Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
...how can a councillor make this feeling of hopelessness go away? :(
Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
as someone mentioned you have a lot of insecurity issues yourself. Someone can only help you if you want to help yourself
get over the guy already. jeez!!
Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
No need to sound impatient/rude. If you're so fed up with my thread then kindly refrain from replying. You have no god damn idea what I'm feeling right now so don't try and make me feel worse. Of course I want to be helped- if I didn't I wouldn't be here.
Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
first you need to see your gp tell him whole situation
Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
No need to sound impatient/rude. If you're so fed up with my thread then kindly refrain from replying. You have no god damn idea what I'm feeling right now so don't try and make me feel worse. Of course I want to be helped- if I didn't I wouldn't be here.
Nobody is being rude and in a public forum be ready for all types of responses.
Besides you sound like an 'ungrateful' girl .
Be thankful to God for what you have, parents, siblings, friends, a good brain that you make use of in uni, health etc....
All I meant was have some self respect.....u cant stop whining over a guy who is so rude & mentally sick, u still pick up his calls after breaking up... angry at yourself for doing it, seriously, have control over yourself...you're not a kid.....you're a mature adult
You said you have a dysfunctional family...who says that about their family?? no matter how they are, they are still your own...& this guy whom you thought listened to you has robbed you of all your confidence, & you still cant seem to get over him.....how dense does one has to be to gain some "aqal"
marriages break, accidents happen, loved ones die, people go through all kinds of mishaps & try to get over it....yours is just an affair ( no matter how you put it, there's no friendship allowed in religion between a guy & a girl before marriage, no matter how serious they may be)
Be brave & be thankful for what you have
Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
I feel so...broken right now...I have told him to stop calling me yet he continues to just to tell me how horrible I am. I don't understand...why...I had to meet him if it wasn't going to work? Is this some cruel twist of fate?
*^You say that your family is dysfunctional and that you wanted someone who would just "listen" to you (since you weren't getting that from family). What makes you think you're getting that need fulfilled by him? You made a very simple request: "stop calling me." And rather than "listen" to you........he continues to tell you how "horrible" you are. Perhaps I'd have a bit more sympathy if this guy would call you and apologize for hurting you and beg and plead you to take him back. But he hasn't done that. Instead he calls you back to hurt you....to abuse you....to kick you when you're already down. If he truly were a "good listener"........he would respect your wishes and not call you again. And if he were a "good listener" during this pseudorelationship......he would have "listened" to how hurt you were this whole time and tried to work with you to improve things. Listening is an integral part of communication. And without communication.....there is no relationship. You don't have a relationship, Ria. You need to come to terms with that. It was more of a one-sided abusive affair. * I'm angry at myself for picking up his calls...a part of me is terrified of being lonely...my family is quite dysfunctional and I guess...he just..listened to me. Sometimes.
**You picked up his calls.......so blame yourself. Like I told you earlier, you can only blame him to an extent......and then you have to blame yourself for....not respecting yourself enough to stand by your beliefs. A guy who "sometimes listens" to you is not good enough. I know of girls who got married a bit later in life but they're happy. Allah has a plan for everyone. It's Ramzan, try to find some peace in prayer. All this time that you're wasting in crying over someone that simply can't respect women.......could be used to 1) To pray/make dua/do dhirk/reflect over your blessings.....2)Connecting with people who sincerely care about you such as friends .....3)Reaching out to your family....they may be dysfunctional but you could try connecting with them......4) Doing some volunteer/charity work, etc.
If you think that it's better to be in an abusive relationship than to be alone...........then think about this: You're not happy with him. You're already miserable. Being decked out in bridal finery.....and getting married will bring you short-lived happiness, Ria. After that......you'll go back to dealing with his abuse again. His attitude will take a toll on your health......on your peace of mind.....on your relationship with others.......you can't even raise a family with a guy like that.
Why do you not respect yourself? I'm not trying to be mean here, but YOU are the ROOT of the problem here. A woman who respected herself would have kicked him out ages ago and never looked back. There's a saying that you teach people how to treat you. When people can sense and see that you respect yourself.....they tend to think twice about disrespecting you.....cuz they know that you won't put up with it. So people are smart.....they can perceive things about us. And you know what? I think this guy can sense that you don't respect yourself. He has picked up that you're weak. He has realized that you are afraid to be alone.....so afraid that you'd be desperate enough to put up with any crap from him. He has figured out that you're easy to manipulate.....easy to break. He probably already knew that YOU would PICK UP THE PHONE when he'd call......to him it may come as no surprise. He feels no hesitation in hurting you. And that in itself is the biggest indication the he doesn't truly love or care about you (even if he claims he does). Ria, don't make the mistake of thinking that there must be something wrong with you as a woman which causes him to treat you like dirt. Nope. This is how he treats women in general with the exception of perhaps his female family members. You can't win with him sweetheart, ......no woman can win with him. He can never see himself as being wrong. It's a never-ending battle.
** What do I do...how do I feel better about myself? How do I forget him and the past and how do I strengthen my faith again? Right now I just feel lost, depressed and broken. I feel like killing myself for being so naive and for letting myself get hurt again...please someone tell me how to move on...how to banish these thoughts...how to get back on track...what do I do.
*How do you feel better about yourself? First, you need to realize that you're being dependent upon a guy for your self-worth. You don't need a guy in your life (especially an abusive one like him) to determine your self-worth. You don't need to validate yourself through him. Life doesn't end when you're single. Don't enter relationships with the mind-set that the other person will make you "complete" or "whole" or an individual of worth. That's unhealthy. How do you forget him? The thing is you can't forget. Your brain won't allow it. If your brain can remember the silliest details of people/places/things that you see.....such as what color someone was wearing.........then your brain also can't forget the events in your life that had greater impact on you. It's impossible. **BUT....what you can do.....is move on from it. Now that IS possible. Trust me, with time....the intensity of the pain and those feelings will decrease. It may not happen quickly....but you'll get there. As cliche as it sounds...time does heal wounds. BUT....this depends upon your own will power. If you're weak and give in....it'll take more time. If you're strong....don't pick up the phone....don't respond to text messages or emails.....don't agree to meet him anywhere.....throw away reminders of him.....and get yourself involved in positive activities (taking a class, getting a job, a vacation, a hobby, volunteer work, etc)......you'll be too busy to think of him.....and you increase your chances of meeting new and better people.
You can open up a million threads seeking advice on how to get out of this emotional slump.......and all the advice will mean zilch if you don't decide to take care of yourself and be strong about it. It really starts with you.
**
:(
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You should feel proud of yourself for 1) having the ability to realize that he's not treating you right.....2) having the courage to end the relationship.
Now you just need the strength to continue with this same resolve (and not respond to him at all). This will be tough because arrogant people like him can't stand to be ignored and will try contact you. But you need to remember that he never learns from his mistakes whenever he contacts you. In other words he doesn't apologize.........he only calls you back to make you feel horrible again. Even in contacting you...he still has the "me, me, me, all about me" mentality. Keep in mind that even if he were to shed tears and beg to have you back and make promises that he'll treat you better............don't fall for it. People don't change easily. And if he truly were interested in making things "better".......he would have tried doing that A LONG time ago...........he wouldn't have let the relationship deteriorate to this point. So, stay strong. You can do it. Life is short, life is precious. Don't waste another moment of your life on him. Don't give him the power to take that away from you. No more responding or talking to him. I'd even remove things that remind you of of him. It's up to you to decide when you want to start a new chapter in your life....the sooner the better.
Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
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h...also I asked him that I he was going to tell me on Monday what the issue is why did he have to show me mood on the phone, msn etc? Why not pretend to be normal instead of making it soo obvious that koi thakleef hai?
The writing documens in WORD stuff made me mad...whyy not just SAY stuff instead of WRITING it? I remember about 1 month back he actually presented me with a neatly typed 9-10 page word processed document outlining why I suck.
I wish I felt better about myself so that no one could make me feel horrible :(
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This is obviously all about him..and how he feels, your feelings are not important to him. Hence the reason he cant accept you dumping him. His type people often cant, and sometime resort to extreme measures. Nevertheless, you have ended the relationship, that is your first step out of the mess.
There is no need to answer his calls or read his word documents....there is no point keeping in touch- break it off completely. Yes you'll feel crappy for a while, but it wont be long when you'll thank your lucky stars (and God), that you got rid of him.
Re: Miserable, Confused and Just Can't Take It..Help please..
Get back at him...keep his documents and stuff he's tortured you with, then when he has the next GF show it to her.......nothing like a bit of sweet revenge to make you feel better.