Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
^RV no one is perfect, and we don't know what her mom intended. May be she just wanted to convey to her that how people are talking about her BFF. However, the sentiments expressed by her towards her mom were too strong. No one should do that.
okay thank you for your kind advice. :) be assured i did not say any thing rude to my mom. honestly you are looking TOO much into the word disgust. lol.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
^Good for u.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
rosedreams, let us know how it plays out, both the discussion about your feelings and concerns with your mom, and whether you talked to your friend about it. As I said the latter one is very very tough to do and can be a massive political mess in the social circle/community, but probably is the right thing to do. I know I would but others may have different approach for it.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Someone told me once ... When it comes to family use your heart ... And for non-family use brain.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
I would leave the communication on this issue wrt friend well enough alone. Unless she brings it up. Then an unconditional support is in order. Just my 2 cents. I have no doubt you will handle it with the appropriate sensitivity and kindness based on ur very gentle posts.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
I'm so annoyed. I've been mad at my mother because she said something mean about my best friend.
Just because my BFF has a boyfriend, celebrated Valentine's Day etc my mom judges her. Seriously it really makes me mad when my mother speaks like this about such a wonderful friend of mine.** My mom accidentally came across photos of my BFF and her boyfriend from V day.** And some other desi aunty told me mom that my friend is sexually active. (How this aunty was sure- I have NOO idea. Rumours!) I was so annoyed. So so pissed.
I do not want to tell my BFF all this because she will feel bad, and she is very friendly with my mother, especially since we are family friends.
I've told my mother not to interfere in my friends' affairs. (No pun intended)
How do I curb these feelings of extreme annoyance and disgust that I feel towards my mom after all that she has said? Sigh!
Right there is your core problem. The only reason there is an issue here.
Just think about it for a moment.
IF YOU PUT PRIVATE PHOTOS WITHIN REACH OF AUNTIES, YOU WILL SUFFER!
Please take note that the above sentence is entirely capitalised, italicised, bolded, underlined, and coloured red, both to draw attention and to indicate that this is a warning message. If you do not want to be dissed by aunties, don't "accidentally" show them stuff like this. That's just stupid. I'm sorry it really is. Because aunties will be aunties no matter what you say or do.
I know several people, who have gone to all lengths necessary to ensure any photos that they wouldn't want their mothers to see, they don't get to see.
Aside from that, I think the disrespect you've shown your mother here is appalling. As her child and daughter, you've called her horrible things to strangers. How do you think she would feel? Wouldn't you want to uphold your mother's respect? Yes, it was disrespectful. This is why many here are disagreeing with the way you spoke about your mother, myself included.
Okay fine, you didn't mean it that way. I understand. You still shouldn't be upset at her. I think your anger is unjustified. Most desi parents would react the same.
Did you expect she was going to say positive things when she saw the photos?
If your friends mother saw the same photos but with you in them, and then another aunty had mentioned what this one did, do you think she would be nicer to you about it?
Forget your friends mum. Forget your mother. Can you imagine any paki mother saying positive stuff about it?
Did you honestly think your mum would not say anything bad?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, I'm sorry that's just not how it is.
I would like it to be, and most would, but it ain't. They can't see stuff like this. If they do they gonna blow up, and cant blame anyone but yourselves.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
spoken like a true aunty 
we’re you beating your chest while saying this too
Btw I’m feeling a lot of disgust at your first statement. That is ridiculous.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
I think a young person has come for advice and in her world these are her issues and people go through different phases. So many people went on tangents and stated things that were nowhere in the original post....just very strange
as for advice, I know such gossip really hurts...and you can only understand when you've been a girl in a desi society and subjected to such bull****. You're looking out for your friend...but your mom probably said it to you because you're her daughter and that's it...learn to balance both relationships in your life
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
No I was throwing up #disgust](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=disgust)
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
ok, u are right and i am wrong. You win. Happy? What if that girl is sexually involved ? What if aunties are right? Sex is a very Private thing. People do not do it in public. At the same times, may be, aunties are twisting this situation. It means there is always uncertainty. You have no Proof. I have no Proof. But You have written a “lambi chitthi” on this issue as if u are 100% sure that those aunties are wrong… Her mother is concerned, she just do not want her daughter to be around with notorious People (acording to aunties, i am nt saying, aunties are right or wrong) .Also whether her friend is sexually involved or not ,but bf/gf is not allowed in our Religion. Simple. In my opinion, this matter is complicated. I do not want to suggest anythng cz i do nt know the ground realities. Also, i will nt give benefit of doubt to her friend, cz this matter is serious., it is not a game. A serious complicated matter
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
congrats! your mum is your real mum acting like all true mothers!
always blaming the friends...
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
I think a young person has come for advice and in her world these are her issues and people go through different phases. So many people went on tangents and stated things that were nowhere in the original post....just very strange
as for advice, I know such gossip really hurts...and you can only understand when you've been a girl in a desi society and subjected to such bull****. You're looking out for your friend...but your mom probably said it to you because you're her daughter and that's it...learn to balance both relationships in your life
Well said! Don't think anyone else can say it better. Maturity is mainly about managing the various relationships and being happy.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
My question.
What is the suggested course of action that the mother should have followed - as per you people? What would you do if it came to your knowledge that your daughters bff is sleeping around?
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Don't be angry at your Mum. Parents are like that sometimes. When I was younger I always used to get my friends to meet my friends as well so they knew what company I keep. Maybe you can do that as well.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
My question.**
What is the suggested course of action that the mother should have followed - as per you people? What would you do if it came to your knowledge that your daughters bff is sleeping around**?
Erm.. what the OP described doesn't equate to "sleeping around".. that's a different situation..
Like some of the earlier answers in the thread that's quite a leap..
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Ok. She is sleeping with just one? Is that ok?
Now answer the questions.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Ok. She is sleeping with just one? Is that ok?
*No, it's not okay to even assume that she is sleeping with just one person. We all know that premarital relationships are haram. But tell me, is it logically or even morally sound to assume that she's sleeping with only one person? *
Now answer the questions.
As OP stated earlier, the girl in question has been a friend of OP ...AND ...her family for many years. When you try to dissuade your daughter (who is either a teen or in her 20s) from being friends with a girl she's known for a brief duration.....it may be easier. But to dissuade your daughter from maintaining a friendship with a girl that she has bonded with over the course of many years.....will no doubt be trickier.
If parents have known the girl for years and have mostly seen her in a good light, then that warrants more flexibility in their condemnation. For example, there is a difference in saying/implying that the girl has an overall bayghairat/badchallan character ....and in saying that she is currently making some choices (having a BF, posting BF pics on FB) that are harmful.
Now, before you say that I'm making assumptions about how the mom responded....I'm not. I've no idea how she broached the matter, I only ventured possibilities.
I DO agree with Maula Jatt in that it's not right to speak so harshly about a parent "behind" their back ....whether it's with online strangers or those you know. Maybe I am naive, but I doubt that many parents tell their friends that they feel extremely disgusted with their child. I understand that it's natural to feel emotions of anger and disgust with loved ones but perhaps saying "I feel very disturbed" would have been better than "disgusted." But it's commendable that Op responded to her mom decently and wants to clear her heart toward her.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
define what is a "desi society".........these still exist in north america?
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
^^RV, I've actually heard quite a few parents make comments to that effect over the years.. I don't think it's that uncommon..