shikra said so hehe…always blame the son!

80

Re: Monster In Law

you wont believe but i did that too…and my MIL gave him this huge lecture about why he is too conscious about his diet…abhi bachay nahi howay…maa baap banay k liyay unko tundorast hona chahye…bla bla bla…hahahhahahahha

i guess there is no solution…:halo: