Frosted Heera, why you no explain your original post in more detail? It left many questions about how the argument happened, the manner in which your husband spoke to his mom, if your mil has a history of making last minute changes, etc. Why now? It's really annoying when the OP pops up 3-4-10 pages later to fill in the gaps that should have been filled before. Don't get why that happens. If you want thorough advice, be thorough with your problem. It's hard enough because the story will always be one-sided to begin with and if it's also incomplete, you're only going to get advice based on even more limited info.
The only solution is for you to avenge your husbands izzat by marching over to your MIL's house. Yes, march. Don't drive. Physical labor proves greater dedication to your husband. Don't ring the doorbell because that formality is for guests and you are no stranger and you are also playing an intruder. Kick that door down a la Mithun style. Grab your Mil by her goot (braid) and slap her unconscious. For this exhausting exertion, grab any of the good food she had in the fridge, pull out a chair and eat it slowly like a pervert. After that your MIL will never ask you to make any salan for her again. This is the only sulyoushun.
Pcg I will reply to your comments, believe me, I will. But this is the second time where youve managed to bring my personal life into discussion outside of my blog.
More people than you think know about it, but they dont feel the need to drag into discussions.
So can I also bring your private into my comments? Because I have often decided not to despite being insanely tempted.
PCG, I'm with Coughcough on this one, you went batsh!t crazy when someone hinted at your profession and went on a verbal tirade about people sharing details about your personal life online, but it seems like you've done the exact same here, so make up your mind, you can't have your cake and eat it too.
I did not call her a bad mother, but I find her reaction immature because she had to resort to slapping her married son in front of his wife for such a trivial reason. It is an overreaction!!
Like it or not, there are boundaries when kids grow up and get married. Going by your logic, is it okay for a wife to smooch “her own” husband in front of his parents?
I did not call her a bad mother, but I find her reaction immature because she had to resort to slapping her married son in front of his wife for such a trivial reason. It is an overreaction!!
Like it or not, there are boundaries when kids grow up and get married. Going by your logic, is it okay for a wife to smooch "her own" husband in front of his parents?
Of course not.
It doesn't look okay for a wife to smooch "her own" husband in front of his parents.
It doesn't look okay for a mother to slap "her own" son in front her DIL.
It doesn't look okay for a son to raise his voice and insult "his own" mother in front of his wife.
I personally think girls shouldn't get involved in mother - son relationship. she gave birth to him and raised him.. Also she shouldn't have changed the dishes last second.
Mother son therapy session? Mother seems to have an Aggression issue because rarely do you see or hear of a mother raising her hand on a grown son.
OP, let it blow over since you know your mil has a habit of losing her temper. Things will calm down sooner than later.
O
I'll admit that my husband raised his voice and was angry.
My MIL has a history of shouting at us. She puts me down regularly.
She is in charge of her house and will brook no interference.
But she has no problems dictating to others how to live their lives.
We were living with my MIL** until about a couple of weeks before Eid**.
First of all you should consider yourself lucky that you have a husband who is willing to stand up for YOU. He seems like the type that know which battles are worth fighting and WILL take action when necessary. After all....he took the step of moving out of the house when his mother didn't back off with her demands. I'm pretty sure quite a few women reading this wished their husband's were willing to move out too.
Your MIL...given her controlling personality....probably was (still is) furious that her son moved out. She feels powerless and is resentful. Since you two moved out only a few weeks ago....MIL is still not even close to letting her anger go. So all her frustration/feeling powerless/resentment......combined with the fact that your husband raised his voice at her just pushed her over the edge.
O
We thought our relationship would improve if we no longer lived with her.
We still went to her house for Eid and we haven't talked to her about this.
Well yes.....with it being Eid....it wouldn't be a good idea to not to spend it with her and the rest of the family. Again, that would simply escalate the situation. A few weeks is nothing in these situations. Based on what you wrote about MIL's personality....it may take MONTHS...maybe even years before things improve. Heck or she may never change at all! The most important thing is that your husband took the difficult step of moving out of the house.
I still stand by what I wrote earlier. Yes it was wrong for your MIL to hit your husband. However, your husband made the right decision in choosing to not react.
[mod]Please stay on topic. Start a new thread for topics that are not related to what OP is posting/asking. And all the delightful personal comments towards/about each other....please use PM for those. Thank you. [/mod]
It looks like the MIL is still angry over her son living in another home. She took it out on him. He should of not raised his voice and she should of not slapped him.
That's why these issues happen in the first place, because the prevalent thinking is that the two have different levels of respect.
They do not. You are to respect everyone and treat everyone as well as you can. Which includes getting your family to respect your wife, instead of watching on as she gets mistreated. The same goes vice versa, wife to mother.
There is no comparison which can be made between mother and wife.
Yes there are men who are jerks and do not respect their wives but still a wife has different level of respect than mother.
In essence: No comparison can be made between the two relations.
totally agree. Adding to the last line, no comparison can be made between these two relations here doesn't mean the different level of respect.
Its about, respecting both, but differently. A mother can not be replaced with a wife and a wife can never take her husband's mother place.
So its about respecting both equally, but in different terms.
IMO, a perfect man is one, who is capable of balancing both relations at the same time.
