I’m so annoyed. I’ve been mad at my mother because she said something mean about my best friend.
Just because my BFF has a boyfriend, celebrated Valentine’s Day etc my mom judges her. Seriously it really makes me mad when my mother speaks like this about such a wonderful friend of mine. My mom accidentally came across photos of my BFF and her boyfriend from V day. And some other desi aunty told me mom that my friend is sexually active. (How this aunty was sure- I have NOO idea. Rumours!) I was so annoyed. So so pissed.
I do not want to tell my BFF all this because she will feel bad, and she is very friendly with my mother, especially since we are family friends.
I’ve told my mother not to interfere in my friends’ affairs. (No pun intended)
How do I curb these feelings of extreme annoyance and disgust that I feel towards my mom after all that she has said? Sigh!
Re posts 2 and 3 - Way to distort OP's message and focusing on last sentence. As for friend over family, nothing wrong in taking a stand against gossip and unnecessary judging of another human being. Rather than pledge blind allegiance to a person whose position on this issue is flawed.
Way to distort OP's message and focusing on last sentence.
Nobody is distorting anything. Her last sentence is her main problem. I think my suggestion has value, after a cold shower, her brain will be fresh to start over. Right now she is emotional by the whole situation. :)
You sound very young and perhaps both you and your mother are having trouble understanding each other. It is very common for parents to get like this, to see "good" and "bad" in absolutes, and she is probably worried about the influence your BFF will have on you. Try not to take her words so personally. She just simply doesn't understand your friend the way you do. Give her time. This is a pretty common phase.
I don't see the issue here. If she made a single comment and it wasn't something really really bad then I don't see why you're not able to just let it go. If my mom were to say something showing her disapproval about a friend of mine having done something similar, then it wouldn't bother me one bit.
Nobody is distorting anything. Her last sentence is her main problem. I think my suggestion has value, after a cold shower, her brain will be fresh to start over. Right now she is emotional by the whole situation. :)
Aaze
I posted around same time as u did. Hadn't seen ur post. As soon as I saw it - and before I got this reply- I added I was referring to posts 2 and 3. Reason - I could see how my post could be misinterpreted as responding to yours.
I agree with your suggestion. And disagree with posts 2 and 3.
I posted around same time as u did. Hadn't seen ur post. As soon as I saw it - and before I got this reply- I added I was referring to posts 2 and 3. Reason - I could see how my post could be misinterpreted as responding to yours.
I agree with your suggestion. And disagree with posts 2 and 3.
southie ji, it's the typical teenage stuff. thinking friends are better than family. she's probably not even listening to mom clearly at the moment. Khud hi do din ke baad sahi ho jae gi.
Ethan when I read OP what jumps out is her annoyance at mom for this unjustified judging of her friend. And encouraging gossip. These r good qualities in any person. In fact, we shouldn't take the last sentence from OP re disgust literally. The preceding sentences provide context. That is why post 2 comes across as too strong.
I think people are taking word "disgust" and thinking OP meant more by that then she did. She is just against the judging and gossiping which anyone would be if it was against a close friend who is also a best friend. OP, just talk to your mom about your feelings and clear up misunderstandings. Your friend has good relationship with your mother and maybe your mother was influenced by this desi aunty. After you explain she should be back to thinking how she did before.
Is this best friend of yours Indian? I heard you mention desi Aunty and i know from past comments you have close Indian friends.
If so, please don't break up with your close friend because of gossip. It really hurts when a friend does that especially another desi. I know the feeling myself. I know you won't do it but best thing is to just clear up misunderstandings and not hold onto any feelings either towards the mother or friend. It is the meddling desi Aunty's fault. She probably is envious of your friendship and wants to break it off hence her telling your mother. She maybe even jealous of how you are family friends etc. I wouldn't put it past meddling desi aunties with too much time on their hands who maybe have lost friends after marriage and so don't want to see others happy.
southie ji, it's the typical teenage stuff. thinking friends are better than family. she's probably not even listening to mom clearly at the moment. Khud hi do din ke baad sahi ho jae gi.
Aisi baat nahi hai. She didnt say her friend is better than family. She also said her friend has good relationship with her mother. It is misunderstanding and if parents are wrong about something and they are beiing judgemental nothing wrong in telling them that. Not in a rude way but in a nice way so they understand they are being manipulated by others to think wrong of someone who could be a great person. Parents are irreplaceable as is true friendship. It's no ordinary friend OP is talking about she is talking about her best friend.
Your mom's aunty-frand is the perfect example of why our society is so messed up.
I have pictures on facebook where I am next to a friend from work or school, I guess they'll say I'm sexually active too.
Maybe that's why I get zero rishtas from the community. Gossiping aunties = bane of my existence.
I get so annoyed my gossipy aunties. Especially those who call my mom to tell them that XYZ did this and that. And when my mom asks me about it.... I'm like seriously these aunties should stop talking about other people. Oh well.
Just educate your mom that your friend has a guy-friend, and they like each other and the appropriate MUSLIM response to this is to pray for them that they continue to grow in their love and get married. And that it is Islamically INAPPROPRIATE to be ASSUMING someone is sexually active just because they are talking to a guy. You have to talk to a guy to get to know him in order to know whether to marry him, and there is nothing wrong in this. We should simply pray for them that they achieve happiness through marriage.
I dunno, when I saw young guys and girls hooking up in the muslim community, I thought it was nice. Most of them ended up married, and those that didn't have gone on to meet other people and have gotten married. To say all these girls are sleeping around (and notice how we didn't mention the GUY is sleeping around as well), is not our place. We don't know what two people have done, so we shouldn't talk and spread ill word about anyone's reputation.
I think people are taking word "disgust" and thinking OP meant more by that then she did. She is just against the judging and gossiping which anyone would be if it was against a close friend who is also a best friend. OP, just talk to your mom about your feelings and clear up misunderstandings. Your friend has good relationship with your mother and maybe your mother was influenced by this desi aunty. After you explain she should be back to thinking how she did before.
Is this best friend of yours Indian? I heard you mention desi Aunty and i know from past comments you have close Indian friends.
If so, please don't break up with your close friend because of gossip. It really hurts when a friend does that especially another desi. I know the feeling myself. I know you won't do it but best thing is to just clear up misunderstandings and not hold onto any feelings either towards the mother or friend. It is the meddling desi Aunty's fault. She probably is envious of your friendship and wants to break it off hence her telling your mother. She maybe even jealous of how you are family friends etc. I wouldn't put it past meddling desi aunties with too much time on their hands who maybe have lost friends after marriage and so don't want to see others happy.
Yes my best friend is Indian and Muslim but that's not the point.. I'm definitely not leaving my friend because of gossip... It's just that it sucks when this gossip comes into your home and causes your mom to get wary about your friends.
Anyways I read about your problem with your friend on another thread.. I hope it resolves soon. <3