Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Parents have a lot of rights on children in Islam. If someone is using the Islam card they should know that the mother is rightly concerned. You can't pick and choose when it suits your argument. Discuss it with mum how you will but you will be on very thin ice, in fact in water if you try to back this silly argument with religion
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Parents have a lot of rights on children in Islam. If someone is using the Islam card they should know that the mother is rightly concerned. You can't pick and choose when it suits your argument. Discuss it with mum how you will but you will be on very thin ice, in fact in water if you try to back this silly argument with religion
That's exactly what I'm saying, Hmmna. Op cannot justify her friend having a bf or celebrating V-Day from a religious perspective. She will lose that argument and her mom is right in feeling concerned. When did I ever say that mom doesn't have the right?
But what can be done is to address the gossip issue and only that....because that's an infringement upon someone else's rights. As far as picking and choosing from religion goes...parents and kids alike do it all the time. The OP can simply and gently say that Ammi when we don't have solid proof that someone is sleeping around, it's wrong for us to so confidently accuse ANY girl of zina. Allah knows best if she did or didn't...par humay yoon kehna nahi chahiye. Baat khatam. Depends upon tone and how you go about it. To feel enraged/disgusted with your mom may be a silly, extreme reaction....but to make a civil/respectful attempt to salvage a person's rep from the fitna of gossip....it's not a silly argument. If we look only at the issue of gossip here, then I think there will be a unanimous agreement that it is wrong whether the gossiper is a kid or a parent. And kindly addressing this particular issue does not equate to "picking your friend over your mom." Keep others' children safe from your tongue and hopefully your kids will also stay safe. Good grief, tripping a kid in the masjid may be kinder than besmirching their rep without proof.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
If you feel disgust towards your mom, you don't deserve to have one.
What the world has come to, people love their friends and hate their parents.
W T F? HER MOTHER and that stupid aunty are the ones that are gossiping about her friend in the first place. GEEBATH IS FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM! Ok so she shouldn't be extremely pissed at her mother, but try and understand it from her point of view. Her mother is judging her friend and saying that she is sexually active based on SOME RANDOM AUNTY's WORD. DID THE RANDOM AUNTY WITNESS HER FRIEND IN THE ACT? NO ONE has a right to claim anyone is sexually active unless they saw it with their own eyes and even then we are told as Muslims to conceal our own and other's sins. This girl is obviously annoyed for good reason. It is her friend. IN NO WAY DOES THIS MEAN SHE IS PICKING HER MOTHER OVER HER FRIEND. When a parent is wrong they are wrong. Just being an elder doesn't mean you are always right.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Further to that she never said she HATES her mom. She is obviously annoyed with her mom because of how she is being towards her friend and what she said. To say she doesn't deserve to have a mom is extremely harsh. GROW UP.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Your mom is indicating to you her disapproval of that lifestyle, should you think about going that route. Thats about it. Its not about YOU.
PS: shasvefra and southi - when OP is able to speak for themselves why the two of you always go on about explaining on someone else's behalf, what gives?
Why not? If OP had no problems with me trying to put her post in context, what is it to you? This thread is not about savera or me. Why make it abt us? Just focus on OP and the thread. And don't worry abt what we post. OK?
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Are you people kidding me?
I do not know many desi parents who are fine with their girls having a boyfriend AND celebrating Valentine and posting that on facebook. And if such a person is your BFF, your mother is obviously right to be concerned, and show her disapproval of your friend. She has actually rightly judged the situation that she is having an influence on you as well, hence you getting mad at your mom.
If my child was BFF with this girl, I will definitely be concerned.
I can obviously understand Southie, since he ascribes to that lifestyle but I cannot get some others who come across differently in other aspects of life.
And what lifestyle would that be? Where we don't jump to conclusions? And treat everyone the same regardless of race religion gender and orientation?
Anyway OP is a very polite person. So I will respectfully step aside before this turns into back and forth.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
W T F? HER MOTHER and that stupid aunty are the ones that are gossiping about her friend in the first place. GEEBATH IS FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM! Ok so she shouldn't be extremely pissed at her mother, but try and understand it from her point of view. Her mother is judging her friend and saying that she is sexually active based on SOME RANDOM AUNTY's WORD. DID THE RANDOM AUNTY WITNESS HER FRIEND IN THE ACT? NO ONE has a right to claim anyone is sexually active unless they saw it with their own eyes and even then we are told as Muslims to conceal our own and other's sins. This girl is obviously annoyed for good reason. It is her friend. IN NO WAY DOES THIS MEAN SHE IS PICKING HER MOTHER OVER HER FRIEND. When a parent is wrong they are wrong. Just being an elder doesn't mean you are always right.
its nt about her friend is sexually active, its about bf/gf. And bf/gf are not allowed in ISLAM. Acording to her mother, her friend may induce Bf/gf type Germs in her daughter. Simple. Why are u twisting Ico's Post ?
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
W T F? HER MOTHER and that stupid aunty are the ones that are gossiping about her friend in the first place. GEEBATH IS FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM! Ok so she shouldn't be extremely pissed at her mother, but try and understand it from her point of view. Her mother is judging her friend and saying that she is sexually active based on SOME RANDOM AUNTY's WORD. DID THE RANDOM AUNTY WITNESS HER FRIEND IN THE ACT? NO ONE has a right to claim anyone is sexually active unless they saw it with their own eyes and even then we are told as Muslims to conceal our own and other's sins. This girl is obviously annoyed for good reason. It is her friend. IN NO WAY DOES THIS MEAN SHE IS PICKING HER MOTHER OVER HER FRIEND. When a parent is wrong they are wrong. Just being an elder doesn't mean you are always right.
Are you crazy? Where did she say her mom is spreading rumour, she said an aunt told her mom, ofcourse her mom will be concerned if she hears such things about her BFF from others, as others have eluded to.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
It’s not about her friend being sexually active? Oh really, Princjall? Tell me something then…WHY are Muslim parents SOOOOOOO terrified of their daughter (and sometimes son) having a boyfriend or girlfriend? What are the parents soooooo afraid that these relationships will lead to? Sex. It’s not “only” about having a bf or gf…it’s about the fear of such a relationship leading to zina and unwanted pregnancies and what not.
While having a bf is haraam…not all such relationships involve sex. There are many cases of Muslim girls and guys that are not sexually active despite having a bf/gf that they may be seriously considering for marriage. That is why it is wrong to accuse a girl of committing a zina when one does not have solid proof.
Disrespecting parents is among the gunnah-e-kabeera, but you’ll find unfounded zina accusations among the major sins as well. Such gossip can have far-reaching consequences for the girl and her family. It will hurt her izzat, her family’s izzat, maybe hinder rishtas, etc. It’s cruel. It creates problems for those being gossiped about and it also hurts the people who are wagging their tongues.
This is NOT a competition between OP and her mother. It’s not a battle of who is more religious or more right. The mother, as a parent, is absolutely right in being concerned about her daughter. The mother and aunti know-it-all are absolutely wrong in saying (without proof) that the friend is sexually active.
NOBODY is suggesting that the OP disrespect her parents or pick her friends over her parents.
If we’re gonna bring religion into it, then we have to be fair. Our religion is one of balance and fairness and you will find examples in Islamic history of children gently guiding the elders. It is not considered badtameezi unless one’s got an ego.
IF the OP adheres to her Islamic limits, then Alhudmolillah her mother has nothing to worry about. BUT…unfortunately…OP’s friend is not so lucky. Why? Because 1 aunti has already made the accusation that this girl is sexually active. And that 1 aunti…told OP’s mom…so now you have 2 auntis who believe this girl is committing zina. And we have NO idea…if Aunti #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) has told other Auntis the same thing. If she has, that means that there are several people who have some unsavory notions about this young girl and her family. So, Princejall, you are wrong. A mother being concerned about the company her daughter is keeping is actually a minor problem…compared to the much BIGGER problem of slander that has already resulted.
Nobody is “twisting” anything around or bashing the mother…or pitting parent against child. But please look at the issue in its entirety rather than focusing on ONLY the OP’s vexation.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
In my view dont share this with your friend right now. Where your mother may be coming from is
a- she is afraid that you will be impacted and influenced by company that has values and lifestyle your mom does not agree with b- she is afraid that even if you are not influenced, gossiping people would say you must be like that too since you are her friend
The best could be to let it go for now, but if it continues you have to address it with her. First understand what her main issue is and address it, i.e. it is not true, and even if it were true you dont just emulate everyone around you. This would also be a good time to address the issue with her believing in gossip and your disappointment in how she referred to your friend.
Last part is very tough, but you kinda have to do it. Your friend needs to know who is saying what. because if her reputation is being trashed by some gossipy lady, your friend and/or her family need to confront this person and shut her ass up. This is not easy and has a major chance of blowing up, but wouldn't you want to know if someone is spreading rumors about you in your community?
On a broader note and looking at all the comments, people need to understand that the challenge and opportunity of living in a diverse society is that we will have friends, neighbors, colleagues whose lifestyles and choices are not like ours, but a mutual respect has to be in place and we can't judge others by our set of standards
I thought people living in that society will know what "disgust" means and how its used. It was disgusting to see the word used by someone for their own mom. Havent seen that in 10 years on GS, but then there is always the first time.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Talk about a thread getting out of hand. Some real hypocrites up in here… Question is do I choose the dark side? 
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Seriously, the word disgust is not the key word here. I love my mom. We have disagreements, it's life.
Friends over family is not the issue here. It's just that I feel sad and bad that my mother hurt me by talking in such a way about my friend. Simple.
Thanks to others for the response. Yes, all I can is move on, I'm sure I'll be over this very soon and won't even remember it.
Choose your words carefully. I am sure you will have disagreements with you BFF too, tell her she disgusts you on something and see how long teh friendship lasts.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Who isn’t a hypocrite, CEO? I admit I’m a hypocrite. I make contradictions between my words and my actions. It’s not something I’m proud of. Sometimes I do this without thinking…and other times due to a weakness in nature. But it’s something we’ll all do. If you’re looking for contradictions in people’s behaviors, you will always find something to pounce upon in most everyone. We’re ALL hypocrites…some of us more than others, but we all contradict ourselves from time to time.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Who isn't a hypocrite, CEO? I admit I'm a hypocrite. I make contradictions between my words and my actions. It's not something I'm proud of. Sometimes I do this without thinking....and other times due to a weakness in nature. But it's something we'll all do. If you're looking for contradictions in people's behaviors, you will always find something to pounce upon in most everyone. We're ALL hypocrites....some of us more than others, but we all contradict ourselves from time to time.
Hello RV, Hope you're well..
My point does indicate my hypocritical side, :) . But I tend to stay away unless A) No work, B) Bored or C) Can't sleep.
I am still working it out.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Hypocrisy is obvious from this thread, where most rushed to suggest tell, tell, tell, even going on to anonymous letter, though no one had seen the “act”.
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/relationships/642648-would-you-intervene-3.html
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
Choose your words carefully. I am sure you will have disagreements with you BFF too, tell her she disgusts you on something and see how long teh friendship lasts.
Icono, look at her words below
How do I curb these feelings of extreme annoyance and disgust that I feel towards my mom after all that she has said? Sigh!
Op doesn't like feeling this way about her mom, she wants to get rid of the negativity....she doesn't want to fuel it. I think that's commendable. Not every kid feels bad or even self-conscious or internally sharminda about the angst they feel toward their parents.......and if OP does....then I consider this inner awareness a good sign, because it means that she'll be open to calming herself down.
Disgust is indeed a strong word, but I don't recall reading anywhere that OP actually told her mom that she felt "disgusted" with her. And if she didn't, then Alhumdolillah she exercised at least some verbal restraint/regard for her mom. The protective sentiments that a parent has for their child are not disgusting.....and I hope that OP understands that. But truth be told....to slander without proof....especially to level a charge as huge as zina.....is disgusting. For one to be the first to say something like that (without proof) is bad enough. For another person to repeat what the first person said ....is no better. Repeat karne wala yeh to soch sakta hai..."How does my fraand know for sure that this larki is sexually active?" Did she see it with her own eyes? If she hasn't then it's wrong for her to say it...and it would be wrong for me to repeat it." It doesn't matter whether it's a group of senseless teens gossiping about a girl being a hoe.....or whether it's a gaggle of namazi auntiyan.....it's without a doubt a shameful thing to do.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
^RV no one is perfect, and we don't know what her mom intended. May be she just wanted to convey to her that how people are talking about her BFF. However, the sentiments expressed by her towards her mom were too strong. No one should do that.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
^Icono, difference between sentiments felt and sentiments expressed. We don't know how OP spoke to her mom. Ho sakta hai that the language she used in her thread is much stronger than the tone and words she used with her mom. If she actually expressed to her mom that she feels disgusted with her.....then yeah I agree that's out of line. But I don't blame her for feeling disturbed by the sick comments circulating about her friend; that is only natural.
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
THANK YOU! Agreed 100%. You are truly the voice of reason on GS! 
Re: Mom saying stuff about your friends
^Icono, difference between sentiments felt and sentiments expressed. We don't know how OP spoke to her mom. Ho sakta hai that the language she used in her thread is much stronger than the tone and words she used with her mom. If she actually expressed to her mom that she feels disgusted with her.....then yeah I agree that's out of line. But I don't blame her for feeling disturbed by the sick comments circulating about her friend; that is only natural.
Iconoclast, i did not speak to my mom rudely when she said it. in fact i kept quiet to avoid dispute.
thanks RV.