Marrying your cousin

[hareem01]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@NomiCA

i don’t see any reference to infer that cousine marriage is ‘discouraged’ :konfused:

Here’s another link…a detailed reply. Basically the excessiveness is discouraged.

The Ruling of First Cousin Marriages: A Balanced Perspective | The Revival

[diwana]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@Shak09

I don’t have anything against people who do it but I wouldn’t. Ever.

You’re obviously very wrong. Google up links and on EVERY link you’ll find the following..:

‘‘They are lawful in Islam but DISCOURAGED’’.

If I remember Prophet (PBUH) also was reported saying to men to look for wives outside the tribe. There is another hadith here too:

http://sunniforum.net/showthread.php?t=6680
The legality of cousin marriages in Islam is not in dispute. What’s simple is that they’re allowed but not encouraged. Not particular a hard fact to grasp I would think.

As for hadith, in Islam it is DISCOURAGED and people are asked to marry outside the family. So please don’t bring that point up :smack: As Murgi has said Islam has made plenty other things like divorce etc halal too, doesn’t mean we should practice them vigorously.

@Shak09

Indeed, again the legality of cousin marriage is not in dispute, how much its encouraged is. The bold bit is what I am on about

@Jolie

Yes Prophet Muhammad said to marry outside tribe yet his most beloved daughter, Hazrat Fatima RA was married to his cousin. So we have this example as well. I don’t think you can really make hard and fast rules. One must appreciate the flexibility Islam offers in this regard, and it goes both ways.

@Jolie

I agree. But when you see Muslims going all eww eww over this idea, they must realize that this is a totally halal practice by all means for cousins who naturally fall for each other or where couple and and the families are completely happy with it. Yes it can happen and it does happen, I personally know such case.

@Shak09

Again you’re giving the idea that the legality of cousin marriages is disuputed.

It is not. And noone is saying that its haram.

It is discouraged, simple.

As for ‘‘ew’’ I get those people. I have cousins who are like my sisters, who I’ve grown up with; if someone were to come to me and say ‘‘marry her’’ I won’t go and be smiles, my reaction will be that I will say eew too. But as I said people who do marry in family good for them! They found love all the best to them, I personally wouldn’t do it.

1- This topic has been discussed in detail before.

2- Who says it was discouraged?

The link Shak provided has no real hadith in it as far as I could read.

3- If it was advised to marry people outside the tribe, that automatically does not mean ‘prohibition or discouragement’ for alternative act.

4- The reason for people to seek out their mates in other tribes was to increase and spread muslim population.
The prophet SAW himself married Khadija RAA for similar reason as she was an influential person. (Nothing wrong in that decision by the way)

5- Why would the prophet SAW discourage people for something which he himself allowed for his own daughter? Even the link in Shak’s post says that.
(I am not sure however, if Ali RAA was her first cousin, but was a cousin)

6- First cousin marriage is NOT incest as per Islamic views. It is allowed and they are na-mahram.

7- If something is allowed in Islam then peole should not outrightly place restriction on themselves. I think there is some Iyet or hadith is there, which says do not place upon yourself restriction if something is allowed to you.

I am surprised to see some people here are saying they will not do it ..ever.

8- As to genetic misconception. I think I have said/showed in previous discussion on this topic that the genetic problems are highly variable with first cousin and not really that common when compared to random marriages.

It is a mathematical chance, but not a factual occurence.

There is no real findings that cousin marriages bring bad offsprings. A lot of marriages occur among cousins worldwide.

If concerned because of KNOWN genetic problem in family then get genetic counselling. But that is recommended for ANY planned marriage f there is some suspicion of genetc disease in the family.

9- Old age pregnancy carries a good risk of genetic malformations, and yet those who try to bash cousin marriage would not have problem with that.

10- Lastly,

Can people stop saying it is incest? No it is not. :smack:

I wonder from where these people are getting this false idea!

[AngelEyess]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@NomiCA

i don’t see any reference to infer that cousine marriage is ‘discouraged’

Yes i want to know too…It is halal, neither encourages not discouraged, like many other halal things. I havent come across any (authentic) ayat or hadees where cousin marriages are discouraged. I would appreciate it if anyone present me with one.

On a side note, i am married to my first cousin, i used to call him bhai (but it doesnt make him my biological bhai or the same feelings that i have for my real bro) and i am Alhamdulilah happily married and i DONT find it gross at all! But ofcourse, its a personal choice!

[diwana]

Re: Marrying your cousin

About excessiveness logic.

Even drinking water in excess amount is unhealthy.

Hence, not such a strong argument.

[somebodycall911]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@AngelEyess

On a side note, i am married to my first cousin, *i used to call him bhai *

EWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

[hareem01]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@diwana

About excessiveness logic.

Even drinking water in excess amount is unhealthy.

Hence, not such a strong argument.

This is what it says, "2. Endogamy is a cultural practice not specifically encouraged by the shari`a, and although it has been widely practiced by Muslim societies, major figures such as Imam Ghazali (citing Sayyidina Umar, no less) have cautioned against excessiveness in this - precisely because it ‘weakens the offspring.’ [Ghazali: Ihya XII]"

Now I'm married to my cousin who is the son of my mother's bro. My father was outside my mum's family and similarly my hubby's mum was completely outside the family, if my mum were married to her cousin who was also related to my MIL who's related to my FIL (uncle) then I'd call it an excess and it does happen a lot in families here in UK especially the mirpuri families.

[NomiCA]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@Shak09

It does make you look bad bud since you don’t really bother reading properly or checking properly before posting. Check the second post from the link I gave my Einstien friend, then copy paste its content in google (like I mentioned google in my post, which you failed to read not once, not twice but three times)

**‘Ihya Ulum id Din’ ‘‘Cousin marriages’’

**​Then come back and reply. Amazing what reading something can do!

my bad…i apologise…i have habit of reading things posted in the threads here…directly..

not click on another thread,
on another forum,
and look for the 2nd post, then copy the contents,
paste them into google,
and a million links show up…
and then i have to click each n every one of them…
hoping to stumble upon what highness had in mind…

Just so that i don’t look bad…i did all of the above…and found out that the book you refer to is nowhere in the sahih hadith collection…and even the proponents of the books say that the weak hadith used in that book are not for legislation or deducting rulings…

[diwana]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@hareem01

This is what it says, "2. Endogamy is a cultural practice not specifically encouraged by the shari`a, and although it has been widely practiced by Muslim societies, major figures such as Imam Ghazali (citing Sayyidina Umar, no less) have cautioned against excessiveness in this - precisely because it ‘weakens the offspring.’ [Ghazali: Ihya XII]"

Now I'm married to my cousin who is the son of my mother's bro. My father was outside my mum's family and similarly my hubby's mum was completely outside the family, if my mum were married to her cousin who was also related to my MIL who's related to my FIL (uncle) then I'd call it an excess and it does happen a lot in families here in UK especially the mirpuri families.

I was merely saying that excessiveness is not good in general so agreed with you but besides that cousin marriage is really not prohibited.

Do Mirpuri have genetic diseases?

If so then they should get counselling and also should not FORCE family members to marry among each other.... if they do.

The reference of Imam Ghazali is neither authentic nor strong.

The question is still on table. Is there any Iyet/hadith prohibiting or discouraging cousin marriage?

---

We have come a long way in arguing against it here in this thread.

Ewww, to never want to do it as if it is a sin, prohibited or discouraged,..... to excessiveness. :D

None is valid.

[rizla86]

Re: Marrying your cousin

I do not get the 'eww' factor. Most people don't grow up in joint families and don't see their cousins all the time, they don't consider cousins moun bolay bhais and behns. Therefore I find it funny that some people are trying to go all out in this thread to make it sound like a discouraged practice that isn't looked upon favourably in Islam.

Personally I would never marry a cousin. My reasons are different though and have to do with the all the family baggage that comes with marrying a cousin and the genetic risks to some extent.

[hareem01]

Re: Marrying your cousin

Whatever guys. I'm not planning to marry my kids within family.

[diwana]

Re: Marrying your cousin

So it should be left on personal choice/individual matter, not finding excuses or saying cousin marriage is somehow wrong, disgusted or prohibited act.

[hareem01]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@diwana

So it should be left on personal choice/individual matter, not finding excuses or saying cousin marriage is somehow wrong, disgusted or prohibited act.

It's not disgusting (obviously) but scientifically there are harms involved in cousin marriages repeated over and over.

[Ghost14]

Re: Marrying your cousin

I think if you actually grew up like brothers and sisters you would say "eww". I don't remember the name, but there is something in human psychology that prevents people from being attracted to their siblings. So if you grew up with your cousins, I imagine the effect would be the same.

I also don't agree with it. I don't think people are trying to say it's not allowed in Islam, just that they personally wouldn't do it. Unless there's something that commands or encourages cousin marriage, this position is perfectly fine.

[AngelEyess]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@somebodycall911

EWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so whats so ewww about it. I used to say bhai to any boy older than me, actually almost every girl does this, its a common practice in pakistan.....it dint make them my real brothers, neither i felt the "real" brotherly/sisterly emotions towards them. There was only the respect factor involved. We dint live in the joint family system, used to meet on festivals so our interaction was also limited. As I have already said that its a personal choice.....you dont want it, dont do it but theres nothing gross or disgusting about it!So stop ewwwing....its ANNOYING!!!!!

[Marmalade]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@Ghost14

I think if you actually grew up like brothers and sisters you would say “eww”. I don’t remember the name, but there is something in human psychology that prevents people from being attracted to their siblings. So if you grew up with your cousins, I imagine the effect would be the same.

It’s called the Westermarck effect

[somebodycall911]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@AngelEyess

Ok so whats so ewww about it. I used to say bhai to any boy older than me, actually almost every girl does this, its a common practice in pakistan.....it dint make them my real brothers, neither i felt the "real" brotherly/sisterly emotions towards them. There was only the respect factor involved. We dint live in the joint family system, used to meet on festivals so our interaction was also limited. As I have already said that its a personal choice.....you dont want it, dont do it but theres nothing gross or disgusting about it!So stop ewwwing....its ANNOYING!!!!!

so if a boy older to you comes for rishta, you will call him a bhai as well? my point is you wont call EVERYONE a bhai.

You're right. Personal opinion/preferences. In my opinion it is a big EWWWWW to marry anyone that would have been called earlier as bhai/baji. Thats just EWWW again..it just grosses me out typing it..EWWWWW..

[Pakilarka]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@somebodycall911

so if a boy older to you comes for rishta, you will call him a bhai as well? my point is you wont call EVERYONE a bhai.

You're right. Personal opinion/preferences. In my opinion it is a big EWWWWW to marry anyone that would have been called earlier as bhai/baji. Thats just EWWW again..it just grosses me out typing it..EWWWWW..

Shadi sey pehlay sab musalman bhen bahi hotay hain :)

[somebodycall911]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@Pakilarka

Shadi sey pehlay sab musalman bhen bahi hotay hain :)

I only make unattractive/paindoo girls my bhen..rest are halaal to me..

PS. THIS IS A JOKE _ DONT GET OFFENDED

[Pakilarka]

Re: Marrying your cousin

Paindoo girls need love too !

[somebodycall911]

Re: Marrying your cousin

@Pakilarka

Paindoo girls need love too !

let them get it from somebody else :D