Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
1) Whenever we have an argument on msn he proceeds to save the conversations and then brings them to show me whenever I see him. I guess to show me what a horrible person I am.
If he thinks you're horrible, why is he with you? More importantly, why do you choose to be with someone who thinks you're a horrible person or whose actions frequently reflect this sentiment?
2) Yes, I have a slight past. Nothing major- just a few weeks of getting to know a guy before him to see if it could work long-term. It obviously didnt. But the person I am with now loves holding it against me- how much it hurts him that I was communicating with some other guy etc etc etc. Once again, I am a horrible person.
His views are unrealistic because...he'd be hard-pressed to find a girl who didn't have a "past." He seems like the kind of guy who can't tolerate a girl having a past.....but would expect her to be okay with him (or guys in general) having previous girlfriend/s. Even he KNOWS that you can't erase or undo your past......that it's out of your control.......but he CHOOSES to make you feel miserable about it. He CHOOSES to hurt you. He doesn't care about you.....he doesn't respect you. You can make as many excuses about him as you want. You can reminisce over all the moments he was nice/sweet/romantic......but they amount to very little in comparison to these toxic habits of his.
3) He is unable to tell his parents about us for anywhere between another 1.5- 2 years. I'm not getting any younger.
Well, none of us get "younger" with each passing year. But.....you will definitely AGE FASTER....if you marry him or continue to be in a relationship with him. And if you're afraid to let go of him because of age.......then you're settling.
4) When we argue he pushes me away. My solution is to communicate and solve problems before they get bigger- with everyone, not just him. He just..pushes me away..then keeps getting madder and madder. Until eventually I start blaming myself. Yes, I am horrible.
**Look, if you were 100% sure that this guy is "the one"......you wouldn't have created this thread. The fact that you did create it shows that you have doubts about this relationship and rightly so. You're already miserable right now. What makes you think that you'll be any happier if you were hitched to him? Don't think that you might be able to "change" him. You can't change someone. That realization has to come from the individual......and if he is confident in his insecurity and errant/abusive views....he's not gonna change. This is the way he deals with things. Bad habits die hard. And sometimes, they don't die at all.
**In all of this I am not saying i'm perfect because I know i'm far from it...but..surely..if your'e in love with someone then all of the above (except maybe 3 shouldnt be happening?)
**Foundation of love is MUTUAL respect. That does not exist in your relationship......hence it's NOT love. It's more of you settling for this toxic guy because you're afraid that you're running out of time and won't find anyone who can at the very least...give you that basic respect. Yes, he is to blame. But so are you.....because you have to ask yourself why on EARTH you'd even allow yourself to go through this? Is it low self-esteem on your part? If so,.........then maybe he can sense that you struggle with self-esteem......he can sense that you don't have much confidence........he can sense that you're weak and don't respect yourself.........so he knows it's easier for him to manipulate you.
And just watch. Once you make that confident decision to dump him.....it'll take him by surprise......and he'll come running back to you begging you not to leave him. But even that emotional outpouring does not mean that he will change his ways. Don't be fooled by sweet words and crocodile tears.
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I have never felt so horrible in my whole life. I have been through so much in the past few years that right now I just wish I was dead. I literally sit on the prayer mat after namaaz and cry and cry when making dua..but for some reason..Allah mian isn't listening to me..
**^That's a rather strong statement. Maybe the fact that you're realizing what a loser he is.........is Allah's inspiration. Maybe He is trying to make your realize that you're not happy. Allah's not going to manifest Himself and give you a direct answer. He has given you aqal and intellect....and a conscience....and the ability to reason. He's given you eyes with which to see what's happening in this relationship and heart that knows the difference between right and wrong.....Allah has given you the tools to help you reach a decision. And it seems you're inclined toward leaving this guy. Life is short to begin with, Ria. Don't make it even shorter by marrying him. Respect yourself.
Allah has forbidden oppression for Himself and His servants. But when you allow yourself to be oppressed and abused......it's not only stupid........it's also a gunnah. So you'd be just as guilty as him if you were to willingly continue this relationship. Your past is b/w you and Allah. It's His forgiveness you'd need.........not your stupid boyfriend's. The fact that he acts like you should be seeking his approval or forgiveness over things that never involved him.........reflects his arrogance. Dump his butt....move on.
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Thankyou.
^You're welcome.