:aq: Actually none.
But I would do that.
Re: MIL
If her cancer has been controlled by chemo, I think you're being overly cautious. You don't REALLY need to live with them, but things do happen, so it's understandable you want to be there to catch any new symptoms.
But, yeah, it's gonna be hard on any new bride you take in. She'll say it's ok, but it will be hard for her being on a new turf.
If her cancer has been controlled by chemo, I think you're being overly cautious. You don't REALLY need to live with them, but things do happen, so it's understandable you want to be there to catch any new symptoms.
But, yeah, it's gonna be hard on any new bride you take in. She'll say it's ok, but it will be hard for her being on a new turf.
his mum is currently undergoing chemo! nausea, vomitting, constant tummy aches, tiredness, feeling upset just to name a few of the side effects - who would think of leaving their mother in that state, even if the chemo is working?
god forbid that happened to my MIL and even if she was coping with the chemo, i would move in with her this afternoon.
Allhumdullilah she has been taken care of by chemo.
My parents are pretty healthy at the moment but considering what they have been through anything can happen in the future.
good to hear the chemo is working alhamdolilah.
As part of the classic extended family setup - no way. But if my MIL was elderly (60/65+, not forties/fifties like most MILS are when their sons tie the knot), lonely or disabled and had no-one to look after her I'd gladly take her into our house with us. No way would I live in someone else's house (doesn't make a difference what size the house is either, I'd need to be able to feel as tho I was in my own home)..
Also, if she did live with us she would not be able to interfere in how my kids are brought up. My cousin has her grandma living with her family and she constantly tells the girls they are not dressed 'decently', makes comments like 'why do u let her go to medical school, she should just get married' etc. etc. This sort of stuff would drive me absolutely mad..
so you pretty much want a man to leave his mother for you. Mother who raised him and was there for him all his life In our culture if a man who leaves his mother for a woman, would get no respect from me. A woman walks into his life and tells him "move out, leave ur your parents" and he does. screw him. Any woman who wants you to leave your mother for her, isn't the woman who want be with. Just my opinion
so the girl has to leave her parents but the guy can't??? what crap
there are plenty of guys who wuldn't mind living with ur parents.. go find em.. leave those alone who don't want to leave their parents.
That's the impression I had of most MIL's today - that they're able to live on their own (w/ husbands, other kids, and even on their own), until they get into older age and need to be around family.
But apparently, that's not the case...
what makes you think parents don't need to around family when they are in 40's? what makes you think they would need them more at 60? money??
what if they have money?? couldn't it be b/c they love to be with their son till they die?? what's wrong with this?
I said she could live with us in our house if she was old or lonely but I wouldn’t live with his entire family in their home. Practically every other race of men are able to leave their mummies and daddies homes without kicking up a fuss so I can’t really understand what the problem is for some Pakistani/Indian/Bangladeshi guys. In almost every single other culture (inc Muslims ones) a man isn’t considered a real man if he’s not willing to grow up and provide a separate home for his new wife. By wanting to live separate he’s not ‘leaving her’ anyway, there are things called phones if she needs to speak to him and he can visit as often as he wants, also wouldn’t encourage him to move far away anyway, a half-hour’s drive or so at most if possible..
Also, many of our own dads moved to the west permanently, how come they aren’t labelled as ‘abandoning’ their families?? There were jobs ‘back home’ if they really wanted to stay there to look after their families.. oh yeah stupid me they weren’t married back then so no wife to blame for ‘taking away’ their precious sons 
what makes you think parents don't need to around family when they are in 40's? what makes you think they would need them more at 60? money?? what if they have money?? couldn't it be b/c they love to be with their son till they die?? what's wrong with this?
Loving someone doesn't mean u have to be living with them till the day they die.. That's over-attachment and not very healthy (for parents or son/daughter) imo.
Obviously inlaws in their 60s/70s/80s need more help and looking after (I don't mean financially cos a lot of them are living much more simply by then, mortgage prob already paid off etc) than those in their forties.
Also, I really can't see how people in their forties need their kids around (unless they're ill)?? Don't they have jobs and their own social lives?? I'd find it a bit odd if ppl that age were so emotionally or physically dependent on having their sons around all the time..
Re: MIL
I am assuming she is off the chemotherapy hence why it's not active cancer.
Of course no one should be alone when on chemotherapy.
I think Deeba summed it up.
:k:
what makes you think parents don't need to around family when they are in 40's? what makes you think they would need them more at 60? money?? what if they have money?? couldn't it be b/c they love to be with their son till they die?? what's wrong with this?
Parents who have only daughters would theoretically have the same need and yet there is no cultural obligation for the damaad to move in with his in-laws.
Re: MIL
Aside from sickness or physical issues, no one has given any solid reasons for why living in your parents home is any better than living in your own home within reachable distance of parents.
Everything you can do from living with them, you can still do if you live 30 minutes away.
And if finances are an issue, then get your act together before you get married.
Re: MIL
interesting thread.
There are clear advantages but it may take a lifetme to actually understand.
Re: MIL
I love my MIL.
I'm a hijabi and I love with my inlaws, SIL and Devar.
I have my own basement apartment with a kitchen and all, and I do all my cooking there. Then I would bring it up and we all eat together. I dont cook entire meals, just a dish and MIL does the rest.
I think we both help each other out. I love it.
And whenever I do go upstairs and devar is around, I would just put my scarf on (it's always by the stairs going upstairs) and grab a cardigan. No biggie.
the basement apartment is a great idea...its like I live on my own (i do my own decor, laundry, cleaning, etc) without any say from MIL - and she does the same upstairs (but she does love my taste , yay!)
and with the separate entrance, hubby and I coudl come and go as we please.
Im a happy camper, alhumdulillah. :)
:k: Mashallah
Re: MIL
^ Now what if you didn't have your own space, and you were, as the thread states, truly living with her - sharing all space except maybe bedroom space?
Re: MIL
Because I don't think Afshi's situation counts. She basically has her own apartment. So what if it's in the basement? It's no different than living two doors down, which would qualify as you being the horrible bahu who stole her son away.
Re: MIL
nah i definitely didnt steal her son..i just gave her another daughter to love :)
Well alhumdulillah, my hubby and inlaws understand the importance of space, marriage and living with inlaws. Obviously, I wont be living in the basement my entire life and when i have kids...we wont be living there in the basement. But when the time comes, then i'll think about it. I do want to live close to my inlaws thats for sure. And I do want to take care of them when that need arises too.
I am assuming she is off the chemotherapy hence why it's not active cancer.
Of course no one should be alone when on chemotherapy.
I think Deeba summed it up.
Yea my mom is off chemo now alhumdullilah. Both my parents are pretty healthy, they go to the gym regularly - well they need to.
I was surprised to see that most ppls parents are or will be in their 40s when they get married. My mom will be in her mid-fifties and dad will be in his early 60s.