Mom given custody back..

[Ghost14]

Re: Mom given custody back..

There's no right answer for that question. As I read the situation, the father broke the law (whether you agree with the ruling or not), therefore the mother should get custody. However, at this point, whether because of brainwashing or not, the daughter clearly does not want to go. There's no right answer.

Personally, I think there should be a transition period. The mother should spend some time with the daughter in Pakistan, and the father should explain to the daughter why she has to go to France now. Legally the court made the right decision but in reality I'm not sure.

[Nisha25]

Re: Mom given custody back..

what causes grown people to act like kids and think selfishly especially when it comes to a little child?

feeding all kinds of false information to a child about her mother so she would think the mom is some witch, i guess people don't think about what effect all that is going to have on a child(i guess it started when she was 6) and how messed up in the head she will be. a child needs both mother and father but ones that are grown ups

[Mehnaz]

Re: Mom given custody back..

Father's can do no wrong. I am really not surprised at the people supporting this notion.

TLK - the man broke the law. There was a court ruling. He broke the court order. He removed the child out of the home country without permission of hte mother. He refused to return the child. He hid, since 2008, after a Pakistani court ruling ordering him to return the child. If that is not kidnapping, then what is it?

The Betty Mahmoody case is a completely different situation. There was no court ruling in that case. None whatsoever. Custody was not decided. The parents were not divorced. The family, (husband/wife and daughter) all went together to Iran on vacation and then the husband decided they were going to remain there permanently. If you look at Irani law, if man and wife divorce, custody automatically goes to the father. There is no trial or notion of Joint Custody and being a (potentially divorced) American living in Iran, the wife would have had no rights or access to the child at all under the law. In fact, she would have mostlikely been thrown into jail or deported.

At this point, they were not divorced but she decided she would flee with the daughter as he refused to let them return to America.

Totally different circumstances and very silly to compare the situations ...

and NomiCA, if you want to discuss the effects on the child, then clearly state that in your opening post rather than posting a video link saying "oh the child is crying and has to go back to the mom". Learn to communicate effectively in the future.

I'm out of this thread.

[NomiCA]

Re: Mom given custody back..

@Mehnaz

and NomiCA, if you want to discuss the effects on the child, then clearly state that in your opening post rather than posting a video link saying “oh the child is crying and has to go back to the mom”. Learn to communicate effectively in the future.

I’m out of this thread.

why don’t you learn to read first
or may be it was somehow overlooked by you since you couldn’t make yourself go past the father’s crime…being all overtly emotional in your feminazi hissy fit.

but i am quoting my first post again… its in bold…may be you can read it…if you have trouble deciphering ( i know my english isn’t perfect) let me know…

and also… if you somehow skipped, now you read my second post in which i explained it… just because the first didn’t elaborate , you are not going to reply??? thats interesting , i must say.

@NomiCA

so this was in the news recently…

will the kid be able live with her mom and happy ever after,??
it really in the best interest of the child??
could she reconcile with her etc??
since she ain’t little baby..she is 11 already…

this is the second post…

@NomiCA

what i wanted to discuss was the effect on the child…without going into the right/wrong of what father did or the mother did…

due to the circumstances, the child did end up staying with the father… and now being removed suddenly and taken to the mother ,albeit perfectly legal, must have some effects… the point i wanted to raise posting the video…

legal battles do get won and lost…but the point to discuss was, whether it would be ideal for a child to be removed like that??

now care to comment ??

[Muzna]

Re: Mom given custody back..

how is anyone here being a "feminazi"?

I'm confused......

[partyslims]

Re: Mom given custody back..

@Muzna

how is anyone here being a "feminazi"?

I'm confused......

It occurs when some people encounter women who can express their thoughts in an intelligible manner.

[Jaanwar]

Re: Mom given custody back..

^ Oi, don't!

[Ghost14]

Re: Mom given custody back..

@partyslims

It occurs when some people encounter women who can express their thoughts in an intelligible manner.

"I feel that 'man-hating' is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them." -- Robin Morgan

Thoughts expressed in an intelligible manner? Check

Feminazi? Obviously not, just a woman with an opinion

[NomiCA]

Re: Mom given custody back..

@partyslims

It occurs when some people encounter women who can express their thoughts in an intelligible manner.

not if the thoughts are on topic and the question being asked........instead of going on tangent to discuss to to death what was already done before too

[Jaanwar]

Re: Mom given custody back..

"I feel that 'man-hating' is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them." -- Robin Morgan

Thoughts expressed in an intelligible manner? Check

Feminazi? Obviously not, just a woman with an opinion

^ Oi, don't!

.

[Ghost14]

Re: Mom given custody back..

^ Yeah this. I was just making the funnies with my post above (in case anyone doesn't get that). Let's just play nice kiddies.

[Muzna]

Re: Mom given custody back..

not if the thoughts are on topic and the question being asked........instead of going on tangent to discuss to to death what was already done before too

so how many people actually stuck to your topic?
and when people veered from your intended subject, what efforts, if any did you make to redirect them?
finally.....how effective were your efforts before you decided it was time to name-call?

[bebo]

Re: Mom given custody back..

She fought so long for her daughter and now both of them have even harder times ahead. That girl will have all sorts of issues with her mother.
That father and his entire family are monsters to seperate a little girl from her mother for that long. That girl is terrified to be separated from the family she knew and judging from her cries it is evident that she had been fed a very negative picture of her mom.
I am surprised that people are even considering that somehow what the father did was right because may be the mother was not a good mother. If she was not a good mother she would not have fought that long and hard battle to get her daughter back.

[NomiCA]

Re: Mom given custody back..

so how many people actually stuck to your topic?

very few

and when people veered from your intended subject, what efforts, if any did you make to redirect them?

My first post was quite clear...and i don't think our intelligible posters were unable to read/understand it

finally.....how effective were your efforts before you decided it was time to name-call?

name-call??......where did i do that?

**despite my attempt in first post...and then later......the only thing that people seem to get stuck to is......the background......and not about what i explicitly explained..

a further example would be yourself.....despite knowing the question......you are still not contributing anything to the question about the child's future or the adjustment issues the child might have......here you are.....derailing the thread by making it about 'name-calling' etc.. ** i would appreciate if the question posed can be answered...... ** **thanks

.

[Muzna]

Re: Mom given custody back..

@NomiCA

@Muzna

so how many people actually stuck to your topic?

very few

and when people veered from your intended subject, what efforts, if any did you make to redirect them?

My first post was quite clear…and i don’t think our intelligible posters were unable to read/understand it

finally…how effective were your efforts before you decided it was time to name-call?

name-call??..where did i do that?

**despite my attempt in first post…and then later…the only thing that people seem to get stuck to is…the background…and not about what i explicitly explained..

a further example would be yourself…despite knowing the question…you are still not contributing anything to the question about the child’s future or the adjustment issues the child might have…here you are…derailing the thread by making it about ‘name-calling’ etc..
**
**i would appreciate if the question posed can be answered…
**
thanks

if very few people actually stuck to the topic
and you agree that people participating in the thread are “intelligible”
then the following must be true:

1. either your post was clear to you but not to others,
2. people were not interested in discussing the subject matter that you presented/intended,
3. people were pre-occupied by a recently launched discussion in another thread and parallels were drawn between this and that.

to answer your questions in post #74

in your post #64 not only did you call Mehnaz a “feminazi”, you were insulting and obnoxious in your approach when you suggested that she should “learn to read” and that she was having a “hissy fit”…

@NomiCA

why don’t you learn to read first
or may be it was somehow overlooked by you since you couldn’t make yourself go past the father’s crime…being all overtly emotional in your feminazi hissy fit.

and as far as my “derailing” the thread is concerned…I am acting as moderator and directing your attention to why a thread that you started did not have the desired results.

[NomiCA]

Re: Mom given custody back..

@Muzna

if very few people actually stuck to the topicand you agree that people participating in the thread are “intelligible” then the following must be true:1. either your post was clear to you but not to others,…**the reply of the ‘few’ proves it was clear
**
2. people were not interested in discussing the subject matter that you presented/intended,
3. people were pre-occupied by a recently launched discussion in another thread and parallels were drawn between this and that
… **probably… the reason for my responses and ‘namecalling’ in my 2nd post
**
to answer your questions in post #74

in your post #64 not only did you call Mehnaz a “feminazi”, you were insulting and obnoxious in your approach when you suggested that she should “learn to read” and that she was having a “hissy fit”…

**perhaps you overlooked this part of mehnaz’s post…
**

@Mehnaz

and NomiCA, if you want to discuss the effects on the child, then clearly state that in your opening post rather than posting a video link saying "oh the child is crying and has to go back to the mom". Learn to communicate effectively in the future.I’m out of this thread.

**what she said highlighted above, was" insulting and she was obnoxious in her approach to suggest that i should’ve learnt to communicate…and suggesting i was out to portray the mother as evil or soemthing… therefore i responded accordingly
**
and as far as my “derailing” the thread is concerned…I am acting as moderator and directing your attention to why a thread that you started did not have the desired results.

**sorry about that…its really hard to figure when you are being a mod or posting as an ordinary member…i see you are trying to re-rail the thread…i apologise for the accusation.
**

.

PS..i am still interested in your response to the question i raised.

[Reha]

Re: Mom given custody back..

Taking away a child'd right to a happy childhood is wrong. You don't have to stay married but you DO have to raise your child together. A man or woman has no right to shatter that.

What the father did was wrong...brainwashing his daughter into calling her own mother "kutti"? What kind of jihalat and selfishness is that? Using your daughter to get back at your ex-wife? She's her mother, even if she's gori. Its disgusting.

In his own mind, he might have been doing the right thing, out of love. But it was NOT in the best interest of the child. He hurt his daughter.

[Muzna]

Re: Mom given custody back..

@NomiCA

@Muzna

if very few people actually stuck to the topicand you agree that people participating in the thread are “intelligible” then the following must be true:1. either your post was clear to you but not to others,…**the reply of the ‘few’ proves it was clear
**

Actually the opposite is true…if many had replied then the message was clear…because the rate of accurate reply was low means the message was, in fact, not clear.

@NomiCA

2. people were not interested in discussing the subject matter that you presented/intended,
3. people were pre-occupied by a recently launched discussion in another thread and parallels were drawn between this and that
   … **probably… the reason for my responses and ‘namecalling’ in my 2nd post
   **

so are you justifying your “namecalling” by suggesting that perhaps 2 and 3 were true?

@NomiCA

**perhaps you overlooked this part of mehnaz’s post…
**

@Mehnaz

and NomiCA, if you want to discuss the effects on the child, then clearly state that in your opening post rather than posting a video link saying "oh the child is crying and has to go back to the mom". Learn to communicate effectively in the future.I’m out of this thread.

**what she said highlighted above, was" insulting and she was obnoxious in her approach to suggest that i should’ve learnt to communicate…and suggesting i was out to portray the mother as evil or soemthing… therefore i responded accordingly
**

first and foremost…two wrongs don’t make a right.
using someone else’ transgressions as an excuse does not work to justify your own.

perhaps less important but significant nonetheless…when she told you to “learn to communicate more effectively” it is obvious that she is one of those participants in the thread that did not clearly understand what you hoped to accomplish in the discussion thereby proving the original point that your message was not conveyed well. maybe the sentences placed below the video link would have been more strategically positioned above it…

if I count you amongst the “intelligible” folks in the thread then it should be crystal clear to you that this thread, launched in close proximity to the other thread that discussed similar subject matter, might be sub-consciously linked in the members’ minds and parallels drawn… the onus was on you, the OP, to ensure that your distinct message was not mis-communicated in any way.

@NomiCA

**sorry about that…its really hard to figure when you are being a mod or posting as an ordinary member…i see you are trying to re-rail the thread…i apologise for the accusation.
**

no worries.

PS..i am still interested in your response to the question i raised.
[/QUOTE]

I’ll put my response in a separate post to keep the message clear.

[Muzna]

Re: Mom given custody back..

Even after you appeared in the thread three prior times (post #10, 29 and 41) here's where you clarified your original post...for the first time.....at the bottom of the third page of replies.....post #60 in a thread of 78 posts so far....

and mind you......the crack about "feminazi thickness" is not entirely conducive to encouraging healthy discussion.....but I suppose that's what makes you so unique.

@NomiCA

i hope the feminazi thickness has subsided.......and the question i raised gets answered.......... the whole shebang about fatehr kidnapping or not was discussed to death in previous two threads...

what i wanted to discuss was the effect on the child.....without going into the right/wrong of what father did or the mother did.........

due to the circumstances, the child did end up staying with the father........... and now being removed suddenly and taken to the mother ,albeit perfectly legal, must have some effects.... the point i wanted to raise posting the video.......

legal battles do get won and lost.......but the point to discuss was, whether it would be ideal for a child to be removed like that??

in answer to your original and subsequently clarified question:

The road ahead for mother and daughter will not be easy. There will be many, many obstacles and barriers.....cultural, language, religious and what not. One can only hope that the mother will take an enlightened approach to the situation and employ all resources available to help her re-establish the bond that should exist between parent and child.

While the child has likely had many concepts and beliefs ingrained in her....either by choice or otherwise.....she is still only 11 years old and has a great deal of growing, both physical and mental, ahead of her.

I am certainly not an authority on the matter of rehabilitation in such cases however, if I think back upon my own life, I can safely say that I have grown much in the past 10 years of my life...my views and opinions have changed. By the same token she is only a child....certainly she will grow, learn and mature and find a healthy balance....iA.

Would it be ideal for a child to be removed like that?
That depends......what does her future hold in her current situation? Will a short-term trauma be worth the heartache for a better future? Only time will tell.
Either you need to further define the parameters of the question to get a more direct answer or you have to accept that nobody can really say.......

[Ma_Mooli]

Re: Mom given custody back..

There was a similar case in the UK, where the parents divorced when the child was a toddler. The mum kept the child away from the dad by moving several times to different cities, and remarried. The child grew up thinking his step dad was his real dad. Ten years later, when real dad tracked his son down, he went to court for custody, but the court ordered him to stay away until the kid turned 16. Three years later, after psychologically assessing the child, he was then informed at 16 about his biological dad. He chose to stay on with his mum and refused contact with his father, and that choice was respected.

would it be acceptable in this case to have forcibly handed him over to a dad he never knew, at 13 for the same reason that his mum had 'kidnapped him'?