Everything that is wrong with being a mommy’s girl. Obviously, you don’t plan on moving in with her parents to preserve her love relationship with her mother.
That’s the impression I had of most MIL’s today - that they’re able to live on their own (w/ husbands, other kids, and even on their own), until they get into older age and need to be around family.
But apparently, that’s not the case…
I would love to live with my wife like that but since I’m the only son I will have to look after my parents - especially considering the fact that my parents will need someone to look after their health which is why I can’t leave them alone.
I know my dad (has 2 more bros) left his mom so my mother didn’t live with her MIL but for me the case is different.
Is that going to be a turn-off factor for girls??
Re: MIL
Every girl is different mclovin.You just have to find the right one for you
Everything that is wrong with being a mommy's girl. Obviously, you don't plan on moving in with her parents to preserve her love relationship with her mother.
Honestly speaking I don't mind her parents living me. If there is one thing I hate most, it is hypocrisy - I will never expect something from my wife which I won't be able to give to her.
I would love to live an independent life - just my wife and me - but my parents health won't allow it and plus I'm the only son.
Every girl is different mclovin.You just have to find the right one for you
sigh.....another hiccup in my search for the one.
Re: MIL
Do you think your dad was a bad father? Do you think your mom had it a little easier since she didn't have to live with her MIL?
And what exactly is the difference between living with the parents vs. living in another home (maybe nearby or within driving distance) that allows you to take care of them in the former and not take care of them in the latter?
And are they disabled? Do they have dementia? Do they have a moving disorder? Do they have real fall risks? Do they need someone to administer medications to them?
These are real issues, and I get it if the parents are sick. There is this old lady who lived across from the home I grew up in, and even though we've moved, we still visit her.
She recently suffered a fall.
She fell out of her bathtub, and lost conscious for over a day. She was lying there and no one knew she was unconscious.
So, her son lives nearby and calls daily - she wouldn't pick up and it wasn't till 24 hrs later that he went by her house to check up on her that he found her on the floor out of it.
She was in the hospital for some days.
Now, she has had dementia and has been on medications for it. I don't recommend anyone with a disabling illness like that to be on their own. In fact, I argue that even a diabetic should stay with their kids, because there is always the small risk they might go hypoglycemic in their sleep and not wake up in the morning.
If your parents are perfectly healthy and they have each other, then what is the need for you to live with them?
You're going to take care of them when they're old anyway. You might as well enjoy your life alone with your spouse until that time comes.
And then if you demand a girl to accept this condition of yours, then don't be upset if she asks for her parents to move into your home as well. Would you be ok if your MIL moved in to live with you and your mother? Would you be willing to deal with every argument she has with your mother?
Not so easy, is it.
I understand what you are saying but I really hope that if my wife and I really love each other we'll be able to tolerate and figure out a way for both our MILs to live together.
I'm not a blind soldier in the sense that I do whatever my parents ask me to do. If I disagree with my parents I usually try to convince them of my viewpoint as compared to my siblings and cousins who just quietly listen to what the elders have to say and act as if they agree with them.
I will try my best to resolve any disputes and convince them to live together if, god forbid, such a situation arises. My argument to the MILs would be if both of them love us - my wife and I - why can't they resolve their personal differences for the sake of us?
Re: MIL
You're not answering my question. Is there some benefit to your mother if you live with her vs. live two doors down? In the latter, your wife gets her own space, and as is evident here, a lot of girls will PREFER their own space. Some are generous and will work with you, but usually with the idea that eventually they'll have their own home.
In the west, a girl gets her own place as soon as she is married, and often is already living on her own before marriage.
Don't tell me that the same cannot be done in desi culture. Only in our culture are women brainwashed into dependence. first, its dependence on their dads, then husbands, then sons.
Is there something you would gain by being under her same roof vs. two doors down?
Do you think your dad was a bad father? Do you think your mom had it a little easier since she didn't have to live with her MIL?
And what exactly is the difference between living with the parents vs. living in another home (maybe nearby or within driving distance) that allows you to take care of them in the former and not take care of them in the latter?
And are they disabled? Do they have dementia? Do they have a moving disorder? Do they have real fall risks? Do they need someone to administer medications to them?
If your parents are perfectly healthy and they have each other, then what is the need for you to live with them?
You're going to take care of them when they're old anyway. You might as well enjoy your life alone with your spouse until that time comes.
And then if you demand a girl to accept this condition of yours, then don't be upset if she asks for her parents to move into your home as well. Would you be ok if your MIL moved in to live with you and your mother? Would you be willing to deal with every argument she has with your mother?
Well okay....my parents are not healthy and they will need someone to look after them.
If my wife asks me for her parents to move in solely because she has to bear with my parents then I'll be annoyed.
But if she thinks that they need help or if she just wants her parents to live with us for no other ulterior motive (ex: retaliation) then its all good.
You are right in the sense that if parents are healthy then they can afford to live a few doors away. Afterall, my dad did the same. And my mom did benefit from not living with my dadi, my dadi still lives in the stone age lol.
But I still don't get your point because I've been agreeing to almost everything you've said.
Or..... I get a feeling that you seem to think that I want to live with my parents bec of our culture?? Cuz the answer to that is no, I've constantly said the reason is my parents health.
I would love to live with my wife like that but since I'm the only son I will have to look after my parents - especially considering the fact that my parents will need someone to look after their health which is why I can't leave them alone.
I know my dad (has 2 more bros) left his mom so my mother didn't live with her MIL but for me the case is different.
Is that going to be a turn-off factor for girls??
no it won't be a turn-off for all girls. lol. some girls would love to live with their inlaws. one of my cousins looked for a family where she could live with inlaws. she got just that in the end and she is so happy, mashallah. everyone's choices are different.
i think its really sweet, mashallah you are so caring towards your parents. i hope you meet someone just as caring, inshallah.
Re: MIL
all depends on MIL and DIL/SIL relationship. Some ppl are know lived with in-laws and loved it, others hated it.
Well okay....my mom is a victim of cancer and my dad is a blood pressure patient.
If my wife asks me for her parents to move in solely because she has to bear with my parents then I'll be annoyed.
But if she thinks that they need help or if she just wants her parents to live with us for no other ulterior motive (ex: retaliation) then its all good.
The BP problems, if he's taking his medications, shouldn't be a problem. Some people have bad swings in BP, but its usally because their med regimen needs tweaking and it's just a matter of trying out some new drugs until you get the right combination. If he's not controlled, and he's falling, etc, then best he live with you.
Your mom's cancer - if it's been taken care of by chemo/radiation - shouldn't be a problem for her to stay at home. If it's active, and she's symptomatic or could be symptomatic any moment - best she stay with you.
I wouldn't fault you for keeping your parents.
I'm talking about the guy whose mom can run a marathon and dad goes to work every day, and he can't part from them and that's why he wants wifey to live with them.
Someone also made a good comment. It depends on whose house it is. If it is your parents home, then it makes your wife uncomfortable because the home is not hers to decorate, etc as she wants.
If the home is yours, then your wife feels more in control, and the parents can just come and live with you, but remain cautious because if parents feel like they are taken out of their homes to live with their kids, their course can be even more downhill from feeling depressed and helpless in taking care of themselves. Sometimes, their own home is the best place for them.
Tough situation, but most girls will probably work with you on that, unless your parents create padhas. A pretty bad thing to do when you have cancer and BP problems, but plenty of people misbehave despite being sick. Plus cancer patients will have psychiatric changes on their way out. I knew a lady with cancer once, and she went ballistic right before she died.
Research the diseases, know what you need to expect, and properly inform your rishtas about the situation, and only go with someone who respects your situation.
mclovin123, so sorry to hear your mum has cancer. what stage is she? hope she recovers inshallah.
Re: MIL
I wonder what happens to parents who have only daughters, and then they get cancer. :halo: Do they get 24 hr live in care with their son-in-laws and daughters?
mclovin123, so sorry to hear your mum has cancer. what stage is she? hope she recovers inshallah.
Allhumdullilah she has been taken care of by chemo.
My parents are pretty healthy at the moment but considering what they have been through anything can happen in the future.
I guess its the son-in-laws duty to provide.
Re: MIL
True. I wouldn’t fault you for keeping an eye on your parents.
Besides. It’s funny. I know this one girl who has done a lot of paddhas to get her own place and she has failed. Still lives with in-laws. Her MIL also has cancer and has been through a lot.
I don’t get why she caused all those padhas, cuz if she had any smarts (this is why I say…GO TO SCHOOL), she would sit quietly in that house. As soon as the old folks croak, the house is hers.
Comon, done deal. 
Ok, that was crass, McLovin, but its true. You’ll find a wife, and she may very well be comfortable thinking that at least you wont worry about buying a house because you’ll probably just continue to live in your parents house later on.
Plus, not all women are crass. Many are understanding when it comes to the “C” word.
Cancer sucks.
I guess its the son-in-laws duty to provide.
Is it? Is that really what happens? How many burrhias you know who live with their damaad's and the damaad takes care of their bills?
I'm talking about the guy whose mom can run a marathon and dad goes to work every day, and he can't part from them and that's why he wants wifey to live with them.
Someone also made a good comment. It depends on whose house it is. If it is your parents home, then it makes your wife uncomfortable because the home is not hers to decorate, etc as she wants.
If the home is yours, then your wife feels more in control, and the parents can just come and live with you, but remain cautious because if parents feel like they are taken out of their homes to live with their kids, their course can be even more downhill from feeling depressed and helpless in taking care of themselves. Sometimes, their own home is the best place for them.
Tough situation, but most girls will probably work with you on that, unless your parents create padhas. A pretty bad thing to do when you have cancer and BP problems, but plenty of people misbehave despite being sick. Plus cancer patients will have psychiatric changes on their way out. I knew a lady with cancer once, and she went ballistic right before she died.
Research the diseases, know what you need to expect, and properly inform your rishtas about the situation, and only go with someone who respects your situation.
Agree with everything you said there.
My dadeee is sick but according to my mom she still has the spirit of a 16 year old....loll