ok so I dont mean to pick on men and I really, truly am not into man-bashing. I love my man dearly, with all my heart and soul. Yet, he can drive me INSANE sometimes with his lack of humanity. Sheesh, he’s like a vulcan or something.
He tells me the other morning that he’s dreamed of this girl (a former girlfriend) for the past 3 nites…not one of THOSE dreams … rather, dreams that made him wonder if she were in some sort of peril. Now this gal is a hottie…which lately I am NOT, I’ve put on some weight in the past few months and have been working on it but ANYway…
he emails her. (!!!) I think he’s SO very outta line. He sees NOTHING wrong here. Yeah, I fully realize that he sent her email with good intent, wanting to make sure she’s ok and all, and hey it was not like “hey babe I had this hot dream abt you”…but STILL.
What if she had replied oh yeah, my husband left me, I am so lonely yadayada. That was not the response he got but thats not the point here.
I’m pissed, I’m upset. I’m usually not a b-word but in this case I cant help it. He thinks I’m over-reacting and being immature. But sheesh what would anyone else - husband OR wife - think if the spouse emailed a former flame saying “I’ve seen you in my dreams”???
Mama, I am with you on this one, he's completely out of line. Men are such morons and wanting to do 'good' with 'good intentions' and piss everyone else off and are completely oblivious to that this 'goodness' is always for exes!!!!!!!!!
He told you, looks like he didn't want your approval.... but he told you, so i would appreciate that at least.
If it is bothering you that much, you should voice your conderns to him, but in a calm manner... if you're ranting and screaming like a banshee, it won't help matters! :D
And don't be upset... you're the one he married and had X number of kids with :@:
Yes he told me and I do appreciate that for sure...but thats why I say men are so clueless...like what did he think I'd be HAPPY about the whole thing? And sheesh, how would HE feel if I told him i dreamed of a previous boyfriend and wanted to contact him to see if he was ok??? Man can men be SOOOO clueless.
Milly, yeah chachu verzie did have 4 wifeys...in his DREAMS.
I agree...he's a good moron. But I'm still hurt/pissed.
You are justified in feeling upset. Your husband's actions are inappropriate. And I doubt that your husband would would appreciate it if you dreamt about a former flame and decided to ring him up to see if he was doing okay. There are very few men who could be comfortable with their wives contacting an ex.
But there is one positive aspect about the whole situation. Your husband told you about the dream and he told you about the email. And this indicates that he has nothing to hide. It shows he doesn't want to hide anything from you. If your husband were up to no good and intended to cheat on you, he would do it BEHIND YOUR BACK without ever informing you about the dream, the email, or the ex girlfriend herself. Cheaters don't cheat with the aim to get caught. So this thought, at least, should be of some comfort to you.
I think you should talk to your husband calmly about this. Ask him if he has heard back from the ex and what she said. And tell him that you don't feel comfortable with him opening a line of communication with this woman because anything can happen and it is inappropriate either way. If this ex-girlfriend is married, such communication seems strange and out of place even. And in the event that she is single, she shouldn't be getting any weird ideas with this email. We **can't control **how other people think and interpret our messages/emails and the last thing you and your husband need is for **rumors **to start swirling around.
So talk to your husband calmly about the possible consequences of such communication. And don't worry MO3, I think you're gonna be okay. Your husband opened up to you so his intentions are good. If he had any deliberate desire to cheat or hurt you, he wouldn't be so forthright about the matter:)
RV thank you so much for your kind words and advice! Yes my hubby has no intent and had no intent at all of cheating etc....I just think that it was very insensitive of him to actually follow thru and email her...and want to ask him well what if she came back with "oh I'm so lonely, I so wish I had followed thru with you" yadayada. He put himself in an awkward position yeah? He was insensitive, clueless and nerdy. And I'm not beating him up too much over it, I mean he knows I'm upset but he thinks I'm being "silly". sheesh. Men are SOOO clueless sometimes.
There is no need to feel upset about it, because you never took any wrong step anywhere. HE is the one who has surprised you with such a clueless step, so give him a silent treatment. No need to look worried and conscious about this situation, just remain calm, silent and busy in your work. Till the time he doesn't come to you initiating to discuss this matter with you with an apology, just remain reserve with no chit chat and extra talk. Let your attitude convey to him that he has not only been silly in his thoughts and actions but also made a mistake by considering you silly for getting upset on this matter. Just develop this attitude of "LEAVE ME ALONE" for some time while remaining polite and responsible of your duties at the same time. No need to show to him that you are interested in his email talks and talks about her responses. He should get this strong message from your attitude that you wont tolerate such stuff at any cost in future. No eating with him, no sitting with him,...etc. Just ignore him by keeping your self busy with the kids. It is HE who has to pay the cost of this stupidity not YOU!
The key is to NEVER show to him that you are jealous of that girl. He should realize that this silliness on his part would increase distance between you and him. Don't worry, he can't leave you because you are mother of his children, if he doesn't care about this relationship of children in future, then he is not worth it.
I would be just as pissed Mo3... happened to me about 2-3 months into our marriage. but was a girl messaging my hubz..
Do you reckon you may be feeling a lil down just in general?
I know after i had my bubz, i was feeling just disgusting.. and we were watching some movie with angelina jolie in and I hit the roof cus my hubz said somethign about her... LOL.. oh man, cant believe how crazy i was...
Men sometimes do things without realizing how and in which way or why they could hurt their wives. What may seem casual politeness or concern for them could be misleading to the person on the receiving end of it, and more importantly, very unnecessary.
This doesn’t mean, however, that your husband has ANY negative intentions. It’s just that men really never stop to think before acting and always assume that it would be OK with the wife or she’d be more accomodating, or that “oh honey, I thought you wouldn’t mind/understand” and all that neat stuff. They have confidence because to them, a casual interaction isn’t meaningful or worth calling a relationship. Just hi hello. Which is fine if you look it it their way.
Women, on the other hand, (most, that is) think 500 times before doing any such thing. We go to the other extreme!
So, MO3, it’s just that they are different. Let it go but don’t hesitate to communicate your thoughts with him. He will definitely understand!
And for god’s sake, your weight should have nothing to do with this .
^** R.A.W** has a good point. Don't show that your jealous at all because it's sign of insecurity and it'll give hubby an ego boost. Be calm about it. Communicating with a past girlfriend can potentially harm ur reputation, ur hubby should think about that at least.
^Sadzzz, when your hubby praises Angelina, you should stay calm, don't hit the roof. Instead you should agree with him that yes indeed Angelina is very hot. AND then, you should calmly proceed to praise Brad Pitt and how handsome he his, how he has nice muscles, and beautiful eyes, and charming smile. LOOOOOOOOOOOL, put hubby in his place, girl!
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