My MIL told me to make lasagne for Eid but then changed it to roast chicken at the last minute.
It was the evening before Eid and me and my husband and our baby had our shopping to do.
My husband then told his mother that she couldn’t change her demands at the last minute.
My MIL doesn’t live with us. She lives with her husband, other sons and their wives.
Me and my husband and baby live nearby on our own.
My MIL then slapped my husband and told him not to interfere, that he has no business talking to her that way about matters that only concern her and me.
She said that a DIL has a duty to obey her MIL and that I should make whatever she wants even though we live separately.
I was extremely shocked that she slapped my husband, especially in front of me.
My husband didn’t complain about being slapped, whereas I thought he should have something about it.
Was my husband right to ignore it or should he have said or done something?
Please can you give me your opinions. Thanks.
My MIL told me to make lasagne for Eid but then changed it to roast chicken at the last minute.
It was the evening before Eid and me and my husband and our baby had our shopping to do.
My husband then told his mother that she couldn't change her demands at the last minute.
My MIL doesn't live with us. She lives with her husband, other sons and their wives.
Me and my husband and baby live nearby on our own.
My MIL then slapped my husband and told him not to interfere, that he has no business talking to her that way about matters that only concern her and me.
She said that a DIL has a duty to obey her MIL and that I should make whatever she wants even though we live separately.
I was extremely shocked that she slapped my husband, especially in front of me.
My husband didn't complain about being slapped, whereas I thought he should have something about it.
Was my husband right to ignore it or should he have said or done something?
Please can you give me your opinions. Thanks.
Well you care about she slapped your husband in front of uou? Instead you would feel he refused her demand in front of you!!!!
A mother can not slap her son in front of her DIL but a son can disobey his mother in front of his wife?? How is it justifiable??
Probably your MIL was quite hurt and felt insulted that how her own Son disobeyed her in front of her DIL...
May if he had told her this in private..she may have not been offended.
Sorry, but your MILs behavior was kind of natural and justifiable.
Also if he has ignored it...i appreciate it and i would suggest you to stay away from it instead putting negativity against your MIL in his ears. You shouldn't be foing that. He's her son first...if he ignored it...dont make him feel insulted.
I think your MIL was wrong to slap your husband, but your husband was right not to say anything at the time. She's getting older, and old people sometimes get irritable over random things. I'm sure she'll realize her mistake eventually and hopefully apologize for her outburst. Even if she doesn't though, I would say suck it up since it seems that its a one time thing. Give her a chance to calm down and talk to her about the situation in a rational manner. That's the least we can do for our parents.
If your husband had lashed out at her when she slapped him, it would only have escalated the situation. So again, I think your husband handled the situation pretty well (ish).
what was the big deal in making roast chicken instead of lasagna ??? both have same preparation time...almost .....
as far as slap is concerned, was it the first time your MIL slapped him? if yes then your husband must have misbehaved but still slap is out of question but then again he must have talked & behaved in a weird way ..... i dont think one can reach to the point of slapping her own son out of such a small thing like what to cook & what not to cook ???
after a certain age [when sons N daughters attain the age of maturity, let alone married or not] parents are not supposed to mete out corporal punishment or act violently in retaliation for two reasons:
it's NOT advisable as they are adults and they may act in an unpredictable manner...apnii 'izzat apne haathoN meN]
it's Islamically not permissible because an adult is responsible for his actions [good or bad].
parents must never provoke their adult children in a way that they might retaliate in frustration.
having said that however, your husband did the right thing by not retaliating as it is forbidden in Islam to raise your hand or tongue or to disobey their parents...Allah says traet your parents with love, dignity and make them feel welcomed...one must NOT even say "ufff!" to his/her parents even if they are wrong except when they force you to disobey Allah, nauuzobillah.
this surely does NOT give parents to misuseabuse their God given status to them.
what was the big deal in making roast chicken instead of lasagna ??? both have same preparation time...almost .....
as far as slap is concerned, was it the first time your MIL slapped him? if yes then your husband must have misbehaved but still slap is out of question but then again he must have talked & behaved in a weird way ..... i dont think one can reach to the point of slapping her own son out of such a small thing like what to cook & what not to cook ???
how about ingredients? sometimes you don't have everything in your kitchen cupboard to make certain things.
I don't think he was "disobeying" her, he was just putting limits on what kinds of burdens she can put on her daughter in law's. He was standing up for you, not a bad thing.
Her demands of she can tell you what to do - BOGUS. Glad he didnt give in to her.
His silence after the slap is just him not indulging his mom. He probably knows her habits. Leave this issue between him and his mom, you should just pretend like you dont know anything about it.
And be grateful you have a partner who refuses to let you get abused, good for him!
It’s not about whether the roast chicken is realistic once you’ve planned for the lasagna, it’s that you as a woman of your home are not allowed to pick what you can cook in the kitchen.
Control even in the kitchen? Tauba. The old lady needs to spend her energy into something more productive, like maybe prayer. She is more closer to jannat/hell whichever than she was , she ain’t no spring chicken anymore. :halo:
Was my husband right to ignore it or should he have said or done something?
Your husband made the right decision in choosing to ignore it. When a person's emotions are so out of control that they're resorting to physical violence, there is no point in trying to have a logical conversation with them. The best thing to do is to back out of the situation so it doesn't escalate any further. Your husband is a smart man who used his brain to make a decision instead of his emotions.
As for whether or not your husband chooses to talk to his mother about the incident in the future....that should be 100% his choice. He is the one who got slapped and its his mother. Let him sort it out with her.
Question: How is YOUR relationship with your MIL generally? Is it normal for her to try to order you around with little things? Or were you surprised by her comment about you having to "obey" her?
Leaving her demands aside, she is his mother and has the right to slap him. He did the right thing by not escalating it further. You should leave this matter between the son and the mother.
I don’t get it when people just make a fuss out of nothing & disturb the environment of home?why?
She does not even live with you guys,you guys live on your own so what is wrong if she asked you to make a roast chicken once in a blue moon??
If I were you I would have made her lasagna & roast chicken too plus some other dishes which she likes on such special occasion of eid after all she is a mother of your husband.... khidmat karo .. sawab kamaoo ... baat khatam ....
The point is why make a fuss out of such small things….roast chicken ban jata tu baat wohi khatam ho jaati …. But the situation went to slapping & what not !!!
Abusedd … excuse me …what her MIL wrapped her around the stove & threatened to burn her?? .. Did I miss something ??? ..
she did not even touch her … whatever she said, said to her son … & I dint know that cooking for your loved ones is considered as “abuse” …
Please define abuse in this situation OP mentioned?
Lol at putting limits… what is she a small child asking for dangerous toys or was she telling her DIL to make a “toup ka gola” which she could not & was out of ingredients as Mr. KKF mentioned?
I don't see how the MIL was justified in slapping her grown, married son who is also aik adad bachay ka baap. And that too over lasagne vs. roast chicken. She obviously has bigger issues with her son and DIL.
Your husband did the right thing by not escalating it. As much as it may have offended you, let them both sort it out.
The mother should not have slapped her son. If you look at it from a purely religious point of view, hitting the face is against Islam. Children are allowed to talk to their parents. If the son disagreed with what his mother did then they should have talked about it rather than the mother slapping the son in the face. It is preferred but not required that the daughter-in-law listen to the mother-in-law. It is the children that are required to listen to their parents as long as they do not tell them something against Islam. The son knows his mother and the best way to deal with her. The response of the son to the mother after the slap was respectful.
Op, I doubt that the lasagna was already cooked on the day before Eid. At the very least you might have assembled it (or precooked the qeema) and set in the fridge to bake the following day on Eid. But if you had NOT done any preassembling, then it's not like any of your prior efforts went to waste. This means that whatever dish you were to take to your MIL would have been made from start to finish ON the day of Eid. Although your MIL made a last minute change on the day before Eid......it was only a matter of using the lasagna ingredients for another time and baking a chicken if you had it at home. If you did have the chicken, then you would have either made it entirely on Eid or you would have defrosted it and set it to marinade overnight once you returned from your MIL's home that evening. Both dishes are the kind that bake in the oven and don't require vigilant stirring and sweating it out. IF there was no chicken at home, your husband or you could have said "Ammi we are out of chicken aur Eid k din laana muskil hoga as the halal meat store might be closed, so is it okay if we make chicken for you after Eid?" Is it possible that your MIL thought you wouldn't start cooking until Eid and assumed you'd have the ingredients for her latter request?
Last minute requests are understandably annoying and it's something that we should try to avoid burdening a person with whether it is a parent or a child...that's just basic courtesy. MIL should have slowed down and thought about this and your husband should have slowed down and thought about whether her request was feasible or not and worded his response tactfully as opposed to rushing it. There's no justification for disrespect small or big, verbal or physical ..be it from the parent or the child. Both parties could have slowed down and approached the matter differently.
As for your question....would it really matter even if the majority of people in your thread believed that your husband should confront his mom? You husband knows his mom and their relationship better than you do. If he is not complaining about the slap, then let it go. Avoid bringing it up as it may instigate him against his mom. Let him be the one to decide if and when he should approach his mom. It may not be apparent, but his mom might be feeling more embarrassed about the incident than your husband as the loss of control was greater on her end and it's not how she wanted her Eid to go either....and even she knows in the back of her mind that it's not her son who would tell outsiders about the slap, whereas there's always the chance her her DIL might tell her own family or close friends about it. I am not saying that you will blab about the slap or accusing you of gossip, but it's natural for your MIL to think that...and that's another reason why she might feeling more uncomfortable than your husband.
.. Did I miss something ??? ..