Men Helping with Chores

[RocketSocket]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

I don't know i can't read her intentions. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it didn't intend to come across like this. Instead of letting anger take hold just forgive if there has been any hurt towards you and move on. It's not worth getting divisive over. Small things start bigger divisions. Just remember you're both Muslims and you're both Pakistanis you should be more united.

At least I'm not pumping out sexist propaganda in every thread.

[Sasha21]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

PCG I don't know where to put this but do u get paid to start threads :). I'm sort of new here so I don't know if ur affiliated to this website. But just reading the different threads, u seem to start quite a few of them. Do they have thread starters like they have moderators, u know to keep everything up and going.

[RocketSocket]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

PCG I don't know where to put this but do u get paid to start threads :). I'm sort of new here so I don't know if ur affiliated to this website. But just reading the different threads, u seem to start quite a few of them. Do they have thread starters like they have moderators, u know to keep everything up and going.

Good Question.

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

I think people are taking things maybe too seriously. It is based on an article and the points of that article are being expressed.

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

PCG I don't know where to put this but do u get paid to start threads :). I'm sort of new here so I don't know if ur affiliated to this website. But just reading the different threads, u seem to start quite a few of them. Do they have thread starters like they have moderators, u know to keep everything up and going.

It's a non for profit so no one gets paid but as members we are all afiiliated by it. People have fav topics where they like to post. Some people like life and relationships others like voice gallery. Then when people have ideas for posting they just go for it.

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

At least I'm not pumping out sexist propaganda in every thread.

I know you contribute valuable points and you're a big part of keeping threads going and people appreciate it. I try to keep tension levels low on thread because nothing can come out of disagreements either person.

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

not relevant. please delete

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

Religious lessons from a drinker. Good times and when did I mentioned I'm not a sunni. At least I don't believe in Baba ji's and small pieces of papers. If you think I offended you with my opinion. You should hear the ones I kept to myself.

If people are judgemental then why join them and be judgemental. I know you can rise above this. In the end remember our actions alone are judged. Not always best to retaliate. Instead of words that could hurt reciprocate with a smile.

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

sorry pcg i sort of got your thread off the track. But come on only 3 words reply itne lambe essay ke baad. jk. hota hai, chalta hai and duniya hai. I know this is your thread and it sort of went off track because of me. I hope you didn't find any of the convos hurtful. I know you have good intentions and you're acting according to what you think is right like i guess others are from their view point. If only everyone thought the same or had the same interpretation life would be easier but maybe not as diverse.

[redvelvet]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

Delhi, tone it down with the gushing and the poetic comparisons. I know what's considered excessive or normal is subjective....but there's sweet and then there's sacharine; the latter is cloying.

[ButtSb]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

@redvelvet

If the men of today don’t follow the Prophet SAW’s example, then the women of today are not much better. They want to follow the Prophet SAW’s wives in examples such as having a profession, fighting in a war, and quote examples of his patience when they failed to cook a meal for him…but they don’t want to emulate the wives’ humility and patience and level of respect that helped them maintain strong marriages whether they worked or were housewives.

In a marriage, if your partner usually takes care of you…you will be flexible with them if they fail to do something from time-to-time. My mom is a housewife and my dad cooks on the weekends, but during the rest of the week, my mom does the cooking. If once in a while my mom doesn’t cook anything, my dad compromises by getting take-out. If my mom repeatedly failed to contribute, my dad would be upset…and he’s a pretty patient guy. We read some ahadith and we take them to be the norm when that may not be the case.

For instance, the hadith where a servant says that the Prophet SAWS never rebuked him for not doing anything…does this imply that this was the norm and that the servant never did any work at all? I doubt it. You read one hadith where the Prophet SAW’s wife did not have a meal cooked when he asked…does this imply that she rarely cooked? If he SAWS ASKED her what was cooked or what was for lunch/dinner…then his ASKING implies that he had the expectation that she would tend to this household responsibility. If he SAWS showed her mercy for not cooking anything…she, too, did not find his expectation to be demeaning; she didn’t argue that I don’t have to cook cuz I’m not obligated to. You wanna quote examples of the wives working, not cooking, fighting in battle…but you don’t wanna emulate their humility and patience and respect without which they would not have gone on to become the esteemed Mothers of the Believers. I doubt they (yes, even businesswoman Hazrat Khadija) would have received such a lofty status if they scorned/mocked simple tasks (cooking, cleaning, chai)…which reflect your care for your loved ones. But here housewives are being mocked and if they serve chai or tend to the cooking…they’re seen as overambitious pushovers. The men get a scolding for not following the Prophet SAWS’s character…for picking and choosing from the sunnah…but the women, too, are not emulating character of the wives in the true sense. It’ll be brushed off with the comment that “nobody is comparing anyone to the prophet’s wives”…,WHY NOT? If you can compare the men to him SAWS…why can the women not be compared then?

This thread is not just about men helping with chores, it’s not that simple because there’s a mocking/condescending undercurrent flowing.

Thats what i wanted to say tooo…

Aapko kya ho gya hai aajkal??? Hanging out with farhat aunty??

the latter is cloying.

i learned a new word today… thats right.

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

@ButtSb

Thats what i wanted to say tooo…

Aapko kya ho gya hai aajkal??? Hanging out with farhat aunty??

i learned a new word today… thats right.

haha thanks to my saccharine poetry. i dont know i felt like the moderator of the thread needed to be appreciated more for letting me be creative with my imagination. But i will tone down next time. It is becoming too predictable.

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

Delhi, tone it down with the gushing and the poetic comparisons. I know what's considered excessive or normal is subjective....but there's sweet and then there's sacharine; the latter is cloying.

im sorry teacherji :( i will tone it down next time. too sweet and we could get diabetes. i'll cut down on the sugar.

[redvelvet]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

haha thanks to my saccharine poetry. i dont know i felt like the moderator of the thread needed to be appreciated more for letting me be creative with my imagination. But i will tone down next time. It is becoming too predictable.

I concur that Reha is an awesome mod and she's also a good friend of mine. But this forum is managed by three other moderators who also have the power to issue warnings and lock the thread, all of which would hinder your effusive creativity...so they can and should be thanked then too, no? And if having an opinion, making a judgment, or being perceived as lecturing/chiding are behaviors associated with teacherji's...then I guess we have a lot of teachers here, even those that don't belong to the profession.

[Areeb55]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

Reha I just want to say that you are a very thoughtful person ma sha Allah. I hope Allah blesses you with an amazing pious husband and keep you happy and healthy.

[sunnydabunny]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

Then why are the pakistanis the worst when it comes to this? Where does te culture of making chai and waiting on him like a waitress come from?

I blame the mothers for it. If they see their son even lifting a finger its a big haa hai moment. And taken as a personal failure.

[delhi2lahorekarachi]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

I concur that Reha is an awesome mod and she's also a good friend of mine. But this forum is managed by three other moderators who also have the power to issue warnings and lock the thread, all of which would hinder your effusive creativity...so they can and should be thanked then too, no? And if having an opinion, making a judgment, or being perceived as lecturing/chiding are behaviors associated with teacherji's...then I guess we have a lot of teachers here, even those that don't belong to the profession.

Sorry i didnt mean to sound like i was saying teacherji in a lecturing/chiding way. i appreciated your feedback and sometimes it's hard for me to stop my creative flow. I said it as a term of respect as teachers should get the highest respect in society as they mould young minds. i have deleted the above post so things should be ok. I thought the other 2 comments were ok because they were liked but if not the mods are completely free to delete it i don't mind. I mentioned Reha instead of the other mods as she had commented on the thread and I assumed she would be the only one moderating it. BUt def the other mods deserve equal credit. If my creativity is being detrimental to others i am completely happy to have it reigned in :) hope you have a great day redvelvet.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

Most of the guys back home are actually like this because their MOMS and SISTERS raise them like this. "Aray hum tu bhai ko uth ker pani bhi nahi peney daitey" or ammi jee is like "jaoo bhai thaka howa aaya hai, college sai, khana garam ker ker laoo" (when behen also just came from college). So girls, if u want to change this, raise your sons and brothers differently.

Secondly, it also depends on personal interests. If there are guys who have no interests in cooking, I have seen them cleaning their wives cars or washing tubs, or taking kids out to sports etc. Some of the girls will almost never go for grocery, I have seen guys waiting hours in meat lineup in desi stores.

On personal level, I cook, i clean, i wash dishes, I do little bit of sewing, I press kids (and sometimes begum's cloths) but again, when I am cooking, my wife goes out for grocery of she will take kids for biking or to park. This is how I was raised by my mom. I used to make chai and samosey for her, and I do not mind doing that for begum too.

Life in a family should be about taking responsibility of some chores and making your spouse care free from those chores.

PS: posting this after giving chai to begum as she watches Allan Faqeer's dunya ki lehroon ....

[Naabigh]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

Most of us on this forum are like a house fly , which always sits on dirt And works as a transmitter Of a disease ...

I wonder why can't these people see , point out and talk about many good things happening around .....

[Reha]

Re: Men Helping with Chores

@Areeb55

Reha I just want to say that you are a very thoughtful person ma sha Allah. I hope Allah blesses you with an amazing pious husband and keep you happy and healthy.

Thank you so much for your kind words! Means a lot to me.